How do you get "old stinky dude" funk out of vintage furniture?

You know how you see some excellent example of mid century / 60's / 70's furniture in a thrift or flea BUT IT JUST F'N don't smell right!?! It's not like you can go find a new one. Oxyclean leaves residue or so I hear. Fabreeze is too "light duty" in my opinion.Any suggestions?

Stick drier sheets in the drawers is what I've done before. Check out Hints from Heloise.

You mean upholstery, right?

I don't think there is any cure for granny grime. Because it's not just the fabric that's funky, its the foam or whatever else inside. If you try to reupholster, the foam inside is probably shot anyway - the only hope is to get all new foam AND fabric, which is quite the ordeal, or just leave it behind at the store (an even harder ordeal!).

In minor cases though, I would try vaccuming the upholstery with a very powerful vacuum to suck all the dust out, then squitrting it with something akin to Febreze, except not Febreze, because Febreze smells like ass.

I agree with tikifish (except for the part about febreze smelling like ass. Have you been in a public restroom?) You could also clean it with a carpet cleaner, most of them have upolstery attachments.
I just bought an old couch and am going to tottally redo it. Who knows whats inside those cushins, or what was done on them!

I didn't mean Febreeze 'smells like ass' in the literal sense, just the figural sense.

I just can't handle those freaky scents they put in every cleaning product... you buy something labelled 'ocean breeze' and I guarantee you it smells nothing like salt water and seaweed. It smells like an old lady's perfume mixed with bleach. Ort how about 'spring rain' scent? I don't know about where you live, but in Toronto, spring rain smells like ozone and dogshit.

On 2003-11-21 13:22, tikifish wrote:
Febreze smells like ass.

Assbreze

[ Edited by: susane on 2004-01-20 09:02 ]

Here's my observation: if the manufacturer plainly names their candle, freshener or cologne, it may smell like what they say it is.

With "Vanilla", there is a greater chance that it may actually mirror the fragrance of vanilla than if they call it, "Vanilla Breeze". I am suspicious of that "Breeze" thing. It's like, they tried, but missed the mark. Oh sure, it might smell nice when you first try it on, but soon you will have your arm in the sink, frantically trying to scour it off. Sometimes that doesn't work and you may soon be fighting the temptation to chew that arm off just to get away from the essence of their little aromatic delight. gack.

try Ozium...that's what hospitals use to get rid of the stench of DEATH & other unpleasant odors.

Yeah Tina, that's usually the kind of thing I accidentally put my nose too close to and end up having it right in my nose holes all day, ucch.

Back on topic...
If the upholstery can be cleaned with a Bissell Green Machine type thing, you might try the enzymatic cleaners made for getting out pet odors. They don't do squat on cat piss but might get out body funk. Only don't use hot water, use tepid.

On 2003-11-19 16:45, Tiki Chris wrote:

based on some advice from a friend, i recently cleaned some vinyl seats ... w/ pumace-based hand cleaner. this stuff worked like a charm, especially removing 50 years worth of nicotine stains from the seats!

On 2003-11-21 17:36, Shipwreckjoey wrote:
try Ozium...that's what hospitals use to get rid of the stench of DEATH & other unpleasant odors.

I second that. I remember when Ozium 1st came out & it was great, then all the other companies stank the idea up with added scents (hey, if it gets rid of odors lets add extra odors to it!) & I couldn't find it easily anymore. Try Smart & Final or janitor supply houses.

Never seen Ozium used in the 30 years that I have worked in hospitals(we use a few other industrial type air fresheners) but as someone that has tip-toed around some specific legal limits in my time, Ozium is one fine product. It kills many a incriminating odors. I'm still an evil incense burner most of the time now.

Fresh as a daisy
Trustar

On 2003-11-21 17:36, Shipwreckjoey wrote:
to get rid of the stench of DEATH

I know that smell all to well. Something(a mouse?) died in the walls of my studio once and that smell was around way too long till it was completely decomposed.
Incense works wonders!