How Not To Make a Mint Julep

Check out this hilarious, yet depressing, clip from DrinksTV in which Miami nightclub bimbotender, Andrea, explains how to make a Woodford Reserve Mint Julep, which as she helpfully explains, "...is like a Mojito, but with bourbon."

While this isn't specifically about tiki drinks, I think it speaks volumes about the general decay in bartending skills all over the US.

After reading the recipe, I felt like I needed to go brush my teeth to scrub off all the sugar.

That's disgusting. Maybe she will work at T.G.I.Fridays someday.

"Don't forget to add your Sprite."

WHA!?

On 2007-03-25 10:57, Blue Thunder wrote:
That's disgusting. Maybe she will work at T.G.I.Fridays someday.

I think she's Chotchkie's material, but first she'll need to find some room on that skimpy blouse for at least 7 pieces of flair.

As bad as that drink was, it looks like a Trader Vic's Mai Tai in comparison to the mixological nightmare that is Where the F*ck Did I Park My Car. I think the 3 hootchie bartenders cost extra.

On 2007-03-25 08:06, MrBaliHai wrote:
Check out this hilarious, yet depressing,

I think we saw her in the topless bartending course didn't we?

I like that she doesn't even think the drink is very good at the end, she sort of backs off, it must reek somethin' awful.

And that final Limp Mint Sprig doesn't want to go in, she has to jam the thing in against it's will and it immediately dies a miserable death, hanging over the side.

Poor frickin' Mint Sprig.

On 2007-03-25 15:07, Ojaitimo wrote:

I think we saw her in the topless bartending course didn't we?

I'm pretty sure that was the girls in the 2nd clip.

I've seen toilet water that looks better. Just toss in some mint!!!

Oh God, this happens so often, it makes me sick. Almost every chain restaurant murders mojitos, juleps, Mai Tais, etc.

I especially hate it when they do "their take" on drinks and come up with abominations like a Blueberry Mojito.

Wow.

This reminds me of the time at this crappy Adams Morgan DC bar that I ordered a Blue Hawaiian and got Sprite with Blue Curacao in it.

On 2007-03-28 20:55, DJ HawaiianShirt wrote:
Wow.

This reminds me of the time at this crappy Adams Morgan DC bar that I ordered a Blue Hawaiian and got Sprite with Blue Curacao in it.

That sounds like it would crack your teeth. And if DC means Washington DC, the drink probably wasn't cheap.

On 2007-03-29 07:21, DemeraraDrinker wrote:
And if DC means Washington DC, the drink probably wasn't cheap.

Yeah, Washington, but the drink was only about 5 dollars. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't what I wanted either.

You gotta wonder, have people like this even CRACKED OPEN a drink recipe book?!?

I would guess no. When I bartended in college at a new restaurant, we went through 4 days of "training". We never picked up a bottle in the whole 4 days.

I already knew a thing or two, and there was a real, professional bartender in our crew who taught me a lot more. Thank God, cause the training was useless.

I shouldn't be surprised by their Mai Tai recipe, I know, but........

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5384.aspx?r=y&pl=rum

"It's a tropical delight!"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUDDDDDDDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

On 2007-03-29 15:58, Haole'akamai wrote:
I shouldn't be surprised by their Mai Tai recipe, I know, but........

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5384.aspx?r=y&pl=rum

"It's a tropical delight!"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUDDDDDDDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

lol! Look at how big their "splash" of grenadine is!

I say we make a whole thread about making fun of this site.

On 2007-03-29 17:20, DJ HawaiianShirt wrote:
I say we make a whole thread about making fun of this site.

I thought that's what we were doing.

It'd really would be a laugh riot if I didn't know that people actually logged onto that site to get recipes to make.

It's terribly creepy, when I think about it. :(

oh well, I just won't think that hard.....

Yeah, let's find other drinks to make fun of...

Here is one. The Mint Julep.

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5439.aspx?r=y&pl=whiskey

This one isn't terrible, but I love how they pour 1/2 oz of water in by almost emptying the measuring cup. And the 3 oz of bourbon is a pretty short pour. There is more water than bourbon in the video version.

After watching the Mai Tai video I just don't think this is fun any more. :(

aw crap.... I think i found a drink I might like:

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5552.aspx?r=y&pl=main

Thanks for scouring DrinksTV with me, guys! I've always been a huge fan of TC, but I finally found a reason to join and post - what a great site this is. I plan on trying to contribute more in the future, keep an eye out for me!

Jeffrey Morgenthaler

On 2007-03-31 02:42, morgenthaler wrote:
Thanks for scouring DrinksTV with me, guys! I've always been a huge fan of TC, but I finally found a reason to join and post - what a great site this is. I plan on trying to contribute more in the future, keep an eye out for me!

Jeffrey Morgenthaler

Welcome, Jeff! Feel free to pop into the Introductions thread and...introduce yourself.

P.S. All new members are required to post photos of hot tiki-mug buttcrack for Brittanie's edification.

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5523.aspx?r=y&pl=main

Should someone tell him he's using the wrong end of the muddler?

...oh, the humanity...

Looks like he's using the correct end to me.

Read the last paragraph of the first post...
http://groups.msn.com/DrinkBoy/equipment.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=5631&LastModified=4675552393527374104

He's from France . . . I think it's a law or something over there.

On 2007-04-20 06:41, GentleHangman wrote:
He's from France . . . I think it's a law or something over there.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

OK, here is a new one to talk about/make fun of. An Asian Sensation:

http://www.drinkstv.com/recipe5513.aspx?r=y&pl=main

He puts 1/4 oz of 11 different boozes, 5 of which are schnapps sweet, and 6 of which are semi-sweet flavored vodkas and rums. Throw in more sweet: cranberry, sour mix, and then OJ. What, no sugar rimmer? Then crack your teeth when you drink it wishing you had put 2 oz of lime juice in it. "I can definitely detect the watermelon schnapps percolating with the other 13 flavors...".

Also note most of the Stoli raspberry goes into the bar mat.

Read the last paragraph of the first post...
http://groups.msn.com/DrinkBoy/equipment.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=5631&LastModified=4675552393527374104

According to the above . . . I've been using my muddler ( of solid mahogany, Circa 1923) completely the wrong way for 39 years! The 'working end' of my muddler is actually concave so I always used it the other way . . . seemed to work much better that way (especially when mashing mint leaves for a Mojito) . . . it's the way my father taught me and since I'm not a professional bartender/mixologist . . . who cares?

Is there a fine or something for using a muddler upside down?

On 2007-04-20 06:33, Scottes wrote:
Looks like he's using the correct end to me.

okay, being new to mixology, I'll take that one. But he shakes with an old fashion - pretty sure that's not a great idea....

Mojito:
Check out the amount of Roses lime juice, and it's the gayest muddle I've ever seen.

This website also has some other stupid vids.

http://watchmojo.com/lifestyle/drinks/023_mojito.php

Rose's Lime in a Mojito!?!?! :evil: :evil: :evil:

Oh my God, that one is funny. And he uses 1 oz of rum with 5-6 oz of soda. Yuck.

But he shakes with an old fashion - pretty sure that's not a great idea....

I actually had to watch most of it to see what you're talking about. And Omigosh, what a maroon!

On 2007-04-20 10:19, GentleHangman wrote:
The 'working end' of my muddler is actually concave...

...

Is there a fine or something for using a muddler upside down?

Concave?

I have to admit that I'd instinctively use it your way, given that design.

So I'd say that the manufacturer should be fined. :)

On 2007-03-25 13:30, MrBaliHai wrote:
As bad as that drink was, it looks like a Trader Vic's Mai Tai in comparison to the mixological nightmare that is Where the F*ck Did I Park My Car. I think the 3 hootchie bartenders cost extra.

Gheesh, that "Where the F*ck Did I Paaaaack M' Caaaaa" hands down has to be one of the worst drinks ever. I mean, look at the list of ingredients:
stoli raspberry
malibu rum
malibu pineapple rum
pucker strawberry
peach schnapps
banana 99
razzmatazz
splash cranberry
splash orange
splash pineapple

And they look so smugly proud as they show off this drink, as if they are the shizznit of Manhattan - especially by topping it off with that line "Definitely get you laid by the end of the night". Awwwwwwwwww, snap! Oh no girl, you did-unt!

Uh, yeah, they forgot the line "That'll be $25 bucks. Without reacharound."

On 2007-04-20 11:49, Mai Tai wrote:
"Definitely get you laid by the end of the night".

"Definitely get you date-raped after you pass out", maybe.

Jesus Christ! Shoot me now!

Unga, thank the tiki gods you are back here, I don't know what I would do without you. :drink: :drink: :drink:

On 2007-04-20 10:44, Unga Bunga wrote:

http://watchmojo.com/lifestyle/drinks/023_mojito.php

Did he actually use two straws instead of a muddler? aaa-hhhmmmm!!

That TV Drinks website keeps crashing my web browser. Which is probably a favor to me. But I would like to see how they mis-use the muddler, and I'd like to see their version of a Mai Tai just for shits and giggles. Oh well. But I did see that other guy use the two straws as a muddler - lame!

Ech, that "Where the f*ck did I park my car" looks truly awful.

Oh, so this guy swaggers into FI last night, touting this drink that he says is going to be OUR (next) signature drink. What he lays on me:

It's called a Blue Monkey and here's what you're going to do:
take a tall glass and fill it half way with ice
put in one part 151
the one part banana liquor
then a 1/2 blue caracao
then a little bit of lime juice
and then fill the rest of the way with soda.

and then I was like, "Hey, didn't I see you on DrinksTV?!"

On 2007-04-22 10:47, Haole'akamai wrote:
Oh, so this guy swaggers into FI last night, touting this drink that he says is going to be OUR (next) signature drink. What he lays on me:

It's called a Blue Monkey and here's what you're going to do:
take a tall glass and fill it half way with ice
put in one part 151
the one part banana liquor
then a 1/2 blue caracao
then a little bit of lime juice
and then fill the rest of the way with soda.

and then I was like, "Hey, didn't I see you on DrinksTV?!"

I may regret asking this, but what about the above drink is so bad? I mean, clearly it's not incredible, but it's no Mojito with Sprite...

On 2007-04-22 16:53, DJ HawaiianShirt wrote:

I may regret asking this, but what about the above drink is so bad? I mean, clearly it's not incredible, but it's no Mojito with Sprite...

As for the drink, once made, it tasted horrible. The flavors were thin and not well balanced. One really would have to choke it down, even if you were already drunk.

I have to say my biggest beef with this guy was his swagger - I mean, please, you walk into FI and announce you're going to bestow upon the establishment its next big thing, you better come up with something isn't a mundane cocktail requiring half it's ingredient list be liquors that are made with HFCs.

On 2007-04-22 10:47, Haole'akamai wrote:
and then I was like, "Hey, didn't I see you on DrinksTV?!"

ROFLMAO!!

I don't have a video, and I simply couldn't bring myself to try the drink, but check out the Mai Tai I once found at a completely over-priced, over-rated Milwaukee place called Monsoon.

All there other drinks were equally as crappy. All the "Martinis" are served in cocktail glasses with dry ice in the bottom. :roll:

On 2007-04-23 11:14, finkdaddy wrote:
I don't have a video, and I simply couldn't bring myself to try the drink, but check out the Mai Tai I once found at a completely over-priced, over-rated Milwaukee place called Monsoon.

All there other drinks were equally as crappy. All the "Martinis" are served in cocktail glasses with dry ice in the bottom. :roll:

I rail against stuff like this. It feels like a losing battle, cause there is this kind of classic drink perversity all over the place. The restaurant can't just find out how the drink is supposed to be made, then improve on it by using the best ingredients, staying with the original recipe, and maybe making a slight tweak or two. No, they have to do THEIR version of the ____________, which is always a simplification (can't have the bartenders cutting fruit!?!?!) and usually a sugary mess. Like the Blueberry Mojito. Or the Southern Comfort Hurricane. I lose my mind in those places.

One of the most common crap drinks is their

Original/Special/Made From Scratch/Tonight Only/I Climbed A Tree To Get The Ingredients For This/I Flew To A Secluded Island In The Caribbean To Get This Authentic Recipe From An Old Island Villager/We Risked Jail To Get This Recipe Out Of Cuba (or whatever else the menu proclaims)

Rum Punch or Planters Punch

which almost ALWAYS is just

Some combination of white and/or spiced and/or flavored rum (just Bacardi white if you're lucky)
Orange Juice
Pineapple Juice (please not from the gun)
Grenadine (1 oz to 4 oz)
Squeeze of lime (possibly sat out all day in the garnish tray so it is unsqueezable)
Serve in a pint glass

Then, every once in awhile (like that one golf shot you hit that keeps you coming back to the course), you meet a bartender who really wants to learn something new. This happened a few days ago when I ordered a Sidecar. Once we got past "But I don't have lemon juice...","You can just squeeze a lemon", he made it, it was good, and he said he would keep it in mind from now on.

And there are still good places to go, but you have to look. I was at a place that is 100 years old. I ordered an Old Fashioned. The guy topped it with a little club soda out of a BOTTLE. I said, "You probably don't have a gun here." He said, "That's right. Never have." That was kind of cool.

On 2007-04-23 11:45, DemeraraDrinker wrote:
"But I don't have lemon juice...",
"You can just squeeze a lemon",

Priceless!