The Rhesus Monkeys!

Great news!

A new band I am involved with, The Rhesus Monkeys, is set to release our new, debut CD very soon. This is all very hush-hush, but I can leak some of the information ahead of the actual CD release date.

The music consists of a room full of chattering, howling Rhesus Monkeys flinging their feces against the walls, some vibraphone, some percussion, and a whole lot of expensive keyboards!. I cannot reveal the long and extensive list of tiki celebrities that contributed to this CD. Not just yet! What I can tell you is that this release will be accompanied by excessive merchandising.

The album art was designed by a VERY famous tiki artist whose very name should bring chills down your spines!

We are set to have our CD release party at Don the Beachcombers, but again, I cannot reveal too much.

There will be a specially designed, hand-crafted Rhesus Monkey’s mug….again, by a very famous tiki artist who you all know and love! Priced at 199.99, this mug is a steal! We also will be selling our new pendant, featuring “Rhesus Monkey Tiki”. This one features a removable Fez, and is priced starting at 49.99. We have a one- of- a kind ceremonial fountain (with lights and smoke machine) that also features a Rhesus Monkey on the top section. This one goes for 850.00. The CD itself will sell for 29.99, but will include shipping and handling.

Pre-sale for these items begins tomorrow, and everything can be ordered from:

WWW. Whocareswhatthemusicsoundslike.com

We will also be vending at Tiki Oasis, in a special booth right at the front where you pick up your wristbands.

Wow! The website is only just barely created, and I have already got 1500 + hits! Amazing, and thanks for your support! Due to popular demand, I will now reveal the album track listings, plus a quick preview of the CD cover art!

The album tracks are:

1. A room full of Monkeys
2. Got Fez?
3. The road to Roar-ah-bunga!
4. Stupid is, as stupid does
5. Tiki see, Tiki do!
6. Pass me the Mai-Tai
7. Bamboo dreams
8. Flingin’ the poo!
9. The falls of wiki-wiki-pee dee ah (sure)!
10. Do the brachiation!
11. Occipital bulge in my pants

And now for the album art!

http://www.myspace.com/Rhesus Monkeys.com

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2010-08-09 13:18 ]

Set up a tour with the Orangu-Tones!

-Randy

When can I pre-order ?????

Smells like satire in here

On 2010-08-09 11:54, lucas vigor wrote:

...chattering, howling Rhesus Monkeys flinging their feces against the walls...

Geez, how many bands is Bong in these days?

On 2010-08-09 14:43, aquarj wrote:
Set up a tour with the Orangu-Tones!

-Randy

Jeff (Big Tiki Dude) already has the Orangu-tones scheduled with a myriad of surf festivals! We tried, though!

On 2010-08-09 16:16, Doctor Z wrote:

On 2010-08-09 11:54, lucas vigor wrote:

...chattering, howling Rhesus Monkeys flinging their feces against the walls...

Geez, how many bands is Bong in these days?

Classic!

The phone does not stop ringing! The orders keep on coming and coming! I was able to get a first printing out to some people already, and here is what some of them PMed me (Used by their permission, of course):

"I checked my mail at lunch, and there was the new Rhesus Monkey's CD! I could hardly wait to hear it! I mixed up a Mai Tai and With trembling hands I gingerly opened the CD and placed it in my CD player. Sheer bliss! The music unfolded like a delicate lotus blossom! I could feel the lilting sea breeze and hear the gentle breakers, and imagine being there with the Rhesus Monkey's, chattering and screaming beyond the reef! This music transported me to another time, another place! As I slipped slowly into a golden, silver and orange Mai-Tai infused fog, I could feel my toe-hairs curling! Even my dog looked more relaxed and peaceful then he normally does! I have been playing this music non-stop since I got it!"

and......

"The CD arrived yesterday! Simply stunning! The best tiki music I have ever heard! Every note is sheer magic, every melody crisp and clean. The distortion guitar is beautiful! This one will enjoy an exhalted status in my home tiki bar!"

And finally......

"I knew this band was good as soon as I saw the cover art on the CD. Lucas Vigor and his crew know how to rock, roll, swing, shimmy, twist and lull you into oblivion! This has gotten to be one of my favorite CDs of all time. Simply the best in modern Tiki music!"

One more:

"I expected not to like this one, based on the many posts I have read from Lucas over the years (that have kept me and a lot of other people from even trying to listen to his other bands with an open mind), but in this one CD he has redeemed himself! This band needs to be headlining the next Tiki oasis! They are THAT good!"

So there you have it! Don't worry, I will be bringing a whole van load of these CDs in two weeks to you-know-where....I have sold so many already that I will be pressing more very soon! A major label has already expressed interest in signing us to an exclusive two-year contract, and our next effort is already being worked on as we speak! Onwards and upwards!

http://www.myspace.com/Rhesus Monkeys
http://www.myspace.com/The Dirty Sanchez

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2010-08-09 19:18 ]

you should plan a cd release party at the Tongua But.

they'll let anybody in there.

Jeff(btd)

We have bigger plans then that, my friend! Our team of agents are working on getting us a gig on the Andy Bumatai show, prime time baby! They wanted the best Exotica band in the world, and who better then the Rhesus Monkeys? We got Fezzes! We got mugs! We got artwork! We are ready to rock and roll!

Meanwhile, we have pre-sold 340 CDs as of last Sunday. The website crashed a couple times this weekend, due to too much traffic! I tell you, this is the biggest thing since Elliot Easton decided to suddenly become "tiki"! (hey, were' playin' frickin STAR TREK! Can ya believe that?)

But I figure what with a million other bands becoming "exotica" and enjoying so much publicity, exposure and help from so many dedicated fans...the Rhesus Monkey's just HAD to get us some too!

I kind of wish that our newfound, "insta-success" had happened for the Smoking Menehunes, (you remember them, right? They were that Hawaiian band playing highly authentic vintage hapa haole to mostly empty rooms for the last 7 years) but since the Rhesus Monkeys is already 5 million times more popular then the Menehunes ever were, I guess I can't be too bummed, right? Why be bitter after slogging away for 7 years, playing our hearts out, only to have the Rhesus Monkey's blow my old bands out of the water seemingly overnight! Why, it's just like American Idol! No longer does a band have to pay it's dues! Everything is based on exposure and popularity now! Thank God! How else could I put together an album that is basically just animal noises, vibraphone and casio keyboards and make as much money as I am making right now?

Go Rhesus Monkeys!

this should be in tiki marketplace.
or tiki events.

Jeff(btd)

Well folks, the Rhesus Monkey’s have now sold out ALL our debut CDs! I can’t believe 2500 units were shipped out as of yesterday! Don’t worry though, because a new record label “Shameless self promotion, Inc.” has just signed us to an exclusive 5 year contract!

Yesterday, we started booking time in the studio for what will be our Christmas album. I know, it’s been done to death before but that should not be a problem on this forum! After all, copying the idea, concept and success of others is the name of the game!

Sure, this music is bland and mediocre, sounding like it was produced on a Casio keyboard (probably because it WAS!) but in the music business, it’s really all about popularity, not real hard work or talent. So I am sure our Christmas album will also sell out within a few months of its release.

At first, even I was not sure if this music would be successful. After all, I shamelessly stole someone else’s idea and concept, repackaged it and dumbed it down. I thought it was really repetitive and actually pedantic, but the sales figures have proven me wrong!

The reviews of this maudlin and crappy product came in real quick, with excessive hyperbole inflating its reputation far beyond what it was worth! Terms like “Excellent”, “sheer bliss” , “Outstanding”, “superior”, and even “Mystical bordering on a religious experience” were bandied about, when I myself would have used words more like “Derivative”, “Sophmoric”. “Infantile” or even “Direct rip-off”….but I tend to me more hard on myself.

For music that has such as dim and distant relationship to real Tiki music, I am so surprised at the success of this project! I knew that when I started this project I needed to stay away from Hapa Haole music (which as we know, does not fit in with Tiki in the slightest way) and I also knew that I had to stay away from jazz based music. Sure, jazz worked well for Les Baxter, Martin Denny and Arthur Lyman but the current generation of “tiki” fans don’t go in for that kind of stuff. It’s all about rock music “re-imaged” with some tiki stuff on the album cover…

Anyway, till next time! Onwards and upwards, enjoying the success that should rightfully belong to others!

I wonder who this is in reference to?
:roll:
:wink:

Jeff(btd)

When is the band going to release that CD of B-sides you talked about, called "Rhesus Pieces"?

On 2010-09-23 16:05, Sabu The Coconut Boy wrote:
When is the band going to release that CD of B-sides you talked about, called "Rhesus Pieces"?

After the christmas album!

On 2010-09-23 11:19, bigtikidude wrote:
I wonder who this is in reference to?
:roll:
:wink:

Jeff(btd)

That’s a real good question, Jeff, and I am happy to answer it. It’s in reference to my new band, The Rhesus Monkeys. I have noticed that blowing your own horn is commonplace on this forum, so I figured that it’s perfectly ok for me to do the same with my band.

If someone reads anything into this, possibly about the over-commercialization of Tiki, or the shameless self-promotion bordering on Paris Hilton/Jersey Shore type levels, then that’s on them. Read into it what you will. If “insta-success” is the theme du jour, then the Rhesus Monkey’s reign supreme!

I do feel sorry, however, for those bands that toil in obscurity, creating excellent music that no one seems to care about, solely because the kool kids and hipsters don’t dig it. That makes me very sad. It seems in this day and age, true musicianship and talent seems to fall by the wayside, as other (more ruthless) “artists” grab all the headlines, constantly blowing their own horn very publically, or practically hiring others to blow the horn for them.

Even while I am actively being ruthless myself by crowing about my new band, The Rhesus Monkey’s, I tend to feel sorry for those bands or other events who can’t even get a measly thread to stay at or near the top of one of the forum sections without being drowned and pushed back down CONSTANTLY!

I use to have the opinion that musicians were supposed to be a family, supporting each other. I used to think that there was plenty to go around for everyone, and that everyone should be able to wet their beaks a little.

But that attitude has changed. Now it’s about me, me and me! I will grab what success I can for the Rhesus Monkeys at everyone else’s expense, and not feel bad about it at all!

And I don’t expect people to be unhappy about this at all. They should be used to it, since it happens all the time. In the old days, if a product was really good it would practically sell itself. But not anymore. Now you just find an idea or concept someone else worked hard to create, then duplicate it. If you are popular enough, then you will be successful at it. You will become “internationally known” overnight!

I will let you in on one secret I discovered, Jeff. There is yet another band forming right now, that is playing Hapa Haole music in the vintage Hawaiian style. But this band is made up of three fez-wearing tatted out dudes, who are friends with all the hipsters on this forum. Yes, this band is a pale imitation of the Smoking Menehunes, but I have every confidence that they will have much more success then the Menehunes ever did! You know why, Jeff? Because it’s all about two things: Hype, and who you know! If one of the kool kids says that this new group is most excellent, then everyone will flock to it, regardless whether the band is actually any good, or just has “Maggie’s Drawers”.

Many years ago there lived an Emperor who was so exceedingly fond of fine new clothes that he spent vast sums of money on dress. To him clothes meant more than anything else in the world. He took no interest in his army, nor did he care to go to the theatre, or to drive about in his state coach, unless it was to display his new clothes. He had different robes for every single hour of the day.
In the great city where he lived life was gay and strangers were always coming and going. Everyone knew about the Emperor's passion for clothes.
Now one fine day two swindlers, calling themselves weavers, arrived. They declared that they could make the most magnificent cloth that one could imagine; cloth of most beautiful colours and elaborate patterns. Not only was the material so beautiful, but the clothes made from it had the special power of being invisible to everyone who was stupid or not fit. for his post.
"What a splendid idea," thought the Emperor. "What useful clothes to have. If I had such a suit of clothes I could know at once which of my people is stupid or unfit for his post."
So the Emperor gave the swindlers large sums of money and the two weavers set up their looms in the palace. They demanded the finest thread of the best silk and the finest gold and they pretended to work at their looms. But they put nothing on the looms. The frames stood empty. The silk and gold thread they stuffed into their bags. So they sat pretending to weave, and continued to work at the empty loom till late into the night. Night after night they went home with their money and their bags full of the finest silk and gold thread. Day after day they pretended to work.
Now the Emperor was eager to know how much of the cloth was finished, and would have loved to see for himself. He was, however, somewhat uneasy. "Suppose," he thought secretly, "suppose I am unable to see the cloth. That would mean I am either stupid or unfit for my post. That cannot be," he thought, but all the same he decided to send for his faithful old minister to go and see. "He will best be able to see how the cloth looks. He is far from stupid and splendid at his work."
So the faithful old minister went into the hall where the two weavers sat beside the empty looms pretending to work with all their might.
The Emperor's minister opened his eyes wide. "Upon my life!" he thought. "I see nothing at all, nothing." But he did not say so.
The two swindlers begged him to come nearer and asked him how he liked it. "Are not the colors exquisite, and see how intricate are the patterns," they said. The poor old minister stared and stared. Still he could see nothing, for there was nothing. But he did not dare to say he saw nothing. "Nobody must find out,"' thought he. "I must never confess that I could not see the stuff."
"Well," said one of the rascals. "You do not say whether it pleases you."
"Oh, it is beautiful-most excellent, to be sure. Such a beautiful design, such exquisite colors. I shall tell the Emperor how enchanted) I am with the cloth."
"We are very glad to hear that," said the weavers, and they started to describe the colors and patterns in great detail. The old minister listened very carefully so that he could repeat the description to the Emperor. They also demanded more money and more gold thread, saying that they needed it to finish the cloth. But, of course, they put all they were given into their bags and pockets and kept on working at their empty looms.
Soon after this the Emperor sent another official to see how the men were ,getting on and to ask whether the cloth would soon be ready. Exactly the same happened with him as with the minister. He stood and stared, but as there was nothing to be seen, he could see nothing.
"Is not the material beautiful?" said the swindlers, and again they talked of 'the patterns and the exquisite colors. "Stupid I certainly am not," thought the official. "Then I must be unfit for my post. But nobody shall know that I could not see the material." Then he praised the material he did not see and declared that he was delighted with the colors and the marvelous patterns.
To the Emperor he said when he returned, "The cloth the weavers are preparing is truly magnificent."
Everybody in the city had heard of the secret cloth and were talking about the splendid material.
And now the Emperor was curious to see the costly stuff for himself while it was still upon the looms. Accompanied by a number of selected ministers, among whom were the two poor ministers who had already been before, the Emperor went to the weavers. There they sat in front of the empty looms, weaving more diligently than ever, yet without a single thread upon the looms.
"Is not the cloth magnificent?" said the two ministers. "See here, the splendid pattern, the glorious colors." Each pointed to the empty loom. Each thought that the other could see the material.
"What can this mean?" said the Emperor to himself. "This is terrible. Am I so stupid? Am I not fit to be Emperor? This is disastrous," he thought. But aloud he said, "Oh, the cloth is perfectly wonderful. It has a splendid pattern and such charming colors." And he nodded his approval and smiled appreciatively and stared at the empty looms. He would not, he could not, admit he saw nothing, when his two ministers had praised the material so highly. And all his men looked and looked at the empty looms. Not one of them saw anything there at all. Nevertheless, they all said, "Oh, the cloth is magnificent."
They advised the Emperor to have some new clothes made from this splendid material to wear in the great procession the following day.
"Magnificent.""Excellent." "Exquisite," went from mouth to mouth and everyone was pleased. Each of the swindlers was given a decoration to wear in his button-hole and the title of "Knight of the Loom".
The rascals sat up all that night and worked, burning more than sixteen candles, so that everyone could see how busy they were making the suit of clothes ready for the procession. Each of them had a great big pair of scissors and they cut in the air, pretending to cut the cloth with them, and sewed with needles without any thread.
There was great excitement in the palace and the Emperor's clothes were the talk of the town. At last the weavers declared that the clothes were ready. Then the Emperor, with the most distinguished gentlemen of the court, came to the weavers. Each of the swindlers lifted up an arm as if he were holding something. "Here are Your Majesty's trousers," said one. "This is Your Majesty's mantle," said the other. "The whole suit is as light as a spider's web. Why, you might almost feel as if you had nothing on, but that is just the beauty of it."
"Magnificent," cried the ministers, but they could see nothing at all. Indeed there was nothing to be seen.
"Now if Your Imperial Majesty would graciously consent to take off your clothes," said the weavers, "we could fit on the new ones." So the Emperor laid aside his clothes and the swindlers pretended to help him piece by piece into the new ones they were supposed to have made.
The Emperor turned from side to side in front of the long glass as if admiring himself.
"How well they fit. How splendid Your Majesty's robes look: What gorgeous colors!" they all said.
"The canopy which is to be held over Your Majesty in the procession is waiting," announced the Lord High Chamberlain.
"I am quite ready," announced the Emperor, and he looked at himself again in the mirror, turning from side to side as if carefully examining his handsome attire.
The courtiers who were to carry the train felt about on the ground pretending to lift it: they walked on solemnly pretending to be carrying it. Nothing would have persuaded them to admit they could not see the clothes, for fear they would be thought stupid or unfit for their posts.
And so the Emperor set off under the high canopy, at the head of the great procession. It was a great success. All the people standing by and at the windows cheered and cried, "Oh, how splendid are the Emperor's new clothes. What a magnificent train! How well the clothes fit!" No one dared to admit that he couldn't see anything, for who would want it to be known that he was either stupid or unfit for his post?
None of the Emperor's clothes had ever met with such success.
But among the crowds a little child suddenly gasped out, "But he hasn't got anything on." And the people began to whisper to one another what the child had said. "He hasn't got anything on." "There's a little child saying he hasn't got anything on." Till everyone was saying, "But he hasn't got anything on." The Emperor himself had the uncomfortable feeling that what they were whispering was only too true. "But I will have to go through with the procession," he said to himself.
So he drew himself up and walked boldly on holding his head higher than before, and the courtiers held on to the train that wasn't there at all.

Me, with my casio:

The rest of the "band"

http://www.myspace.com/lucasvigor

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2010-09-23 20:02 ]

And of course, we are going LATIN for next years Tiki oasis....(Oh yeah, we will be on the main stage, Saturday night, 10:00!)

(Thanks to one of our German fans for uploading this great shot!)

(yep, we are WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN)

http://www.myspace.com/lucasvigor

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2010-09-23 20:24 ]

thank you for the short n sweet answer.

Jeff(btd)

Quit monkeying around and get busy Lucas!!! CONGRATULATIONS :wink:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzEzK7Y4574

I know it's been more then a few months since the Rhesus Monkey's last posted....but we have some exciting news!

First and foremost, we ended up NOT being selected to "headline" this year's Tiki Oasis...the "powers that be"decided we were not "right" for the line-up, and the reasons were that we had not won any Hawaiian music awards lately.

We did, however, win the "noble piece prize"....no, not the world famous prize that is awarded to heads of state or super world-famous "exotica" bands....This is a lesser award, and we won it for creating this year's most derivitive sound-alike album!

See, our strategy was really simple....using a casio keyboard and then buying the services of a lot of famous folk...we completely ripped of The Tikiyaki Orchestra..almost note for note (but just not as good). We were hoping no one would notice how we ripped off Jim's band...but our album just skyrocketed! Sales took off!
It really reminds me of that scene in the 4th Pink Panther movie, where former Chief Inspector Dreyfuss is talking to Clousseux about how Clousseux was occupying his former position and reaping the rewards that should have rightfully been his...oh well, it's truly an old story and history repeats itself....

But don't worry..even though the Rhesus Monkey's have been relegated to playing lesser venues and smaller stages....our spirit remains un-broken! No matter how much we are disrected, kicked to the dirt, thrown in the "where are they now?" bin, the Rhesus Monkey's always seem to pull out of the tailspin at the last moment!

Why? Because we are real musicians...musicians that take immense pride in what we do. Sure, we won't win any popularity contests on tiki central....but we know we are the REAL DEAL! We didn't purchase our way to the top of the tiki food chain...(we just stole it note-for-note and then called it our own!)

So start sending those letters to the powers that be! Start a petition! Don't you want to see the Rhesus Monkey's headlining Tiki Oasis!

How about "Goin' Primitive" in Oct ??

Isn't that a monkey theme ??

To answer your question, John....sadly, the rhesus monkeys were NOT chosen to win this year's Hawaiian music awards.
Seems they have this funny little clause in the contract that says you must pay a huge entrance fee on the order of 10,000 dollars to even be considered.
Now, I was talking with my agent, Steve (who happens to be my older brother, Steve Vigor) and he told me a little bird told him that in order to be nominated for the Hawaiian music awards you could not actually play any real hawaiian music. I asked if "Jawaiian" music counted, and Steve told me that even that was called "so 90's" by the source he had on the judging committee.
So looks like we are out.
I did send a letter to the panel, asking them to reconsider. I even told them we had made some personnel changes....

(I had to fire a few monkeys because they were starting to upstage me.)

Our new band consists of:

Lucas Vigor: Casio and a trust fund
"greedy John Baxter (Yes, an 8th cousin to Les): Drums
Ann Chaino: (yes, THAT Chaino!) flute
Marcie Midler: (Yes, her half sister) Dancer
Colleen Degeneris: Dancer
Ethel Spears: (Brittney's niece)Dancer
John-O: Percussion
Adrian Poly-Pop: Percussion
Big Tiki Dude: Mellotron

Despite my hard feelings toward the hawaiian music awards in general, I am happy to announce that a new Rhesus Monkeys album is currently being produced. I am going for broke this time, pulling out all the stops.....

I can't reveal too much at this point, but I guarantee you this music will be accompanied by the usual excessive hype. Songs are being recorded right now that don't even threaten to groove! At one point on the 3rd song, there is actually a major scale played by my fake casio-vibraphone!

I am sure I have created the perfect combination that will get this band to be "internationally known"....heck, we may even finally get a wikipedia page of our own, crediting us with being a real "exotica" act in the same league as Don Tiki and the martini kings! (Hey, all it takes are rabid fans to do my dirty work for me, and make up lies and false accolades!)

Onward and upward!

Additionally, Simon Fuller has just signed us to an exclusive contract. He is even supplying the computer loops and instrument downloads, auto-tune and pro tools to record the whole thing. I asked Simon if it was ok that we had never really paid our dues as a band, slogging away, playing on a rainy tuesday night for 3 people....and he said YES! He said "it's done all the time, Lucas!".

I asked him if it was ok to bill ourselves as a "supergroup" and he said "sure!"...being as honest as I am, I initially questioned how this could be a supergroup when at the most, members of this band have not really gigged anywhere, and he told me "It's image and hype that counts! This is the music BUSINESS"...

I guess the old adage is true: if you say a thing enough times, it becomes true.

http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

"yer jus not tuned into the series of tubes yet, let it soak in".

[ Edited by: Lucas Vigor 2012-12-16 17:54 ]

Bump