Post #240428 by Mai Tai on Thu, Jun 29, 2006 8:11 PM

The Perils of Bruce Juice

It's all nice to shed a tear and all to Bruce's relocation, but I'd like to take a moment of everyone's time, to point out a serious concern that has been plaguing the Nor Cal Ohana - none other than Bruce Juice.

What is Bruce Juice, you ask? A simple libation?

Oh no, it would appear that way, but it's insidious after affects will leave you in a shameful heap. The picture below is of a well known Bruce Juice dealer. Look at that evil red gleam in his eye.

Drinking too much Bruce Juice can cause you to hallucinate - everyday happy things that you love can appear out of nowhere, and will suddenly become terrifyingly scary!!!

More experienced users have sometimes been known to conquer these demons by embracing what they fear the most.

But alas, those types of users are far and few between. Most victims spiral down a pathway of madness, and have been known to attempt feats of insanity, such as taking all of the contents here:

and combine them with all of the contents here:

and try to relocate them all in an 11 to 12 foot stack here:

Other users new to the effects of Bruce Juice might even try to fly, or have the false impression that a simple exercise bike can power a pickup truck all the way to Las Vegas:

But does any of this matter to the Bruce Juice dealer? Obviously not! Even while a dear friend is perilously perched on a pickup, all our friendly neighborhood Bruce Juice dealer cares about is making another score:

So Bruce might be departing from Northern California, but he leaves in his path something hideous and sinister, that is capable of wreaking havoc in the lives of simple folks he leaves behind:

Drive safe, Mr. Smiley. Casa De Mai Tai won't be the same without you!!!