Post #453377 by Cammo on Tue, May 12, 2009 10:11 AM

“What do you mean you don’t wanna go?”

“I mean it’s a nerdy movie. Trekkies are going to be there. They’ll be taking up the seats, two seats to a Trekkie, they’ll be hogging down popcorn and arguing about what kind of fucking phaser Kirk is supposed to be using. The whole thing sucks. The movie is going to suck.”

“Nah, I saw the previews, it looks really good. They did advance screenings for the L.A. critics and they were all blown aw…”

“Are there or are there NOT going to be Trekkies there?”

“Well, yeah, sure, but…”

“So I’m not going.”

“Why not? They’re not going to attack you or anything! They’re harmless! And how many Trekkies are there in San Diego County? Like, a few hundred at most?”

“Look, buddy, you got no idea. There are thousands. Tens of thousands.”

“Nah!”

“Yeah! I did a DJ gig once and only once for the Comi-Con and it was a fucking mess. They all crowded around the stage yelling at me to play the theme tracks for one of those Star Trek movies, man, they started coming behind the speakers and yelling at me…”

“Did you have any of those songs?”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve got a song library of like 30,000 right now, you think even one of them is the Borg theme from Star Trek fucking Fifteen?”

My friend Greg is about 6’ 2”, a loudmouth from St. Louis. A vision of him backed up against a giant speaker cabinet, being charged by a herd of angry Trekkies was pretty funny.

“What are you laughing about? It wasn’t funny!”

“What did you end up playing?”

“Oh. Um, some TV themes. That settled ‘em down. But they can’t dance so there was nothing to play. One of them handed me a CD of some soundtrack and I played the whole thing. Charged the Convention Center two grand for playing somebody else’s CD. It was a joke.”

Greg would NOT GO.

I tried calling up other people, and basically had the same conversation over and over and over, more than a dozen times. The answer was the same each time; NO. Everybody I talked to had somewhere, sometime run into these obnoxious annoying Trekkies who had made their day miserable. It was burned into their psyche so strong they simply would not even THINK of going to any Star Trek event, good or not.

Finally, I called a friend who had two kids. These kids are totally out of control 24 hours a day. He was the last guy on my list. The kids, if they came along, would sit on the other side of him. When I got through I could hear them, screaming in the background.

But the answer was the same. It turned out that he had taken these kids to a Star Trek convention, for fun, in Las Vegas. The various Trekkies, badly dressed in Klingon outfits, had scared the children so badly that he now used them as warnings. If the kids didn’t do ask he told them , the Trekkies Would Come And Get Them.