Post #534644 by midnite on Mon, Jun 7, 2010 12:01 AM

Tragically, the reports, if true, are much worse than imagined. The dispatches I've read, while third-party and unverified, were so terrible I held back on reporting them until now. While one could easily understand how Team Quicksand had escaped the oppression brought their way and sought refuge in some faraway land, it seems unthinkable the lads could...could fall this far.

Dabbling in a spot of larceny or municipal shenanigans is one thing but the "deep end" now seems a distant memory. The holy rolling duo have, it appears, resorted to wholesale moral depravity and nihilism. I cannot vouch for these photographs but they were sent to me from a correspondent last seen in the subtropical jungles of a certain Central American nation. This same country is now under extreme societal pressure, a movement is fomenting. Violence is in the air, rebellion is spoken of in not entirely hushed tones. Quicksand has taken to the hills, ensconced in some primitive camp, engaged in rum-swilling hooliganism and political head-rolling. The local HBO signal has been pirated.

There are first-hand accounts of gun play:

And worse still, the team is utilizing the dark art of ancient Far East combat dance:

With these photos the, now missing, journalist had scribbled some rambling messages about the new roles Quicksand had adopted:

"What are they gonna say about Team Quicksand? What are they gonna say? That they were a kind team? That they were a wise bocce pair? They they had plans, man? That they had wisdom? Bullshit, man!"

I am not sure which is more frightening, the unsound methods Quicksand have now taken or the real possibility that they may now possess the answer after all.

The horror... the horror...