Post #416319 by woofmutt on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 8:38 AM

This is my one thousandth post.

Some of yerselves are no doubt wonderin' how a guy like me who has often been called Why-don't-yuh-just-shut-the-hell-up-mutt? and has been an active member of Tiki Central since the Yahoo! days can only now just be reachin' one thousand posts.

I wondered about that myself. I'm on Tiki Central pert near every day so it seems by current standards I should be around eight thousand nine hundred fifty six posts, give or take a dozen.

So I thought about what makes me different and have some ideas...

No wife, no kids, no pets. (-735 posts) I don't have any funny stories, tragic tales, cute pics, or auctions to promote cuz she told me it's the Tiki or her.

Don't travel much. (-57 posts) I am usually not comin' to yer city, comin' to yer town. So I don't needa sound the trumpet heraldin' my arrival.

No digital camera (-1,329 posts) Some day I'll be able to posts pics as quick and easy as the resta yuh, then the numbers will climb. In the mean time I can only wonder "Why hasn't anyone posted a picture of (apparently unknown tiki)???"

Not online drunk that much. (-137 posts) Sure, I've posted drunk. I just can't remember where or what. (Though apparently I'm spendin' Thanksgivin' in Cincinnati.)

Avoid pointless scuffles. (-52 posts) Usually I don't get too involved in the kinda ornery posts. I ain't above eggin' someone on. I ain't proud of it, but yeah, I've done it. Especially if I feel they have it comin'. (OK, I admit, I'm kinda proud of that one.)

Don't collect new mugs. (-897 pots) This is really more a money and space issue than taste. And I'd like to thank the rest of yuh who buy and own neat stuff I can come and visit but never have to dust.

Once is enough. (-327 posts) In those long drawn out debate threads (which I enjoy when they're well written and heads stay cool) I figger once I made my point clearly and soundly no amount of restatin' or repostin' is gonna make any difference. Even if my point gets buried by an off topic post of a monkey pattin' a kitty on the head.

Don't post many monkey-pattin'-a-kitty-on-the-head type pictures. (-1,783 posts) When I was a very young conservative teenager I was shocked by a t-shirt that said "I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused" Hilariously that slogan sorta became my own.***** Similarly I used to hate Bilge, now I love it. Partly cuz it helps keeps Tiki Central sorta tidy but mostly cuz I can do this:

Fer no reason at all.

Bilge has helped me discover: I don't get angry, I get abstract.

And finally, the NUMBER ONE REASON this is only my one thousandth post in over eight and a half years...

I really just don't give a damn. (-2,639 posts) Yes, I love Tiki Central and Tiki in general and I still believe this is one of the best collection of folks I've come across on the internet and in real life. But obviously I do not love any of it as much as the resta yerselves. Yer love fer Tiki Central and Tiki is a hot hot passion which burns like a 151 filled lime floatin' in yer third Pele's French Polynesian Kiss. It's completely unfamiliar to my laid back western roots. Or somethin' like that.

***** Even more hilarious? I wrote this t-shirt and sold it to T-Shirt Hell. Well, my origianl line was I'd rather be snorting cocaine of a supermodel's belly. But apparently they know their market cuz their re-write of the shirt has been a big big seller. I got $300.