Heartwarming vintage catch phrases

On the otherhand there are countless old phrases that mom or grandpa used to utter that warm the cockles everytime you hear one.
For instance, "I tried on that dress but it made me look like the south end of a cow heading north." Or, "Your uncle Stewart is as dumb as a box of rocks." Or, "We'er late, better get the wiggle on." Or...

My granddad always said, "If you fool with me I'll jump down your throat and kick your pants off."

I worked with a guy from Oklahoma who had countless gems:
"slicker than deer guts on a doorknob"
"rode hard and put away wet"
"she looks like five miles of bad road"

"Isn't that brighter than a diamond in a goat's ass."

My father, on addressing an unpleasant task in a timely manner.

"If you have to eat a box of frogs, eat them right now, and eat the biggest one first."

Mahalo,
Al

My grandmother, watching someone consume a very large meal:

"where's she gonna put that--in her hollow leg?"

My dad's version was more like "she must have a hollow leg!"

I also love the vintage phrase "on the QT," meaning confidential.

I've always liked...
"I feel like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs,"

My grandfather, after eating a big meal: "I am sufficiently sufoncified. Any more would be superfluous".

Yeah, my family's different.

I love using old timey sounding phrases, my favourite being 'Sweet Fancy Moses!'. Also, Newfoundland phrases are great for making Americans laugh because they've never heard them: e.g. 'Lord Tunderin' Jaysus!' or 'Holy Snarpin' Arseholes, Ducky!'

Mom responded to adolescent stupidity with phrases like, "Well for cryin' in a bucket!" or "Good Lord a Gertie!" Teenagers who went "galavanting" around 'til 3 a.m. had the area around their beds vacuumed at sunrise.

Ah, my Grandpa has a million gems.

"That beats a hen a-peckin' with a wooden bill."

"Colder than a Montana well bucket."

I'll think of more as I wake up.

[ Edited by: martiki6 on 2003-06-25 10:36 ]

As a child, I used to love to hear my dear, sweet grammie say, upon seeing someone scurring about, "why he's moving faster than a Blood in Crip territory!"

Here's a good one learned from my dad:

"Jesus H. Christ the Bootmaker!"

I have no idea what that means really.

My grandfather used to say:

"It rained at least an inch last night, my pecker drowned when I was walking through it!"

or

"It will make a rabbit slap a bulldog"

or

"I was madder than a bull with a rose bush shoved up his ass"

God I loved that man! He sure Had a way with words, kinda like the time I tore up his lawnmower. He told me

"You would have rather reach into a frogs ass and pull out the prince than fuck with my lawnmower again!"

Excuse me while I wipe my tears.

[ Edited by: KokomoTikiBar&Grill on 2003-06-25 10:47 ]

My old-man had some good ones:

"God-damned, Son-of-a-bitch!" applies to almost any unpleasant situation (no matter how trivial)

"Dumb as dog-dirt!"

"She's built like a brick shit-house!"

"Get off my back Jack, my pack is slack!"

and of course:

"Say Honest to God, I believe ya!

My Southern grandmother would say:
"You don't have enough sense to stuff an olive" or "He was drunker than Cudder Brown"

My Samoan Grandmother would say:
"sasa lou gutu" - "I'm gonna slap your mouth" & "Fea' i" - "Are you hungry?"

Ahhhhh.... Good times...

My grandmother, unfortunately, was none too bright. One thing she'd say, when trying to describe two equal things, was that it was "six and a half dozens of one or the other".

This will show my age but I think it's "six of one, half dozen of the other".

My Dad, who grew up in Iowa ("I Owe Weigh"), used to have quite a few. "I reckon","mighty fine groceries!","by golly", and many more I can't recall.

Hey jab,
Did you know that Long Beach was considered Iowa by the sea. I guess that a large population of Iowaians migrated here back in the day.

Ahhh .... the good ol days.

Here's a few more I remember my dad saying:

(about a bad smell)
"That could knock a buzzard off a shitwagon!"

(when it was cold out)
"It's colder than a witches' tit!"

(PG version for when we were little)
"It's colder than a witches' refrigerator!"

My mother still uses 'terlet' for 'toilet', and she's still pretty prone to exclaiming, 'JAY-SUS H. KEE-RIGHST" when things don't go her way.

Yes indeedy-doodley!

It seems we tend to fall back on these homilies during times of stress. I was floundering my way thru a particularly tight, nasty, tortuous cave passage, and found myself uttering:

"Hells bells - fck a duck - gawd almighty - sht on a stick!"

Which one of my relations did those epithets come from? It could only be Aunt Ramona, bleach-blonde, honkey tonk angel extraordinaire. She was a real scrapper, married to a biker named Hank. She used to make him don plastic gloves and touch up her dark roots with peroxide. If that wasn't bad enough, when Dad found out about it he started calling him Monsieur Hanky Panky.

My dad's favorite - "Go to hell Miss Murphy!" I don't know who Miss Murphy was but I've always liked that one.

My mom has said "Bummerama, Batman" for as long as I can remember. My grandmother would loudly exclaim "GOOD NIGHT NURSE!" at least once every time I visited her.

Humuhumu reminded me that my grandmother used to exclaim "Good night shirt!"

Some family oddities...Dad uses the phrase "gluck gluck" to describe any food dish he doesn't know the name of ("Dinner's ready, mom's made some chicken gluck gluck."). Not so odd but I like it: He also says "pert near" ("There's pert near 20 of 'em."). Mom's family says "kooey bah-chee" when something is dirty or gross. It's mainly used for talking to kids, but also to describe really bad food. No one knows where it came from. They also say "Yuh-hut tay yuh-hut" which means "If we're going to go, let's get going." I'm not sure where they got that one, either.

My grandmother used to call me a "Ragamuffin" when I wasn't dressed too well.

On 2003-06-26 00:58, woofmutt wrote:
Some family oddities...

In a similar vein, a large chunk of my family is from Indiana. Here's a partial Hoosier-English dictionary:

acrost = across
Ah-woy-ah = Hawaii
best movie ever = "Breaking Away"
boosh = bush
feesh = fish
lunch = fried pork tenderloin sandwich
Toro = Atari
Ty-ota = Toyota
warsh = wash

--cindy (California native, thankyouverymuch)

My mother, upon giving someone a bit of information, would invariably add ..."if anyone should drive up and ask you."

I know it's gross but this is one of my favorites from dear ol Grandma, "Well if that don't put the puss on the mirror"

"Finer than a frogs hair split three ways"

Now thats pretty fine.

Trustar

"if it's yellow, it's mellow....if it's brown flush it down."
I swear, I didn't grow up in a trailer park.

I thought it was, if it's yellow LET it mellow!

This was the instruction given to us at cottages with old septic tanks and such, as to not put a strain on the system.

I still say that to people when there is a water shortage or things like that.

But of course, this is starting to lead down the slippery slope to the recitation filthy schoolyard songs, isnt it?

http://www.tikifish.com/schoolyard.html

TikiFish,
What a great website. I can't wait to show the kids.
hahaha

Another tired one: "biological clock." :roll:

On 2003-06-27 04:58, tikifish wrote:
I thought it was, if it's yellow LET it mellow!

Tikifish ... a very popular sentiment here in PC Santa Cruz where water conservation is all the rage. The slogan definitely is: "If it's yellow it's mellow, if it's brown, flush it down."

I just can't get on board. Like that weird guy on Ally McBeal, I like a fresh bowl.

Here are a couple of gems from my Dad:

"Lie down with dogs get up with fleas"

Me: "Got a match?"
Dad: "Yeah, my ass and your face."

My Dad is such a charmer.

All hail the freaky tiki!

[ Edited by: CruzinTiki on 2003-06-28 22:12 ]

I'm particularly fond of:

Shoofy!......for a good thing.

Jinkies!.....as an exclamation.

Bloody Hell!.....also an exclamation.

Meeeow....when a woman is being bitchy.

Fuck the Dog in lieu of screw the pooch. That's a good one - "Well, I really fucked the dog that time!"

My mom used to wonder aloud why everything she looked for was always in the last place she looked. I was a bit literal as a kid, and I would ask how something could be in ANYTHING except the last place you look. I used to pretend to find things and then keep looking and mutter for her benefit, "Well, that was in the third to last place I looked, not bad!"

Non Compos Mentis........woke up and didn't know where I was.

Tits up.........It's over, a defeat. As in - "Well, buddy, looks like you're tits up."

"That guy is so dumb. Before he was born when they was handing out brains, he thought they said pains!"

"That was easier than a woman from Nevada."

Oh! Wait! Two classics from my uncle:

1. A woman once asked me if I smoked after sex. I said "I don't know, I never looked!"

2. He was trying to explain girls to me when I was ten. He said, "Boy, let me tell ya the most important thing about women. The fuckin' you get ain't worth the fuckin' you take. Thas' worth a million bucks, lttle buddy."

Pardon my language.

[ Edited by: Geeky Tiki on 2003-06-29 00:39 ]

When he had to go to the can my Grandfather would say,

"I've got to see a man about a horse."

Just before he closed the door he's add,

"Maybe the whole stable!"

My Grandfather taught my son (3 years old at the time) to say " I have to go shake hands with the Governor" when he had to go potty. I thought that was pretty cute.

My uncle used to say "It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."

My Grandfather has some great ones...
"Balls on a heifer!"
"I hope that Hat came with a rubber Aprom 'cuz it sure is a Pisser!"
My Great Grandfather always calls me "Matchews"(Matthew), as in "Hey Matchews, wanna Wrassle?"
And one of my alltime favs -
"Shit Fire and Save Matches!!!"

[ Edited by: DaneTiki 2009-08-30 19:21 ]

Panic mode : "The man's nuts....grab em'!"
Ok, missing Ben. Kinda bored. :cry:
But I've always that one was slightly funny.
:lol:

Years ago visiting my grandma in a convalescent home, we got in a pleasant conversation with her roommate. After a while, she started to get up, saying "I've gotta go deliver some mail." One of my sisters generously offered to deliver it for her, since we could pass a mailbox on the way out. Only after the smiling roommate silently made her way to the room's little bathroom did we realize what her euphemism meant.

-Randy

Though I fear this will further direct this thread down a nasty little path, my favorite potty euphemism is "Time to drop the kids off at the pool".

And my all time favorite (non-scatological) phrase, "Going to hell on a banana peel".

[ Edited by: purple jade on 2003-07-01 21:32 ]

In referance to an encounter with anyone unusaully unattractive my dad would say,
"Man-O-Day! She's ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road." Or,
"He looks like he got beaten badly about the face with an ugly stick!" Or,
"She looks like she fell outta the Ugly Tree an' hit every branch on the way down!"

Even though we don't exactly see eye t' eye, my old man still manages to crack me up once in a while. heh, heh :)

Lately I've taken to saying "Holy Heck!" I'm not sure where I got that from. Some old favorites are "that's a barn burner" for something really great, and "you can't beat that with a stick" for a good deal. My grandmother used to say "he doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it our of" and my grandfather (and alot of others in NE Penna) call the funeral home "the corpsehouse". As in "so and so died, we've gotta go up the corpsehouse."
My dad says "that was sufficiency, any more would be abundancy" when he declines a second serving of dinner.

My personal favorites that I tend to use at least once or twice a week and will probably be remembered by my grandkid(s) and old TC'ers in the future:

"Holy Moly!" (or sometimes "Holy Moly Mama!")"Just my 2 coconuts worth".

i know i didnt learn this from my parents, but i often yell "Christ on a crutch" when im driving...

anyone know the origins of that phrase? or is it an elicia-ism?

elicia-whos-gonna-burn-in-hell-for-taking-the-lord's-name-in-vain

ps: another burning question: why is Jesus's middle name "H." ?

Elicia~
Read much Stephen King? I know I've picked up a few favorites from his earlier books.
Pretty sure he used yours, as well as "Christ on a cracker" and "Jesus in a sidecar".