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Would you prefer Lamprey as 'mainstream' or 'underground'?

Pages: 1 43 replies


I personally like them just where they are: Either in a lake or on a plate.

Underground, like Kimchee.


Thank God The Lamprey Still Wiggles
Thank God The Owl Still Hoots


I like mine on a nice side of fish. Blackened / Cajun style. Yum!

On 2005-04-01 06:21, MachTiki wrote:
I personally like them just where they are: Either in a lake or on a plate.

I will not eat them in a lake, I will not eat them on a plate. I will not eat them in a Box, I will not eat them with a side of Lox. I do not care if you have a plan, I will not eat them Mach-I-Am! :P

I would say mainsteam or any other body of water, as I don't think Lamprey (being aquatic ) would survive underground.:)



I was thinking the same thing after I posted. Guess it's my childhood creeping back up on me. Er... wait... nevermind.

Green Lamprey & Spam

[ Edited by: MachTiki on 2005-04-01 08:36 ]

I came very late to the lamprey, after becoming dissatisfied with the renewed popularity of the leech. I really don't want to have to switch my allegiance to the more underground (well, undersea) and therefore much cooler hagfish. I'd have to sell my preserved lamprey collection, and that just wouldn't do.

Trader Woody


I have a vintage lamprey on sale on ebay right now. Go check it out. He's a maked one: Lamprey's of Saskaquine.

[ Edited by: Rob Roy on 2005-04-01 09:58 ]


I've picked one of those up last year at Target. I think i have #37?!


If you can find a place in California that serves it - please let me know.

What are people's opinions on neutral color tikis vs bright colors? Traditional vs stylized?

I have found this book to be an invaluable resource for Lamprey Lore:

And here is the Lamprey Song:

There must be some sort of an answer
That I just can't seem to find,
As to why I have all these damned lampreys
Dancing around in my mind.
I wish that I'd never seen one,
I wish that I'd simply gone blind,
'Cause I'd much rather get rectal cancer,
Than have lampreys hang on my behind...
Lampreys, lampreys, lampreys.
What e're in the world can we do?
I saw you last night with a lamprey,
And that was the end of you.
It was sometime in early September,
When lampreys first came here in force.
I can clearly and starkly remember
How they blew up the neighbor's red Porsche.
I saw all this out of my window,
I quickly dialed for the police.
But I reached but a lamprey pretender,
Those lampreys killed with no remorse...
When lampreys jumped into the parlor,
I quickly knew something was wrong.
I hit them with my youthful ardor,
But those lampreys were just too damned strong.
The cat--it was hurled in the garbage,
And I was flung onto the couch.
As I looked on in sheer helpless horror,
One said, "this house don't belong!"
The lampreys began to destroy it,
This house--from ceiling to floor.
I knew that I'd soon be in deep shit,
So I carefully inched out the door.
I started to run for the Army,
But suddenly couldn't run anymore.
The sight of you chatting with lampreys,
Was something I could not ignore.
I knew then that you were a traitor,
Conspiring with them to kill me.
To encourage a lamprey dictator,
To destroy all of humanity.
I ran from the site in confusion,
I ran for the nearest safe house.
But the lamprey dropped down on me later,
I just hadn't seen that big tree.
Lampreys, lampreys, lampreys.
What e're in the world could it be?
I chatted last night with a lamprey,
And that was the end of me.

[ Edited by: purple jade on 2005-04-01 14:56 ]


PJ... That was Brilliant!!! Nice job.


We shall now all worship at the feet of PJ.

On 2005-04-01 16:18, Tangaroa wrote:
We shall now all worship at the feet of PJ.



No more Cajun jokes for you FZ.

:music: Respect to the PJ :music:

Boudreaux told Thibodeaux he was having trouble selling his truck, with 200,000 miles on it, for $1,500.

Thibodeaux advised him to set the odometer back to 50,000 miles to make it easier to sell. A few days later, Thibodeaux asked Boudreaux if he had sold his truck.

“No,” replied Boudreaux, “I decided to keep it. It has only 50,000 miles on it.”


From the "San Diego Union Tribune" March 8, 2006:

The unloved but now less lonely lamprey

*Pity the poor lamprey, an eellike, parasitic fish that latches onto larger fish and marine mammals using a mouthful of sharp, toothy structures, then proceeds to suck out blood and bodily tissues.

Picture a leech longer than your forearm, with a mouth that looks like a giant rasp. That's a lamprey.

Biologists had long thought the lamprey – along with its also jawless cousin, the hagfish – were distinctly ancient and distant creatures, that they had taken a different evolutionary road from other animals with backbones.

But scientists at the University of Florida say they've identified a protein essential to constructing lamprey cartilage. It's collagen, the same molecule found in all vertebrates with backbones and jaws, including humans.

“It was thought collagen was a relatively recent invention in vertebrate evolution that unites us with reptiles, amphibians, sharks and bony fishes, while the lamprey skeleton was based on quite different proteins,” said Martin Cole, a developmental biologist. “Knowing that lampreys also use collagen to build their skeletons makes sense. Lampreys and jawed vertebrates inherited the same genetic program for skeletal development from our common ancestor.”

Put another way, this news means lampreys aren't quite as different from people as we once thought. Or maybe hoped.*

Looks like they may be going mainstream.

The Lamprey's a lot like an eel,
It cannot do curtsies or kneel.
But just to be fair a
lamprey wouldn't ditch Farrah
Fawcett, like Ryan Oneal

Lampreys of Lake Ontario
Unlike the Lobster, are not hairy-o
They come up fumunda
When they hear a clap of thunda
And poop all over your stereo.

On 2006-03-10 12:56, tikifish wrote:
And poop all over your stereo.

A jihad on your lamprey!


Hungry lamprey, he swim to Taipei
Where the Empress have blood of Type-A
In the fight that ensue, She
Turn him into some sushi,
But he say, "That's the price that I pay".

Lamprey, eel-like fish
Has beginnings of backbone
Unlike some people


Lamprey Haiku

The lonely poem of the lamprey.


Lamprey, grotesque beast
Sucks more than he even knows
Just as gawd made him

I hate lampreys.
And hagfish.
Actually, I hate hags of all kinds, human and fish.

There. I said it. Now I feel better.

For many years I have been fascinated by lampreys....I remember writing a song called "We Are The Lampreys" with a buddy back in the 80's.

What I want to know is, do people really eat lampreys or is that a joke?

I saw a preserved one once (preserved in formaldehyde), and it did actually look like those Japanese pickled eggplant, kinda purple and leathery.

A lamprey food fact (and warning) from the site: whatscookingamerica.net/history

Most royal families of England were particularly fond of lampreys, as it was considered a delicacy at the English Courts. The tradition was for the people to present the monarch with a lamprey pie every Christmas.

King Henry I (1068-1135) of England was known for his lust of eating the lamprey and is reported to have died from a "surfeit of lampreys," as the chronicles said, although most historians believe that he died from food poisoning.

on a day like today, remember what tiki is all really about: lampreys.

Brice posted on Thu, Apr 1, 2010 10:43 AM

Thought we were talking about the other Lamprey...Zane!...still a weird creature!

:music: Oh don't take me down to St. Louis
Where the lampreys are scrawny and chewy!
Take me up to Milwaukee
Where the lampreys are stocky
and they simmer them slow in Drambuie! :music:


Publius Vedius Pollio was born in the 1st century BC. His father was a freedman, also named Publius, but he himself attained membership of the equestrian order.[1][2]

Ronald Syme suggests he may be identical with a "Publius Vedius" who appears in Cicero's letters as a friend of Pompey.[3] In 50 BC, while Cicero was travelling near Laodicea as governor of Cilicia, this Vedius came out to meet him with a large retinue that included several wild asses and a baboon in a chariot. Cicero was not impressed. "I never saw a more worthless man," he wrote to his friend Atticus, adding a salacious anecdote: before meeting Cicero, Vedius had left some items with one Vindulus, who had meanwhile died. When Vindulus's heir examined the contents of the house, he discovered among Vedius's possessions five portrait-busts of married ladies.[4] One Vidius or Vedius, possibly the same person, is mentioned in a letter of 46 BC as involved in a dispute with the scholar-politician Curtius Nicias.[5]

Vedius Pollio's first certain appearance in history comes after Octavian (later Augustus) became sole ruler of the Roman world in 31 BC; at some point Vedius held authority in the province of Asia on behalf of the emperor.[6] For a mere equestrian to govern this province was anomalous, and there were presumably special circumstances; Vedius' term of office could have been in 31–30 BC before the appointment of a regular proconsular governor, or after a major earthquake in 27 BC.[7] He later returned to Rome, and when Alexander and Aristobulus, the sons of Herod the Great, came to the city in about 22 BC, they may have stayed with him.[8]

Despite these services to the state, it was for his reputed luxury and cruelty that Vedius would become best known.[1] He owned a massive villa on the Gulf of Naples, later described by the poet Ovid as "like a city".[9] Most notoriously, he kept a pool of lampreys into which slaves who incurred his displeasure would be thrown as food[10] – a particularly unpleasant means of death, since the lamprey "clamps its mouth on the victim and bores a dentated tongue into the flesh to ingest blood".[11]

Nevertheless he retained, at least for a while, the friendship of Augustus, in whose honour he built a shrine or monument at Beneventum.[2] On one occasion, Augustus was dining at Vedius' home when a cup-bearer broke a crystal glass. Vedius ordered him thrown to the lampreys, but the slave fell to his knees before Augustus and pleaded to be saved. Horrified, the emperor had all of Vedius's expensive glasses smashed and the pool filled in. According to Seneca, Augustus also had the slave freed; Dio merely remarks that Vedius "could not punish his servant for what Augustus also had done".[12]

Vedius died in 15 BC. Among his many heirs, Augustus received a large part of Vedius's estate, including his villa on the Gulf of Naples, along with instructions to erect a suitable monument on the site. The emperor demolished the house and constructed in its place a colonnade in honour of his wife Livia, which he dedicated in 7 BC.[13]

[edit] Legacy
Vedius's treatment of his slaves and Augustus's conduct towards him became popular subjects for anecdotes in antiquity. During or shortly after Augustus's reign, Ovid praised his demolition of Vedius's house as a grand statement against immoral luxury made even at the emperor's own cost.[14] Scott notes that in replacing the house with a public monument Augustus merely "carried out the terms of the will", and argues that any suggestion he wished to censure Vedius's memory may have been mere "gossip".[15]

Also in the 1st century AD, Vedius's story was used by the philosopher Seneca the Younger and the encyclopedist Pliny the Elder. In two ethical treatises, Seneca used Vedius's treatment of the cup-bearer and Augustus's response to illustrate the extremes to which anger could lead and the need for clemency.[16] Pliny the Elder mentioned Vedius's lampreys in his Natural History while treating varieties of fish, noting the man's friendship with Augustus while ignoring the story of the latter's clemency.[17] Pliny was no admirer of Augustus and his handling of the story has been seen as "a gratuitous jibe" at the emperor.[18] In a highly rhetorical passage, the Christian writer Tertullian stated that after executing slaves, Vedius had his moray eels "cooked straight away, so that in their entrails he himself might have a taste of his slaves' bodies too".[19]

In several works, Adam Smith cited Augustus's intervention to save the cup-bearer in support of an argument that the condition of slaves was better under a monarchy than a democracy. He embellished the story by claiming that Augustus manumitted all of Vedius's slaves, a statement not based on any ancient source, in one 1763 lecture even estimating the value of the property their master thus lost.[20]


Ah yes... jackassery DOES still exist!! Happy fool's day!

:music: * Laamm preeeyy...
...in the corner of my fish tank
mucky, water covered lamm preeyyy...
Da da da da daaaaaah ... * :music:

ahhh the good ol days. sniff



Well shit, If Mach can post so will I. Clown jackassery lives! and it's coming for you my friend...

:music: There once was a lamprey from Nantucket...


Asked a waitress in South Carolina,
about the seafood I ate at her diner.
"These lampreys are choice,
How do you keep them so moist?"
She said, "They just came out of my kitchen!"


pablus posted on Thu, Apr 1, 2010 8:21 PM

The Lamprey's a foul, horrid beast
On its flesh, lousy fishermen feast
The slippery skin
Is a purse for those in
Those bellicose climes of the east


A post from OnaTiki?
I should have bought a lottery ticket.
Good to see ya!


Geezus, an associated picture from Unga! I should... um... well... buy... nevermind.

this thread is sure bringing out the koolkids™® :D


This thread should move to tiki drink & food.


Pages: 1 43 replies