The Rhesus Monkeys! - Bilge

TM tiki mick Tiki Socialite SOCAL Joined: May 12, 2004 Posts: 4094	TM tiki mick Posted posted on Sun, Dec 16, 2012 1:24 PM To answer your question, John....sadly, the rhesus monkeys were NOT chosen to win this year's Hawaiian music awards. Seems they have this funny little clause in the contract that says you must pay a huge entrance fee on the order of 10,000 dollars to even be considered. Now, I was talking with my agent, Steve (who happens to be my older brother, Steve Vigor) and he told me a little bird told him that in order to be nominated for the Hawaiian music awards you could not actually play any real hawaiian music. I asked if "Jawaiian" music counted, and Steve told me that even that was called "so 90's" by the source he had on the judging committee. So looks like we are out. I did send a letter to the panel, asking them to reconsider. I even told them we had made some personnel changes.... (I had to fire a few monkeys because they were starting to upstage me.) Our new band consists of: Lucas Vigor: Casio and a trust fund "greedy John Baxter (Yes, an 8th cousin to Les): Drums Ann Chaino: (yes, THAT Chaino!) flute Marcie Midler: (Yes, her half sister) Dancer Colleen Degeneris: Dancer Ethel Spears: (Brittney's niece)Dancer John-O: Percussion Adrian Poly-Pop: Percussion Big Tiki Dude: Mellotron Despite my hard feelings toward the hawaiian music awards in general, I am happy to announce that a new Rhesus Monkeys album is currently being produced. I am going for broke this time, pulling out all the stops..... I can't reveal too much at this point, but I guarantee you this music will be accompanied by the usual excessive hype. Songs are being recorded right now that don't even threaten to groove! At one point on the 3rd song, there is actually a major scale played by my fake casio-vibraphone! I am sure I have created the perfect combination that will get this band to be "internationally known"....heck, we may even finally get a wikipedia page of our own, crediting us with being a real "exotica" act in the same league as Don Tiki and the martini kings! (Hey, all it takes are rabid fans to do my dirty work for me, and make up lies and false accolades!) Onward and upward! Additionally, Simon Fuller has just signed us to an exclusive contract. He is even supplying the computer loops and instrument downloads, auto-tune and pro tools to record the whole thing. I asked Simon if it was ok that we had never really paid our dues as a band, slogging away, playing on a rainy tuesday night for 3 people....and he said YES! He said "it's done all the time, Lucas!". I asked him if it was ok to bill ourselves as a "supergroup" and he said "sure!"...being as honest as I am, I initially questioned how this could be a supergroup when at the most, members of this band have not really gigged anywhere, and he told me "It's image and hype that counts! This is the music BUSINESS"... I guess the old adage is true: if you say a thing enough times, it becomes true. http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/ "yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in". [ Edited by: Lucas Vigor 2012-12-16 17:54 ]

To answer your question, John....sadly, the rhesus monkeys were NOT chosen to win this year's Hawaiian music awards.
Seems they have this funny little clause in the contract that says you must pay a huge entrance fee on the order of 10,000 dollars to even be considered.
Now, I was talking with my agent, Steve (who happens to be my older brother, Steve Vigor) and he told me a little bird told him that in order to be nominated for the Hawaiian music awards you could not actually play any real hawaiian music. I asked if "Jawaiian" music counted, and Steve told me that even that was called "so 90's" by the source he had on the judging committee.
So looks like we are out.
I did send a letter to the panel, asking them to reconsider. I even told them we had made some personnel changes....

(I had to fire a few monkeys because they were starting to upstage me.)

Our new band consists of:

Lucas Vigor: Casio and a trust fund
"greedy John Baxter (Yes, an 8th cousin to Les): Drums
Ann Chaino: (yes, THAT Chaino!) flute
Marcie Midler: (Yes, her half sister) Dancer
Colleen Degeneris: Dancer
Ethel Spears: (Brittney's niece)Dancer
John-O: Percussion
Adrian Poly-Pop: Percussion
Big Tiki Dude: Mellotron

Despite my hard feelings toward the hawaiian music awards in general, I am happy to announce that a new Rhesus Monkeys album is currently being produced. I am going for broke this time, pulling out all the stops.....

I can't reveal too much at this point, but I guarantee you this music will be accompanied by the usual excessive hype. Songs are being recorded right now that don't even threaten to groove! At one point on the 3rd song, there is actually a major scale played by my fake casio-vibraphone!

I am sure I have created the perfect combination that will get this band to be "internationally known"....heck, we may even finally get a wikipedia page of our own, crediting us with being a real "exotica" act in the same league as Don Tiki and the martini kings! (Hey, all it takes are rabid fans to do my dirty work for me, and make up lies and false accolades!)

Onward and upward!

Additionally, Simon Fuller has just signed us to an exclusive contract. He is even supplying the computer loops and instrument downloads, auto-tune and pro tools to record the whole thing. I asked Simon if it was ok that we had never really paid our dues as a band, slogging away, playing on a rainy tuesday night for 3 people....and he said YES! He said "it's done all the time, Lucas!".

I asked him if it was ok to bill ourselves as a "supergroup" and he said "sure!"...being as honest as I am, I initially questioned how this could be a supergroup when at the most, members of this band have not really gigged anywhere, and he told me "It's image and hype that counts! This is the music BUSINESS"...

I guess the old adage is true: if you say a thing enough times, it becomes true.

http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: Lucas Vigor 2012-12-16 17:54 ]

Post #661674 by tiki mick on Sun, Dec 16, 2012 1:24 PM