Message from Tiki Bong

My esteemed colleague Dr. Hanford Bong would like me to pass on the following message: I receieved this directly from Flabojah..

"greetings from Flabojah, Ubekistan. I have been immersed in research here for my gold dredging operations for the last several weeks, and have been unable to post my usual caustic and highly inflammatory posts. The gold dredging is going very well, and I should be able to afford that prosthetic device you all know I needed, (but were afraid to ask about) and a few other things of a heavy nature. I do miss you all warmly and fondly, (all of you except Baxdog, that is) so for anyone wondering "where fo art thou" please visit my website at http://www.KEEPMASTER.COM, for updates on the dredging, the briefcase UFO detector and other inventions I have been working with and designing. Some of you may have noticed that I have lost a little weight, grown a few inches taller, and am wearing a funny hat. This is in no way reason for you to be alarmed. I will return to my flaccid state soon, and as General Douglass F. Steward said in 1956.."I WILL go to Korea".

I hope to be reunited with y'all very soon. At the present time, I am entertaining a small group of local herders in my tent for some yak-tea liquor, silly games and a couple of indigenous dances afterwards. I wish you were here to see it!

All except baxdog, of course. He is boycotted because when I asked him to invest in my gold-dredging operation, he demurred most vociferously, and very rudely.

Bax, next time, a simple "no" would be sufficient. You did not have to come to my house and take it to the level you did! After all, we have been friends a long time and throwing my triple neck steel guitar thru my front window was just plain tasteless and uncalled for!

I miss Bong, he diffuses teh spotlight that shines a light on my alcoholism.

Sam, add chemically altered entrepeneurs to the list!

Is that what you kids are calling the drunk tank these days?

More from Bong (recieved 1-25-04)

"Hi everyone !
I am back from the December dredging trip.
The final version of the dredge tested good.
I ran it as a test for 4 hours in tailings only and recovered an American penny weight
of fines.
What this means is that the machine is capable of recovering an ounce of gold (down
to micro dust) every 40 hours IN THE WORST CASE SCENARIO....I.E. someone else's
cleaned dirt / tailings. In any other situation it should recover at double the rate.
As a result I have now edited the pages that describe how to make it.

On a side note:
I have also developed a few other unique systems that process and recover all the fine gold WITHOUT USING CHEMICALS.
UPDATE: o.k. it isn't over yet....I am attempting to melt gold using the kitchen
micro wave. Stumbling on to stuff....kind fun.

I will also be attempting via reverse osmosis/temperature induction to change my tiki bar into a walmart.

Please stay posted!

Where fo are thou?"

great googly moogly!!

Jimmy Buffet.

Another note passed on to me by Dr. T.K. Bong:

Hi Y'all! From my state of ban-ness, I greet you all with the utmost southern comfort and hospitality. I am wearing my fez right now, and am reading all these posts from my tent high up on the Russian Steppes. Last night, we ate some cloned fugu-berries, listened to our favorite band the agents of scooby-doo, and did an emergency cystoscopy on a siberian lynx, who we named "Robert Draslin".

We have had some amazing successes with the proto-type liquid separator. I designed this to mainly produce "Lant", which is industrial grade urine used for dying and etching steel. Funny thing is you can drink it too. Which we did.

Anyway (Woo-ha!) we did some more silly little native dances that were done due to the close proximity of the gooseberry festival. These were done dirt cheap. There is one dance called "tumulatoda" which goes like this: Flap Flap Flap (creepy, huh?)and the locals here really get into, especially when drunk off Lant, which I turned them onto.

I am a little dismayed however that no one has checked out my website http://www.KEEPMASTER.COM

I advise everyone to come on in, roll up your sleeves, pick up that 7" langstrom-Gangler wrench and get crackin! Now that the space race is on, there will be plenty of work for everyone, despite the fact that the russians just beat the pants off us!

I plan on being at the Kookylau 07, to be held in Las Vegas next year. I will have my own booth, where I will be selling little items made from gold I dredged using my new proto-type. Hope to see y'all there!!!!!

Bring your Fez!

Waiter! I'll have one of whatever they're having.

Now I can sing a bawdy drinking song,
And I can quote a dirty rhyme,
But the one word that can make me blush
is "Flabohjah" - every time.

When I was a young Protestant
The Pastor said to me,
"Let's read from First Flabohjah,
Chapter five, verse twenty-three."

"Thus travelled far, the Spatulites,
into the land of Jod,
and smote the mighty Mag-lites
with the holy Camel-Prod."

"And when they had possessed the Land,
From Percodan to Tara-Reid
They ate the sacred Cack-o-loins
But spat-out every seed."

"What learn you from these words, my son?
A lesson rare, perhaps?"
"I've learned that your a foul-mouthed bastard!"
And I kicked him in the Apse

Then I grabbed him by the Wurlitzer
And tossed him on his Pew
And I marched out of that filthy church
And became an Irish Jew.

Now, when I was a young Tikiphile
At the age of twenty-six
I traveled West to Hollywood
To visit Trader Vic's.

I met a fine young lady,
Walking Sunset Boulevard.
She winked and said, "Flabohjah"
And my Kahikis both went hard.

She took me to a motel room
And showed me her Leilanis
She gently held my Mainlander
And purred, "My! but aren't you brawny"

I rubbed her Mr. Peanut,
The glaze was really pink!
She put my flame-red War God
To her lips and took a drink.

But when her velvet box revealed
An untouched Kona Kai,
I actually spilled my Navy Grog
From Mister Bali Hai!

"You're a Missionary's Downfall"
I moaned with deep affection
She said, "I'd be your Vicious Virgin,
For one-half that mug collection."

We were married late that Summer
At the temple on the lane.
We named our son, Flabohjah,
And our daughters, Kim and Jane.

And at the circumcision
The old Mohel gave a snort
"Flabohjah's a good name for him,
'Cause Dick would be too short!"

But after half-an-hour,
As his brows began to sweat,
He said, "Your son, Flabohjah
Might be the death of me just yet."

And half-an-hour later
I whispered to my wife,
"We wouldn't still be standing here,
If he'd used a bigger knife"

But at last the deed was over
As the sun began to set
"You might want to invest", he sighed,
"In a larger Bassinet."

And as our son grew tall and strong
The neighbors all concurred,
He epitomized "Flabohjah"
In every nuance of the word.

His chest was broad and muscular
His face was smooth and tan
His pajamas were the same ones used
By Sumu Wrestlers in Japan.

For nothing stirred the local girls,
to thoughts of sweet romance,
As the array of garments young
Flabohjah wore in lieu of pants.

He was most at ease in Lava-Lavas,
Pareos, or a Kilt.
He could wear an orange Djellabah,
Without the slightest sense of guilt.

So knowing where his talents lay,
I pulled a couple strings,
And launched his infamous career,
In women's under-things

His notoriety is only
Superseded by his fame,
And though he's no longer "Flabohjah",
I'm sure you've probably heard his name.

The inventor of the push-up bra,
The G-String and the Thong,
He lives on Tiki Central now
And goes by "TIKI BONG"

A great poem by Sabu the coconut boy!

Can we trade a TikiBong ban for a Lucas Vigor ban?

i would rather read ALL of Bong's posts than a single comment from Mr. Vigor!

he never stops droning on and on about prog-rock and beatle-hating...

Bong's much funnier!

Bring back Bong
cause lucas is so WRONG!

:lol:

Well, that it explains it.

(Nice writin', 'Bu!)

On 2009-07-09 14:07, little lost tiki wrote:
Can we trade a TikiBong ban for a Lucas Vigor ban?

i would rather read ALL of Bong's posts than a single comment from Mr. Vigor!

he never stops droning on and on about prog-rock and beatle-hating...

Bong's much funnier!

Bring back Bong
cause lucas is so WRONG!

:lol:

Little Lost Tiki, if loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right!!!

then
may i suggest..
you politely step down
and let Bong come back to TC?
:lol:

Personally, I am glad he is banned!

If he was still here, I would be the first one wishing him into the cornfield!

Bad gopher!!

flabojah bump

You can see his royal flabojah live tonight at his book signing for the latest book he actually wrote: "Confessions of a seal hunter"....this will be at the sidebar in fullerton, right by the fullerton train station. Starting at 9:00.

Tireless, insane, sophmoric...these are just some of the superlatives that apply to this nasty, nasty man!

And don't forget to check out his website: http://www.keepmaster.com/ !!!

corn bump

Ark Ark Ark Bump!

On 2005-01-25 13:40, lucas vigor wrote:
My esteemed colleague Dr. Hanford Bong would like me to pass on the following message: I receieved this directly from Flabojah..

Here's a simple question - Can one be banned for being the online proxy of someone who has been banned?

Why? Would you like me to be banned?

Of course not, but I would not have personal knowledge of such things, myself.................:P :P

On 2012-03-06 14:04, lucas vigor wrote:
Why? Would you like me to be banned?

Only if there is a total ban against smoking in Tikicentral. Otherwise, I enjoy Hawaiian music just way too much to see that happening.

The question is only one of theory, i.e. is a Navy Grog with pimento dram better than one without pimento dram?

so when does tiki_bong come back?

I dunno bout coming back,
but I got a nice wake up call at 9 am
from Bong today, to bad I went to bed at 4 am.
Ooooof

thanks Bong.
bout gave me a heart attack,
Jeff(btd)

On 2012-03-19 16:08, bigtikidude wrote:
I dunno bout coming back,
but I got a nice wake up call at 9 am
from Bong today, to bad I went to bed at 4 am.
Ooooof

thanks Bong.
bout gave me a heart attack,
Jeff(btd)

Jeff, it's now 6:00 pm....time to roll out of bed, please.

what cha talkin about?
after John O's bus trip to Ventura,
I got home at 3:15 am, and went to bed at 6 am,
but I was up by 12:30 pm

Jeff(btd)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6X2NVGFiec

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdsC--CV3Iw&feature=related

http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/lookin-good-theme-from-the-bad