Behold: The Tiki of Unlimited Abundance

Since the BOOK OF TIKI was published in September 2000, images from its pages have been copied for CD covers, web sites, paintings, shirts, boxer shorts, erasers, and other products, and I have enjoyed them as proof of its influence on contemporary pop culture.

But never would I have believed to come upon such flagrantly unauthorized, absurd and hilarious abuse such as this, being entirely composed from art and images from my book. In essence this is a classic junk mail scam, asking little old ladies to mail in money for miraculous results.

I feel very conflicted, since this is the funniest thing I have ever come across, right up my alley, along the lines of the Church of Subgenius and other cult parodies. As a matter of fact, it is like taking the mock scientific style of my book to its logical conclusion, pronouncing it to be a REAL cult! Yet I fear that there is a remote possibility that someone will actually buy into this stuff, even though the text and concept are so far out there, it all seems like a joke. Let's hope no one does.

And now, without further ado, behold in disbelief the miracle of the LAST GREAT TIKI OF UNLIMITED ABUNDANCE mail scam (These and more letter pages were passed onto me by Tiki Tony, who got them from a neighbor):

The photo of the author, "Great Maori Magus HAAPAPE TUARII", (also see below) actually depicts a Mai Kai waiter pouring a flaming drink (from page 160 of the BOT, the mugs are from p. 177).

Mr. Tuari wants you to transfer 50.- bucks to his SWISS BANK ACCOUNT (!) (see green box w. "Important Note" under his photo) in return for receiving the BIG LOTTO JACKPOT MAGIC of the TIKI OF UNLIMITED ABUNDANCE.

I scanned the pages large in the hopes the text can be read on TC, it's just too much to copy down here. This guy's stupefying, never-ending flow of text proves to me that he: a .) must be an American in full command of the language; and b.) has done this type of scam before, with other concepts.

It's all very easy: Cut image of Tiki along dotted line, place between palms of both hands for one minute, and it will be charged with your PERSONAL KARMIC IMPRINT! Remit with your 50,- bucks, and all sorts of luck will befall you. (This by the way is the only truly ancient Tiki that I used in the BOT, on page 21... maybe he knew!??)

Just in case there was any doubt that the Book of Tiki was his exclusive source, this extensive layout has an abundance of photos and graphics all from its pages. The photo of the Shelter Isle Apartments in Arcadia is retitled here as "the magic place where Haapape Tuarii practices the great ritual ceremonies of the solstice" and the TIKI DRIVE street sign supposedly now stands in Papeete, Tahiti, not Orange County.

Needles to comment on this image, but the scan nicely shows the cheap quality of the paper used for the letter pages. And in case you haven't been hypnotized by the Magus' endless drivel yet, take this:

And what's a good scam with out "Authentic witness statements", of which this is just one of many pages (as exception to the rule, both photos are NOT from the BOT):

Unbelievable...but real. Not a parody. I thought about sending in 50.- and finding out more...

[ Edited by: bigbrotiki 2006-01-08 17:24 ]

[ Edited by: hanford_lemoore - Added TC link to Book Of Tiki on Amazon.com - 2006-01-09 17:40 ]

That is truly awesome. Awesome, hilarious, confusing, titillating, and exciting all in one. I'm getting a mild tingling feeling just reading it, maybe I need to send in 50 bucks!

Oh my. Oh. My. This is truly beautiful. So completely bizarre. Wow.

I will have the physical sensation that the HORN OF PLENTY will heap its treasures on me - like a magic well that never runs dry!

No way, Jose. No unending shower of treasures for me. I made a similar mistake back in '87, when I first moved to San Francisco, going into the neighborhood watering hole. I thought the "Midnight Sun" was right up my alley. I mean, I am Cpt Midnite. Ohh, I was sorely mistaken. While I do like leather, and enjoy a friendly wrestling match, just not that much! Physical sensation...in a way.

I am still, 18 years later, trying to get some "Karmic Imprints" out of my suede loafers. Had to throw out the socks.

Are the French behind this?
Haapape midnite

ps Let me tell you a story. I go to a small college in the mid-west, and I never thought these letters were true. Then one night, there was a knock on my door. Before me was a big ole horny dude from "plenty"(?), and he said he had a well that never went dry, wanted to heap me.

Unbelievable. This is like some weird mash-up of Nigerian e-mail SPAM and Robert Tilton, with a Martin Denny soundtrack.

I thought about sending in 50.

Hell, you deserve to sit at the right hand of the great Maori Magus, and receive a cut of the take. Get a couple of Hollywood stars onboard and this could be bigger than Scientology!

OMFG. Thats just Wrong!

You mean I sent my money in on a scam? I won't be getting 30 million from the Lotto? I was really counting on the added income.

*On 2006-01-08 16:03, bigbrotiki wrote:*I feel very conflicted, since this is the funniest thing I have ever come across, right up my alley, along the lines of the Church of Subgenius and other cult parodies.

The Church of the Subgenius is a parody?

WWBD?

Another one of the many oddities in that flyer:

The Japanese testimonial from "Yukiko" is accompanied by a photo that is almost certainly a male kabuki actor, in costume. "I was single and men scarcely noticed me..." indeed!

-Randy

BTW, question from a tiki nerd. What is the border graphic on the collage page from? That looks similar to the inside pages of the dinner menu from the Lanai in San Mateo, but it looks different from any of the specific pages I remember. Maybe the same artist, for a different menu?

-Randy

Can I print the form right from here and send it in with $50 to get my "prodigious Sensor of flagrant luck and miraculous wealth..."? I would also like to "trigger a rainbow of prodigious wealth and win a minimum of 30 million dollars in the next great lotto jackpot"!!!!!

AWESOME!!!

As a matter of fact, it is like taking the mock scientific style of my book to its logical conclusion, pronouncing it to be a REAL cult!

MY god, (literally). I did not know I was in the BOT cult. That might explain why my family was planning some sort of intervention.
I told them to get lost or come in and help me repaint 8FT's Tropidise. (That's a contraction of tropical & Paradise). Well, enough of this idol talk, I gotta mail a check. Does anyone have a 39 cent stamp?

---

I once was lost............but now I'm found

[ Edited by: 8FT Tiki 2006-01-08 19:00 ]

On 2006-01-08 16:03, bigbrotiki wrote:

Unbelievable...but real. Not a parody. I thought about sending in 50.- and finding out more...

[ Edited by: bigbrotiki 2006-01-08 17:24 ]

I double dog dare you!!! No really do it cause I want to know whats next!!!
Thank you for sharing this hilarious find!!!
Later,
Spermy

...I will never use the extraordinary powers of the Great Tiki of Unlimited Abundance to cause harm, evil, or destruction...

Haha - what a find Sven! I think every home tiki bars needs this hanging up on their bar - very cool. Some pensioner probably sent her last bingo check in, it probably just avoided the slot machines anyway.

On 2006-01-08 18:36, aquarj wrote:
BTW, question from a tiki nerd. What is the border graphic on the collage page from? That looks similar to the inside pages of the dinner menu from the Lanai in San Mateo, but it looks different from any of the specific pages I remember. Maybe the same artist, for a different menu?

-Randy

Why Randy! Page 73 of the BOT of course. If those cannibal carvings didn't tip you off, the chopstick case above them should have told you it was from the Hollywood Don The Beachcomber menu.

By the way, do you see that small (added) writing right next to the chopstick case? It says "Photos and identity not contractual". If you ever wanted to know what the famous "small print" looks like, there is more of this kind of disclaimer on the first page on the right margin. Looks like it was written by ants!

On 2006-01-08 18:36, aquarj wrote:
BTW, question from a tiki nerd. What is the border graphic on the collage page from? That looks similar to the inside pages of the dinner menu from the Lanai in San Mateo, but it looks different from any of the specific pages I remember. Maybe the same artist, for a different menu?

-Randy

I think that's from the Don the Beachcomber menu.

Man, it really takes a bit of time to wrap one's head around that flyer. Nutty.

Wow! It's kinda like the Elephant Man doing stand-up. It's funny, but you try not to laugh. What if we all request a mailing?

The sad part is that there will, most assuredly, be people who bite.

[ Edited by: foamy 2006-01-08 20:08 ]

Mabye this guy is the author of the famous BOS!?
(the BOOK OF SCAM)

Since this is a completely fraudulent letter, how about sending him a xerox of a $50? I dare somebody to do that. Okay, that's a felony, maybe you shouldn't. But so's mail fraud.

Anyway, probably the funniest and most ridiculous come-on since the SANTO GOLD infomercial of the 1980's. And if anyone isn't familiar with that, do a Google search for SANTO GOLD and you will be richly rewarded, trust me.

Uh-Oh. It looks like I better put a stop payment on that $50.00 check.

Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if Sabu is behind this. It looks like his work.

Hello!
I am afraid to imagine that there are not so many folks familiar with MAIL ART. Based on the very elaborate irony of this stuff, I must argue that it is simply a very well-constructed art project that I wouzldn't even call a hoax, since it is clearly worth 50 bucks in itself as a piece of art.
Just one example... "I will have the physical sensation (how pleasant!)...." and there are so many more.
But does this mean I am suggesting that the master Himself, Herr Tiki, has actually been HAD!!!!??? Sven! Where is the proof that this is not a spoof?!
Love
JJ

I can't make out the name of the country(?) on the address to which one is supposed to remit the money. Usually, a parody or mail art piece will not have a credible remit address at all, to avoid legal problems.

I don't know JJ...In my life's experience, when I have come across apparently overdone cliche items like these, that so clearly seemed like a parody (or concept art), they often WERE real, proving that cliches are cliches for a reason.

The skill and seeming irony of the author are absolutely that of an artist, and it is clear that he must be aware of his artistry as a bull shitter, I am sure he had lots of fun putting this together. But con men simply know what I stated above: Cliches work BECAUSE, audacity works, and one can never be too pushy. We all cannot believe those "African exiled prince" e-mails could be meant seriously or ever bought by anyone, but apparently they are, and their scatter shot distribution yields some hits.

The rarefied consciousness of Berlin's art scene is so far away from the un-intellectual wastelands of LA's sub-suburbs where this letter was directed to, I would not expect pranksterism to be at work here. And the writer has no idea of the Tiki revival scene, there would be more recognizable references in the text, and there is nothing even remotely connected to the Tiki lingo of today.

I am having our Tiki operative in Switzerland look into the address, maybe he can at least tell us if it is a common "swiss bank account" type of set up.

Sven!
I must admit I absoutely love this quandry of detecting intention in art. It certainly always served Fuzzy Love well! I realize what you are saying about the African Prince eMails, but as I recall there is no detectable irony in them, whereby this thing is just dripping with schmalz.
I very seriously doubt that this appeals to the sensibilities of desperate people truly in search of cheap metaphysical powers. Isn't this more of the kind of thing that such people would truly distrust? I would love to know the truth about this. It's got all the FORM but none of the CONTENT of a traditional rip-off scheme. It makes no attempt to be SERIOUS but is instead consistently playful.
I really wonder what makes you think it is an honest effort to take advantage of truly desperate people.
On the other hand we may also consider that gamblers can be very very playfully superstitious, carrying around all sorts of GOOD LUCK CHARMS hoping to win the next big jackpot -- but these things tend to have a very personal significance and I find it hard to believe this would be more appealing than a penny found on the street....
In any case I can't wait for some PROOF of the SPOOF!!!
Best
JJ

By the way the street address and postal code seem to exist, although there is nothing in the web regarding the names attached... We need to send someone over to the address to find out what's really there and see if we can't make some contact....

Where's David Horowitz when you need him?

On 2006-01-09 07:25, schlagerman wrote:
I really wonder what makes you think it is an honest effort to take advantage of truly desperate people.

Why would anyone go to the trouble and expense if it were not a real effort to separate the feeble minded from their cash? If it were not serious, then they are in worse shape than their intended targets. We laugh at this. There are some who won't. The elderly come to mind.

You mean the Horn of Plenty WON'T make me Plenty Horny.. I Want my $100 back because I paid for a double dose...

if your horn of plenty does not subside within four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

Oh, Great Tiki of Unlimited Abundance!! At long last, a way to increase my dismal luck at thrifting!!!

I am completely gobsmacked.

but wait there is more.... you also get a Tiki mug (Tiki farm knock off) specially made to hold 16 oz of your favorite cyanide laced Mai Tai, a custom pair of black Tiki Nikes, and a free ride on the Hale bop Tiki comet.

Such a small price for so much Cosmic Tiki.

Chongolio

Lost-Isle
Lost-Isle Trading Post
Barefoot bloggin'

I knew this was a scam from the get go as I received a paper cut while trying to charge the cut out photo with my own Personal Imprint. The printing ink immediately infected the cut causing a red line to run up my arm toward my heart. I knew I had to act fast and jumped in my car to race to the hospital. Of course my car wouldn't start. I then called an ambulance but when it arrived the medic was my ex-brother in law who preceded to beat me to the ground. A neighbor then pick me up off the ground and preceded to take me but of course on the way we were side swiped by a Hummer sending us into a swampy marsh filled with the dreaded Florida gator. Anyhow to make a long story short I now have a missing leg, arm and a couple fingers, but hey I always have the 30 million to look forward to. Cross your fingers. Since I can't any more.

"The activation of the 'Universal Mana' with which it is 'charged'is 100% automatic and compatible with all systems of belief, religions and traditions worldwide."

Thank God (or whatever) he had the sense to make his Mana work across all platforms! I'm so tired of incompatible Mana. Can't we just decide on a standardized Mana so we can avoid any future compatability problems?

TOO FUNNY!! too bad it is a scam to rip people off ,though. :(

tiki drive in Tahiti, bwahahaha. Does he knows Tahiti is not an english speaking island ???

[ Edited by: Chip and Andy 2009-06-05 17:03 ]

YES...well no...actually, nothing should happen, he would bag the money and smile, right? Why should he care about responding and divulging anything further.

So my thought was to send the fifty, and bait him with a gushing fan letter like "...and I have already felt the power of the TioUnAb when I unexpectedly came into a large inheritance after receiving it's message, how can I secure further blessings..." or something along the lines of "How can I send MORE money to you?"

Thing is, that guy is not dumb, and a scammer is hard to scam, so it might not work,
PLUS also, since I have only a power book MAC as my computer, it took me two weeks and the help of my girlfriend to figure out how to post these pages properly. And I got the letter from Tiki Tony a week later after he told me about it. So even if his 5 day return limit is mainly to coerce people to not procrastinate and forget mailing him, he most likely has flown the coop by now to not be reachable for any legal inquiries.

If fifty of us each put in a dollar....

Wow that is truly bizarre! Would be great if someone could knock on their door with book in hand and say hello to investigate.

Yeah, the guy who gave this mailer to me runs a ceramic studio out of a this old ladies back house. He said that she literally gets a dozen of these scam packages a week. She's 83 years old, and quite with it, with a good sense of humor, but my friend told me she gets suckered into believing each one of them, and wants to send money to the most believable ones. I've met her, and talked to her and would never believe she could believe this flowery verbage, but he has to get to them in the mail before she does or else she'll send off a check. I think these scams prey on the old and lonely who play bingo on a bi-weekly basis. Who ever put this together certainly is gifted, and well educated. Every mention of the tiki is "the last great tiki of unlimited abundance" and not just tiki... He's branding his tiki, and by repeating this rediculous combo of words, his magic started to work on me. Reading this finely crafted package gave me more insight into story telling and marketing than a four-year college degree of either subject. As for the time limit he set, I believe its to set the urgency high for the reader, so that they get out the check book now, because he knows that when they put down the Last Great Tiki Of Unlimited Abundance reader, they will probably pick up the next scam mailer that comes the next day. Well, now I want to sculpt the exact Marquesan tiki pictured and send it to him telling him he's got a big fan! I wish we could get our Swiss agent to camp out in the post office and wait until the PO BOX on the return was opened, and interview them. I want to hire this guy to market all of my Limited Abundance Tikis!
-tOny

Sven and Humu, thanks for pointing out that oversight - wonder how I missed that before! So what's this Book of Tiki you speak of anyway?

FWIW thought I'd juxtapose that collage page with the inside illo from the Lanai menu...

Really looks like the same illustrator, right down to the flowers and the style of lines and colors. I know the outside of the Lanai menu was done by an illustrator from San Francisco named Don Clever, but dunno if he had a hand in the inside. Maybe he did the DTB one too (?).

Anyway, back to the shock and awe of unlimited abundance! Naomi commented that this kind of scheme is quite common in Japan, usually with very well written text and testimonials. I bet it's "real", as far as these things go.

-Randy

Clearly, what we have here is another miracle of the TIKI of UNLIMITED ABUNDANCE:

He has shown us the way to find a link between the Lanai in San Mateo and Don The Beachcomber in Hollywood, an important find in Tiki archaeology!

Phew! I must say that after all this theorizing I am looking forward to Wednesday night's ritual, when I will, after a long dry spell, experience the Tiki TI's Unlimited Abundance! (...of tropical concoctions) Aaaah! My kind of horn of plenty.

Unga, who is this? It looks like a Black Power Shroud of Turin now. What will it bring the believer who holds it between his sweaty palms for a minute?

[ Edited by: bigbrotiki 2006-01-10 07:49 ]

On 2006-01-09 22:16, tikitony wrote:
She's 83 years old, and quite with it, with a good sense of humor, but my friend told me she gets suckered into believing each one of them, and wants to send money to the most believable ones. I've met her, and talked to her and would never believe she could believe this flowery verbage, but he has to get to them in the mail before she does or else she'll send off a check. I think these scams prey on the old and lonely who play bingo on a bi-weekly basis. END QUOTE

In keeping with not believing anything I read, I must continue to doubt even TIKI TONY (whom I have never met -- no, really). Tony, any chance you are on a skiing holiday at the moment somewhere in the mountains. YODEL-AY -HEE HOO!!!

People around the age of 83 tend to be hardcore spendthrifts, having lived through the depression. I don't understand about this generalization of old people wanting to send off money because they have nothing better to do. Gambling, yes, but please help me out with this story of YOUR FRIEND -- who works in some old lady's house doing ceramics. I have no doubt there is a database of people who have purchased certain kinds of luck enhancers. That I can imagine. But, really.... We have to get to the bottom of this.

Perhaps the better question is, what proof do we have that you can't buy luck? Perhaps there is some advantage to it, even if Ed McMahon never shows up at your door with the oversized check.... But I digress.

This is really fun.
JJ