Pappy Takes a Bartending Course

Now, just to remind you of how a cocktail is really supposed to be made, take a few moments to watch this bartender in action. In a more perfect world, this guy would have been teaching your bartending course.

Wow. And cool website. Makes me want to be a better bartender.

Week 8:

Prof. was supposed to arrive an hour early so we could practice drink simulation. He did not. The four of us who showed up early listened to him talk on his cell phone for 20 minutes. Then we sat around gabbing. He went off on another "glass" lecture. (Mostly everything in a highball glass.) Then he talked about Polynesian drinks. Things went pretty quickly--he started dissing Polynesian drinks, then he started dissing people who wanted Polynesian drinks then I put on my coat and walked out. Class over!

I plan on writing a blistering course review (I saved the form).

Lesson learned: You're crazy if you take a bartending course. If you own the Grog Log and you give a crap, you're already a better bartender than your average #^@*head with an apron.

Happy Thanksgiving, TC Ohana!

Pappy, pappy, pappy. Why don't I just send you my Tom Collins article, then you can have all the facts in front of you.

[email protected]

Hey Pappy,

Great posts! Very entertaining! I always wanted to take a bartending course... until now!! Sounds like a surreal experience... you probably needed a Mai-Tai or two before the class!

I heard someone say once that "the only true education is self education" This guy may be full of baloney, but in the spirit of self-improvement, I've been working thru the Beachbum books and I've bought a number of Trader Vic's books (the old out of print ones from the 40's- you can get them thru Amazon.com), which are a total hoot. Vic shoots from the hip and tells it like it is!

Those old guys (Trader Vic and Don the Beachcomer) relied on fresh ingredients (juice, limes, etc) and premium rums and liquors. Also, the drinks are complex and take time to make. All this means it isn't economical to do at a bar these days - so you have to do it at home - or be disappointed (unless you are in the right bar!).

Thanks again for the great reporting!

It's funny you should say that. I just got a copy of Trader Vic's bar guide from 1974 (or so) thru Amazon this week. It was less than 8 bucks including shipping. I love the 21st century! (except for the lack of cool cars, cool tiki places and the decline of American culture generally)

On 2006-11-22 11:47, pappythesailor wrote:... You're crazy if you take a bartending course....

Crazy is as Crazy Does......

I owe you the biggest and best Mai-Tai I can make. Thank you for suffering through the course so that we too may enjoy the course and learn what little that man has to offer.

I still wish you would have stabbed him with a pen....

Pappy, do follow up on the course evaluation.

I'm presently a senior in college and have just taken a foreign language course that I found horribly taught, as compared to the various other foreign languages I've learned.

Anyway, yesterday I sat down at the computer and typed for about an hour on how poor the curriculum was and why. Come evaluation day, I plan to anonymously slip my "essay" into the pile.

My advice is to not make it too offensive, because you don't want to the teacher to put it down after having read halfway through, and also, try to establish some sort of credibility you have on the subject (if any), just so the teacher doesn't think it's the ramblings of a disgruntled student.

[ Edited by: DJ HawaiianShirt 2006-11-29 07:20 ]

Pappy,
Thanks for chronicling your travails. I thought for sure week 8 was going to be flair week.
JTD

On 2006-11-24 14:28, DrMike wrote:
...Those old guys (Trader Vic and Don the Beachcomer) relied on fresh ingredients (juice, limes, etc) and premium rums and liquors. Also, the drinks are complex and take time to make. All this means it isn't economical to do at a bar these days - so you have to do it at home - or be disappointed (unless you are in the right bar!).

Thanks again for the great reporting!

Um... wrong. I point to a few examples
A) Trader Vic's International
B) Mai Kai - perenially the highest grossing restaurant in the nation
C) Forbidden Island
D) Hala Kahiki
etc.

The fact that 99.9999...% don't do it is not the same as saying it is not economical. This is really a big ol' secret that people like Martiki know.

Secondly, at Hale Tiki in Augusta, they bought a bag of fresh limes and hand squeezed them and compared the cost to the store bought lime juice and found it was actually cheaper to make the fresh.

Pappy,
Was this a bartending course meant to get your a license? I know each state has some sort of rules on these things and a course is required and it usually focuses on health requirements and legalities, etc. That does not sound like what you did. But, if so, I can understand the lack of interest. This guy gets paid regardless and there is a never ending stream of customers.
But if this was supposed to be a fun and enlightening course, jees. Makes me want to come up with something and see who joins. You could do a course and set a fee, plus assign each student to bring a certain siz bottle of a certain liquor. Cover all the bases and allow tasting and making real drinks that way. Hmmm.

Swanky, are you sure about the Mai Kai being the highest grossing restaurant in the nation? As much as I want to believe that, I just don't. If they're so rich, why does it still look like the Hurricane happened yesterday?

I had fantasies about doing some part time bartending but this class soured me. I don't think I'd ever bartend for real (unless Bargoyle opens a place nearby!) so no, I wasn't going for my license. Indirectly, it probably did help me though. It made me sure I was going to be better than that guy with every drink I make!

On 2006-11-29 08:52, pappythesailor wrote:
Swanky, are you sure about the Mai Kai being the highest grossing restaurant in the nation? As much as I want to believe that, I just don't. If they're so rich, why does it still look like the Hurricane happened yesterday?...

Think about it for a second. They serve 300-1200 a night, with the cheapest thing on the menu at about $20, plus the $10 for the show, and drinks. They serve 1200 a night for long stretchs of their busy season. They also have been the number one seller of rum in the nation...

As for the looks of the place, that's all a long beaurocratic story. Part of it is due to current codes requiring things be done certain ways which in the end means a whole helluva lot of money, just to fix a roof. Part of it has to do with the fact that they still have not gotten a settlement from the insurance company for damage by Wilma, what, years ago? I mean, you won't go fix your roof for $8,000 and later have the insurance company give you $4,000. Or, find they were going to give you $15,000 and now they only give you $8,000 cuz that's what you spent...

The Mai Kai looks like it does, not because business is poor. Business is great. Nor does it look like that because they do not care. They care a lot. It's just a lot of factors that make it the way it is. Maybe by the time we all get down there for Hukilau 2007, the valet area and the main hall will be restored to what we expect. Let's hope so.

Pappy,

Here is the Tom Collins article that I was referring to before:

The Great Tom Collins Hoax.

By George Sinclair.

Published by CLASS magazine; 7th October 2006.

One of the great test questions that one bartender can ask another is "What is the difference between a Tom Collins and a Gin Fizz?". The answer that the inquirer expects is usually that the Tom Collins is built over ice in a Collins Glass, and that the Gin Fizz is shaken, and then strained in an empty glass, whereupon the glass is filled with soda water. However, nothing could be further from the truth, in fact the Gin's Fizz is supplied by the addition of "Fizzy" water (i.e. carbonated soda water). You see, the Gin Fizz is a much older concoction than the Collins, dating back to the first appearance of carbonated water.

The Tom Collins is from a specific year and named after a specific event, with the event in question being the Great Tom Collins Hoax of 1874.

Gettysburg Compiler (1874)

"Have you seen Tom Collins"

"If you haven't, perhaps you had better do so, and as quick as you can, for he is talking about you in a very rough manner--calling you hard names, and altogether saying things about you that are rather calculated to induce people to believe there is nothing you wouldn't steal short of a red-hot stove. Other little things of that nature he is openly speaking in public places, and as a friend--although of course we don't wish to make you feel uncomfortable--we think you ought to take some notice of them and of Mr. Tom Collins. This is about the cheerful substance of a very successful practical joke which has been going the rounds of the city in the past week. It is not to this manor born, but belongs to New York, where it was played with immense success to crowded houses until it played out."

Steubenville Daily Herald (1874)

"Frantic young men rushed wildly through the streets of the city on Saturday hunting the libelous Tom Collins."

There are many other examples of people and newspaper journalists helping to propagate the Tom Collins Hoax, by printing false sightings and the like. The hoax gained such notoriety that it was used as the subject of music hall songs, one such being "Tom Collins: Or, I've been led astray," penned by W. D. Fountain (1874).

The first occurrence of the Tom Collins Recipe dates to the 1876 edition of Jerry Thomas' "The Bartenders Guide". Thomas listed 3 drinks called Tom Collins, the Tom Collins Whiskey, Tom Collins Brandy and, last but not least, the Tom Collins Gin.

Tom Collins Gin, Jerry Thomas (1876).

(Use small bar-glass.)
Take 5 or 6 dashes of gum syrup.
Juice of a small lemon.
1 large wine-glass of Gin.
2 or 3 lumps of ice;

Shake up well and strain into a large bar-glass. Fill up the glass with plain soda water and imbibe while it is lively.

The preparation for the Tom Collins is that of being shaken with ice and then being topped with soda water. The Gin Fizz, or Fiz as it was also called, was built in a glass, with or without ice, and then "fizzed" with carbonated water. If you wish to recreate a Silver Fizz, by adding egg-white (albumen), or a Golden Fizz, by adding egg-yolk, then you really will have to shake the ingredients beforehand.

Gin Fizz, Jerry Thomas (1862)

(Use medium bar-glass.)
Take 1 tea-spoonful of powdered white sugar.
3 dashes of Fresh Lemon Juice.
1 wine-glass of Holland Gin
1 small piece of Ice.

Fill up the glass with Apollinaris or Seltzer water, stir thoroughly and serve.

Notice that the Gin Fizz recipe uses Holland Gin, which refers to Dutch Gin, or Jenever as it is now known. It is a fact that in the 1800s, Hollands Gin (Jenever) was imported into the United States at a ratio of approximately 6 litres to every litre of English London Dry Gin. Also notice that the Gin Fizz is basically a Gin and Sodawater with a little bit of lemon juice, whereas the Tom Collins contains considerably more lemon juice, basically rendering it as a Gin and Sparkling Lemonade.

Moving on, we find ourselves contemplating the significance of the so-called "John Collins Limerick", which goes as follows:

'My name is John Collins,
head waiter at Limmer's,
Corner of Conduit Street,
Hanover Square,
My chief occupation is filling
brimmers
For all the young gentlemen
frequenters there.'

The above rhyme is cited by the International Bartenders Association (IBA) as being the proof that the John Collins drink preceded the Tom Collins and was also created in London, England. But where did this limerick come from? According to the IBA it was printed in a 1892 tome called "Drinks of the World", which contemporary newspaper sources at the time referred to as "a quaint compilation". The 1892 book compiled the limerick from a "discursive paper, pleasantly written by Sir MORELL MACKENZIE, M.D., ", written in mid-1891, and which was subsequently refuted in the next published issue of Punch magazine (Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 101, August 8, 1891). Apparently the good doctor, royal physician to be exact, mistranslated the song of "Jim Collins", his reason, according to the Punch correspondent, was to prove a link between the song and the creation of the drink, which did not, in all actuality, exist.

"My name is JIM COLLINS,
'Ead-vaiter at Limmers',
The corner of Conduck Street,
'Anover Square.
"And my hokkipashun
Is sarvin' out liquors
To such sportin' covies
As chance to come there."

Not only, it seems, is the oft-quoted "John Collins Limerick" an incorrectly certified "fact", but it doesn't mention any specific drink in either transcription as being created by the head-waiter, Jim or John. So what were the "covies" of Limmer's Hotel quaffing? Why the "famous Gin Punch" of course. While Gin Punch is similar to a Gin Sling, in that it uses gin, lemon juice, sugar and water, it is not similar enough to a Tom Collins, or John Collins, to be called such. The fact is that no drink other than a Gin Punch has been associated with Limmers, it seems that the idea of a drink known as "John Collins" predating the "Tom Collins" is totally down to the fantastical thinking of one man; Sir Morell MacKenzies, in 1891.

The final question that remains to be answered is whether the Tom Collins was named for its use of Old Tom Gin. The early recipes for the Tom Collins make no mention of Old Tom Gin, with the earliest recipe making no mention of Gin either. Remember that the first recorded Tom Collins recipe is from the second edition of Jerry Thomas' book, published in 1876, in which the Tom Collins is a class of drink, with the type of alcoholic spirit being used specified after the name Tom Collins (i.e. "-brandy","-whiskey","-gin"). It is others, who came after Thomas, that changed the Tom Collins into a purely Gin drink.

Cheers!

George

This is kinda off topic but with bartenders using cheatsheets like the ones from here: http://www.cheatsheetpublishing.com/bartendercheatsheet.html, what kind of drinks do you expect to get. The mai tai recipe is a real winner:

Surely if you are going to cheat it would be best to get the recipes correct: The Mai Tai and Manhattan aren't what I would call standard, nor historically correct.

Doesn't every bar keep a copy of the cocktail specifications behind the bar (laminated is optional)?

On 2006-12-28 01:11, thinkingbartender wrote:
...Doesn't every bar keep a copy of the cocktail specifications behind the bar (laminated is optional)?

Every one of those things I have seen has been so totally wrong as far as the recipes go. Well.... wrong is not quite right, more like a recipe cheater for complete bartending idiots. If I see one of those behind a bar I immediately switch my order to a basic that can't be screwed up like a SoCo on the rocks.

I understand thier value behind a bar because you have to be able to make whatever your customers order and there is only so much storage space in the brain.... but why do so many of those laminated cheaters have such horrible recipes on them? Is there a market for making one of those things with 'good' recipes on it? Maybe we as the Tiki Nation can make a billion of them and take them with us and give them to our favorite local non-tiki bars as a public service. Maybe then we might get a decent Mai-Tai at your average bar.

On 2006-12-27 18:44, thegreenman wrote:
...

AND..... look at the recipe for a Vodka Martini? If you have to refer to a cheater like this to know that you use Vodka instead of Gin in a Vodka Martini should you really be on that side of the bar?

Thank you very much for sharing this Greenman, it has been the best laugh I have had all day!

On 2006-12-28 13:11, Chip and Andy wrote:

On 2006-12-27 18:44, thegreenman wrote:
...

AND..... look at the recipe for a Vodka Martini? If you have to refer to a cheater like this to know that you use Vodka instead of Gin in a Vodka Martini should you really be on that side of the bar?

Thank you very much for sharing this Greenman, it has been the best laugh I have had all day!

Holy crap. I saw the cheat sheet earlier, but didn't spend that much time really looking through it. I didn't even notice the martini until now. No Gin, use Vodka. Gee, you think? :)
Ridiculous.

On 2006-12-27 18:44, thegreenman wrote:
The mai tai recipe is a real winner:

Can you post the rest of the cheat sheet if you have it. I suspect we would all get a really good laugh from it.

And, if you follow the link they have a Martini Cheat Sheet with OVER 350 REcipes.

(I don't know if I should laugh or cry......)

Who wants a Mai Tai?

[ Edited by: Chip and Andy 2006-12-29 06:48 ]

I dunno. It would take me as long to make sense of some of those abbreviated abbreviations as it would to just look it up. One day, when I've made all the drinks in Bum's book, I'm gonna try one of them martinis.

Pappy, great thread. Two comments:

1- It gave me loads of fun.
2- I started mixing just some months ago, and I consider I know some more things about drinks (at least about tiki drinks) than your teacher showed. My main resources of knowledge are TikiCentral and Beachbum's books, as everyone, but never attended any bartending course or whatever. And if in some months I know how to make a decent Mai Tai (at least my tiki-ignorant friends think so), after thirty years of reading Tiki Central my mixology skills will be great! Thanks you all!
3- Um, and sorry about my lousy English.

BS

Oh my, what a hysterical thread! Thanks to BastardoSaffrin for reviving this.

And many thanks to Pappy for going through with this journalistic experiment and saving any of us from repeating his mistake. Priceless!

BS,
Your English is just fine.

I actually just re-read this thread. Seemed like a bad dream until I did. Man, that class sucked. I just want to say one more thing about it: I didn't make any of that class stuff up; it all really happened.

Some of the things I didn't hear them discuss in your class were speed, efficiency, ordering the bottles for easy accessability, managing and using ice, preparation for the beginning of the day, bar speak for customers, the role of the bar keep with the customer, etc. I've often wanted to take a bar course, not just for the recipes, but for the knowledge of successful techniques and tips.

You learn a lot about home bartending here at TC, but nothing beats learning from successful professional experience in order to prepare for a job in the profession. Sadly, after 30 years, it sounds like your instructor never mastered much more than a quick pour.

I was a bartender for most of the 10 years of the '80s, I worked at three establishments in the 10 year span and always two of the "joints" at a time to come up with 7 days work and 9 shifts a week!
Bartending in the 80's was just different - the old Mr. Boston Bartenders guide was the bible, but that said... you poured drinks the way your bar manager wanted you to!

I worked at a Resort hotel and Restaurant in Hampton Beach NH (The Ashworth/ the Patriot Lounge) Live bands 7 nights a week catering to the 40 to 70 year old crowd. We served all the classics - Martinis, Manhattans, Rob Roys, Old Fashions, Grasshoppers, Golden Cadillacs, Greyhounds (Vodka/Grapefruit) Salty Dogs (Vodka/Grapefruit with a salted Rim - even Blackberry Brandy and Soda. We also made Pina Coladas and Strawberry Daiquiris. We'd pour fast and pour with two bottles in each hand. After hours the bar manager would have us there until the sun started two rise lining up the bar with shot glasses drinking baby stingers and raiding the restaurant walk in for late night snacks. Can't tell you how many nights I'd race home trying to beat the sun up and get a few hours sleep before starting all over again!

I also worked at a high end multi room nightclub /Disco - The Palace in Saugus Mass, just down the street from the Kowloon! The entertainment complex had 7 themed rooms, 35 bars and 35 bartenders each night. My shift usually started at 10pm and went till 1pm. Flashing Lights/ booming music and drinks as fast as you could make em - every bartender rang out at least $1000/shift! That's a lot of 3 and 4 dollar drinks in 80's time. Here's the kick at the Palace - management would place spotters at the bar to observe us. Often the manager would bring a new cash drawer to your register, run the tape and take your drawer... if it didn't balance you were relieved on the spot and an auxiliary bartender was waiting in the wings to replace you. Each night the manager would come by with two bottles of water and a shot glass and test your ability to pour an accurate shot - Bottles must be completely inverted vertically in the pour! Tough work, strict standards and a lot of rules!

Things are different now - I don't think I could even step behind a bar - with all the new variations and all the new bartender created drinks that sweep the nation in a fast paced trend! Even all the new martini variations - never had em in the 80's - just Martinis's, Vodka Maritinis and Gimlets!

I think that's why I love to find a classic Tiki/Polynesian/Chinese "joint" Classic drinks made with classic recipes!

Just thought I'd tell you my bartender story! They were the good ole days to me!

[ Edited by: jpmartdog 2007-07-26 16:42 ]

On 2007-07-26 16:29, jpmartdog wrote:...I think that's why I love to find a classic Tiki/Polynesian/Chinese "joint" Classic drinks made with classic recipes!

Just thought I'd tell you my bartender story! They were the good ole days to me!

OK, under the premise that the Pizza Boy never orders Pizza...... Now that you have 'retired' from tending bar I have two questions for you:

First, What does your home-bar look like? Second, as an extension to the first question, at the end of the day when you make a cocktail what do you pour? I mean what is your favorite go-to recipe for that one last cocktail to be had during 'me-time?'

Hey C & A, I wish I could report that I had a lovely well stocked home tiki bar like so many of the pictures that we see here on TC, however.... the reality of the story is that for those ten years of bartending, booze and babes - me and my coworkers referred to our tips as "funtickets". They went out of my hands as easily as they came in! In my 20's, (after graduating from University of New Hampshire)when I should have been developing a career and a game plan for my 30's, 40's and beyond- I was playing. In the years since I've been jumping from job to job, trying to reinvent myself, trying to be an artist, trying to make a buck. (If you really want to know) -http://www.jonmooers.com/id2.html

My bottles sit on a counter in a corner of my one room apartment at the moment! Most of my Tiki stuff sits in a 5 X 10 storage unit 1 town over! Oh well, such is the life!

I keep all the ingredients for a well made Mai Tai (when I can afford 'em), including a couple of my favorite mugs to drink from! I love Campari and soda - and sip it dreaming of living on a canal in Venice, Italy. Otherwise I keep a mid range vodka. I love a chilled shaken Dirty Martini after a "tough" day, or a refreshing vodka tonic with lime on a hot afternoon. I love a hearty Zinfandel with Dinner. An Icy cold Pabst Blue Ribbon or a Schlitz can always be found in my fridge!

Now I took one of those classes yeeeaaars ago...boston bartending school or something, in Springfield, Mass....not in Boston...shoulda known something was up.

A lot of memorization, but alot of "how to prep the bar", how to free pour, hands on with the colored water, etc. Our quizzes were to step up to the bar and rapidly make anything the instructor called out....with the colored water.

Now, once I started working at bars (a few years after the course) I dont think I used any of that knowledge apart from the free pour.

I guess I got lucky in that the bar I hung out at during college was a dive that mostly locals hung at...not many college kids. I hung out there so much they hired me. The owner was pretty cool about just about everything.

For good customers we could "super-size" a drink for $1 to a $1.50 more depending on what it was. This meant mixing your gin & tonic, or Whiskey highball, in a pint glass with proportionally more booze. Rock glass? Highball glass?? F-that. PINT glass baby!!!

When I moved to Memphis, I worked at pool hall dive bar. That was a true "shot & a beer" place. ALmost NEVER mixed a drink there...just opened bottles, pulled drafts & poured shooters.....and occasionally deep fried some chicken fingers.

Now, I've got my own bar in the basement, and I've gotta say, I dont think I use anything that I learned (apart from my deep frying skills....anyone who's had our hot-wings can attest to that).

I dont free pour anything (seeing the difference 1/4 oz vs 1/2 oz of pernod can make, I finally realized you NEED to measure). My prep is non-existant (unless I'm entertaining, & I'll pre-juice a bunch of lemons & limes). And I constantly over-serve myself (& guests). I'm thinking I could NEVER get a job as a working bartender now!! heh heh

But, I gotta say, whenever Pappy is over & he runs the stick for a bit, his mixing skills are excellent!! He's welcome to be my bartender anytime he wants!

Just dont ask him to deviate from a recipe...he's stab you with that pen of his.

Man, this is one of the best threads I have read, for entertainment value! Pappy, sorry you had to be the guinea pig, but this is not something I would have ever done! But I am a better person for having read it, that's for sure!

This seemed as good a place as any to post this...

Wanna know why your drinks suck, and how you're getting scammed at most bars (even beyond what Pappy discovered)...

http://cityguides.msn.com/citylife/article.aspx?cp-documentid=5196463&GT1=10269

On 2006-09-28 09:54, Swanky wrote:
What's funny is that the list of drinks he' sgiving you are never used. Have you ever in your life heard someone order a Rob Roy or a Old Fashioned? That is part of the list of long lost drinks like the Ward Eight, etc. He might as well be teaching you the names of Presidents... It would be more effective to teach a list of the most suggestive and filthy shooter drink names. You know, the "Screaming Orgasm" and the "Rock Hard Erection" and the "Incredible Head." If those aren't actual shooter names, they will be... And they are going to be ordered 100 times more often, not 10,000 times more often than the Rob Roy.

I just had a nice Ward Eight at McCormick & Schmick's... I didn't know that that drink was an invention of Locke-Ober, the veritable Boston establishment. This thread is great, holy shit, I am laughing my balls off.

I finally read all the way through this journalistic feat.

In the voice of Comic Book Guy: "Best... thread... ever!" Thank you for sharing this ordeal with us; it was funny and educational, and confirmed all my reasons for never wanting to order a cocktail outside my home bar.

I'm sure we all go through that moment when we look around a restaurant or bar and try to figure out what it might be safe to order.

Peg, I'm finding that it's increasingly becoming safe to order nothing.

A few weeks ago I went to McCormick and Schmidt here in downtown DC. It is a pretty high class restaurant, with a pretty decent bar.

Instantly I was impressed with their orange squeezer behind the counter(and they used it too). I was even more impressed when their cocktail list was categorized by decade, and each cocktail had a paragraph description underneath it. Then I saw "Trader Vic's Mai Tai", which proceeded to list all the proper ingredients. Delighted, I ordered it, asking the bartender if it was indeed the Trader Vic recipe. She shrugged. Uh oh.

Overall, the drink was prepared correctly, but was suspiciously light in color. I should have paid a little more attention, but I'm almost positive she had reached for the Bacardi "Superior", even when the menu listed Appleton in the recipe. I should have called them on it, but I've never been one to do that, and I still enjoyed the cocktail.

I'm ambivalent as to whether I should go back there.

Go back, and bring a copy of the original recipe, and/or Beachbum's.

I had (what they were calling) a Mai Tai at McCormick & Schmick in Reston VA (suburb west of DC across the river). It was reddish and seemed like a Shirly Temple with a pineapple and cherry garnish containing maybe a whole shot of light rum, maybe. I guess they attended bartending school when they should have taken up mixology.

You know, I have never had a decent Mai Tai outside the Mai Kai, or my house! It's amazing the amount of variation you find in the juices, especially.

I could say the same thing about the first two Mai Tais of the night, but the 3rd, 4th and 5th always taste decent.

:)

On 2007-08-22 12:22, The Mayor Of Exotica wrote:
You know, I have never had a decent Mai Tai outside the Mai Kai, or my house! It's amazing the amount of variation you find in the juices, especially.

Next time you are in South Florida, I will make you a Mai-tai unlike any you have ever had. It will be the Mai-Tai that haunts you until your last liver cell has died and gone to liver heaven.......

(And then Andy will probably throw you in the pool.....)

I have not bar-tended for about 12 years and was thinking of taking a class to re mediate my skills. I am re-thinking it. My five year plan includes trying to open a Tiki bar.

BTW, If you have to much money laying around and want to invest feel free to contact me.

In the meantime I am tired of the traveling and stress my current vocation requires and to prepare myself I will be seeking a part time job bar-tending soon at a laid back establishment that will allow me to do the right thing. I'm a bit long in tooth for the club scene and not exactly interested in the shallow nature of the local native youth, I can't understand the whole wearing the pants so your underwear is showing thing. If I get my own bar going I think I will have a continuous mixology class and I WILL be using fresh squeezed juices. A recent visit to Thatch in Portland made sure of that.

Funny enough My first Martini was for Leona Helmsley, who is finally dead. She fired me three times but was always to drunk to remember it the next day. She only allowed males to serve her and I was her bitch for about two years whenever She visited the Harley Sandcastle on Lido Beach in Sarasota, Fla.. Yes she was as mean and spiteful as they said.

If I do take the class I will post it's results in comparison to Pappy's miss-adventure.

On 2007-08-23 06:40, Bohemiann wrote:
Funny enough My first Martini was for Leona Helmsley, who is finally dead. She fired me three times but was always to drunk to remember it the next day. She only allowed males to serve her and I was her bitch for about two years whenever She visited the Harley Sandcastle on Lido Beach in Sarasota, Fla.. Yes she was as mean and spiteful as they said.

Oh, you mean Cruella Deville. I always thought that Leona (Lena) aspired to wear a Dalmatian pelt coat.

On 2007-08-22 19:28, Chip and Andy wrote:

On 2007-08-22 12:22, The Mayor Of Exotica wrote:
You know, I have never had a decent Mai Tai outside the Mai Kai, or my house! It's amazing the amount of variation you find in the juices, especially.

Next time you are in South Florida, I will make you a Mai-tai unlike any you have ever had. It will be the Mai-Tai that haunts you until your last liver cell has died and gone to liver heaven.......

(And then Andy will probably throw you in the pool.....)

I consider the gauntlet to have officially found rest on the floor. Next time I'm in your corner of the globe, I plan on redeeming it for said cocktail. I will even remove valuables in anticipation of the last threat. And consider it part of the price!

This will get you. We went to Tommy Bahama's for lunch yesterday and I asked the bartender if they had "or-shot". He replied, "No we only have "or-geet". Okay, now on to the next question. "Can you make a Trader Vic Mai Tai?" "Of course," he said. We use lots of pineapple and orange juice. We follow the recipe exactly."

"Which recipe is that?"

"The Trader Vic recipe!" Now he's quite mad.

"And where did you get this recipe?"

"From his recipe guide!"

I started to set him straight, but decided afterwards to get a Mango Tea instead.

I plan on going back with two of my Trader Vic Bartender Guides and ask him to show me the one with pineapple and orange juice. To their credit, they were using the Trader Vic syrups, orgeat and rock candy syrup. I thought about letting him know he was discussing more of a Royal Hawaiian Mai Tai, but hey, he probably doesn't even know what sponge cake is even in the islandfied world of Tommy Bahama. Honestly, the restaurant has the best views of Palm Desert and the Coachella Valley. It isn't all bad.

More and more I find myself saying to bartenders:

"I don't know what you call it, but you take the juice of one lime, ½ oz of orgeat... (if he says, "What's that?" I usually give up there)..., ½ oz of Orange Curaçao, ½ oz of rock candy syrup... (if he says, "We don't have that," it's not a show stopper given a few alternatives)..., 1½ oz of Coruba dark rum (or substitute), 1½ oz of decent Caribbean amber rum (whatever contenders I see behind the bar), shake that up with shaved ice until the ice dissolves, then pour that over the rocks and top it with a shot of aged Jamaican rum (or substitute), toss the lime shell in the glass and garnish with a sprig of mint."

If he says, "Oh, you want a Mai Tai," I'll say something like, "Oh, yeah, that's right. It's the best," and know that there's a ray of hope.

Otherwise, I don't have to argue about what is and what isn't a Mai Tai, or worse, suffer through a miserably failed attempt (at my expense).

Gnomon, Amen. I've about had it arguing with people who want me to tip them.

[ Edited by: telescopes 2007-08-27 17:18 ]

Actually, you just gave me an idea. What if we all agree to stop ordering Mai Tais and instead agree to order TV's. When the bartender says, "What the Hell is that, we reply as follows:

On 2007-08-27 13:59, The Gnomon wrote:

"I don't know what you call it, but you take the juice of one lime, ½ oz of orgeat... (if he says, "What's that?" I usually give up there)..., ½ oz of Orange Curaçao, ½ oz of rock candy syrup... (if he says, "We don't have that," it's not a show stopper given a few alternatives)..., 1½ oz of Coruba dark rum (or substitute), 1½ oz of decent Caribbean amber rum (whatever contenders I see behind the bar), shake that up with shaved ice until the ice dissolves, then pour that over the rocks and top it with a shot of aged Jamaican rum (or substitute), toss the lime shell in the glass and garnish with a sprig of mint."

If he says, "Oh, you want a Mai Tai," I'll say something like, "Oh, yeah, that's right. It's the best," and know that there's a ray of hope.

Otherwise, I don't have to argue about what is and what isn't a Mai Tai, or worse, suffer through a miserably failed attempt (at my expense).

At which point, we get the drinks we went and perhaps we educate the world on a new drink recipe without the biases of the Mai Tai - ya, sure, I can make a Mai Tai, crowd.

Ah, They'd screw that up to. I think Gnomon has it right to begin with.

I like the direction Gnomon is pointing...

You should try it. Most of the time the bartenders keep coming back to ask you to run that by them again. They want to take a stab at it because (I presume) you're talking about a drink with 4 oz of three kinds of rum, none of which is rail. Chi'ching!