The Legend of the Mothman (with Flabojah content)

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http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

I AM A SOCIOPATH!

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2014-02-05 16:55 ]

Now I can sing a bawdy drinking song,
And I can quote a dirty rhyme,
But the one word that can make me blush
is "Flabohjah" - every time.

When I was a young Protestant
The Pastor said to me,
"Let's read from First Flabohjah,
Chapter five, verse twenty-three."

"Thus travelled far, the Spatulites,
into the land of Jod,
and smote the mighty Mag-lites
with the holy Camel-Prod."

"And when they had possessed the Land,
From Percodan to Tara-Reid
They ate the sacred Cack-o-loins
But spat-out every seed."

"What learn you from these words, my son?
A lesson rare, perhaps?"
"I've learned that your a foul-mouthed bastard!"
And I kicked him in the Apse

Then I grabbed him by the Wurlitzer
And tossed him on his Pew
And I marched out of that filthy church
And became an Irish Jew.

Now, when I was a young Tikiphile
At the age of twenty-six
I traveled West to Hollywood
To visit Trader Vic's.

I met a fine young lady,
Walking Sunset Boulevard.
She winked and said, "Flabohjah"
And my Kahikis both went hard.

She took me to a motel room
And showed me her Leilanis
She gently held my Mainlander
And purred, "My! but aren't you brawny"

I rubbed her Mr. Peanut,
The glaze was really pink!
She put my flame-red War God
To her lips and took a drink.

But when her velvet box revealed
An untouched Kona Kai,
I actually spilled my Navy Grog
From Mister Bali Hai!

"You're a Missionary's Downfall"
I moaned with deep affection
She said, "I'd be your Vicious Virgin,
For one-half that mug collection."

We were married late that Summer
At the temple on the lane.
We named our son, Flabohjah,
And our daughters, Kim and Jane.

And at the circumcision
The old Mohel gave a snort
"Flabohjah's a good name for him,
'Cause Dick would be too short!"

But after half-an-hour,
As his brows began to sweat,
He said, "Your son, Flabohjah
Might be the death of me just yet."

And half-an-hour later
I whispered to my wife,
"We wouldn't still be standing here,
If he'd used a bigger knife"

But at last the deed was over
As the sun began to set
"You might want to invest", he sighed,
"In a larger Bassinet."

And as our son grew tall and strong
The neighbors all concurred,
He epitomized "Flabohjah"
In every nuance of the word.

His chest was broad and muscular
His face was smooth and tan
His pajamas were the same ones used
By Sumu Wrestlers in Japan.

For nothing stirred the local girls,
to thoughts of sweet romance,
As the array of garments young
Flabohjah wore in lieu of pants.

He was most at ease in Lava-Lavas,
Pareos, or a Kilt.
He could wear an orange Djellabah,
Without the slightest sense of guilt.

So knowing where his talents lay,
I pulled a couple strings,
And launched his infamous career,
In women's under-things

His notoriety is only
Superseded by his fame,
And though he's no longer "Flabohjah",
I'm sure you've probably heard his name.

The inventor of the push-up bra,
The G-String and the Thong,
He lives on Tiki Central now
And goes by "TIKI BONG"

Sabu The Coconut boy, 2004

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http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

I AM A SOCIOPATH!

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2014-02-06 09:33 ]

Thanks for adding the Flabojah content. A true classic. Here's another classic from the same author.

On 2004-05-28 23:34, Sabu The Coconut Boy wrote:
I found an old copy of "Sailor Dick's Liquor Ledger" at a garage sale last week. Inside were many long-forgotton drink recipes from famous hotels and bars, including this one from the Hawaiian Inn in Tampa, which uses that corn flake oil that's being sold in those Moai decanters at TJ MAX.

The "Hawaiian Instep" or "Poodle-Licker":

1 1/2 oz Puerto-Rican White Rum
1 oz Passion Fruit Juice
1 oz Sauerkraut brine (don't just pour the brine from the jar - make sure you actually squeeze the sauerkraut in your fist into a shot glass. It makes a subtle but important difference in the flavor)
1/2 oz Liquor 42
Shuck 2 oysters. Set aside.

Shake the first 4 ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker. Strain through a semi-dirty sock into a tall glass coated with absinthe or soy sauce (it shouldn't matter which). Whisper "Vermouth" lightly into the glass two times, then float 1/4 inch of Corn Flake Oil on the top. The oil should be thick enough to support the two shucked oysters. If you lack a fresh sprig of mint, substitute 1/2 inch of ash from a Kool Menthol cigarette tapped against the rim of the glass.

These are amazing! Doctor Z, Johnnie Velour and myself have been making them all night and together we've almost finished one.

It helps if you set aside several dirty socks beforehand during the week, because you go through them pretty fast once you start mixing.

Sabu

[ Edited by: Hakalugi 2014-02-05 22:56 ]

Further proof that Sabu the coconut boy is a genius!

(as if flabojah wasn't enough proof!)

:)

Can't decide if you guys are geniuses or lunatics! Either way, you fit right in on TC!

I am definitely of the lunatic ilk.....and, a sociopath!

:)

And I have an appreciation of the best spam:

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It is actually quite beautiful, in a stream-of-conscious way.... Like Ginsberg's "Howl", all written at 2:00 am under the influence of benzadrine.....

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http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

I AM A SOCIOPATH!

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2014-02-17 18:39 ]

Do you hear voices?
You do, so you are possessed.
You are a believer, born again
And yet you hear voices and you are possessed.
Ok, are you ready to give us a listen?
Put your hand over there.
We want this figured out.
Ok sister;
You have a Jezebel spirit within you
You have a spirit of grief
You have a spirit of destruction.
Jezebel,
Spirit of destruction,
Spirit of grief,
I bind you with chains of iron
I bind you out of that bounded heaven.
Loosen your hold and come out of her now.
(It's no good our sister.)
Out. Out Jezebel.
Come out now
(Go ahead)
Out in the name of Jesus
Come out destruction
Come out destruction
Come out grief
Jezebel you are going to listen to me Jezebel
(Go ahead sister; keep going.
Jezebel will abandon you)
She was intended by God to be a virtuous woman
You have no right to her
Her husband is the head of the house
Out Jezebel. Out. Out.. Let Jesus in.
That's right
I break your power Jezebel
Loosen your hold on her mind
Go ahead sister
Go ahead sister
Use your head
That was easy
You can sit down now.

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2014-03-15 13:57 ]