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One for the Buffetphobes

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As some of you seem to go stiff and begin shivering uncontrollably at the sound of Jimmy "Cheeseburger in Paradise" Buffet and since people seem to really love to hear about the things they hate I thought I'd share this message that was posted in the Drinkboy group and found in my e-mail...

"...There is a whole weird community who wears parrots on their hats, and funky tourist shirts, shorts and sandals, and bring margaritas to his concerts. Just the mention of his name...JIMMY BUFFET and they all start singing and dancing. What a trip, lots of fun, Florida fun in the sun at its best. Listen to the songs, get a cd, and you will be hooked..."

It does sound like a trip...To a horribly festive level of Hell where everyone is sunburned and drunk and knows all the words to all the songs. (By the way, the above post is not typical of the Drinkboy group.)


Sounds like Toronto right now - we have been descended upon by something like a million fresh-faced christian youths in brightly coloured apparel, all walking around downtown, holding hands and singing songs like Kumbaya... they're here to see the Pope.

It's pretty freaky.

I assume that once they are out of the coocoon phase, many go on to become Parrotheads for Christ.

PS. We're placing bets amongst the more heathen of my friends whether or not the Pope will kick the bucket here in Toronto... if the humidity don't kill him, surely the steady diet of Tim Horton's donuts will...

PPS. This post had nothing to do with tiki. My apologies.

If we say we are tolerant of all who appreciate tiki (which I believe we are), then I think we should extend the same courtesy to Christians -- including Catholics -- that we do to the Gay community. Ford posted a review of the Hukilau in which the writer observed politics has no place at a tiki party. I think this holds true for religion and sexual preferences. I'm stepping down from my pulpit now to rejoin the party.


I'm not intolerant of Catholics. I'm just intolerant of people who sing 'Kumbaya'.

Sorry if I offended anyone!

C'mon guys, if we can't be politically incorrect on Tiki Central, where can we? To be un-serious about ANY political/religious and other grouping (including your own) is a major part of fun.
The whole demise of Tiki culture came as a result of fear of not being p.c. If you start tiptoeing around peoples affiliations you end up with generic boredom. I'd love to hear some jokes about Germans!

(This line of argueing unfortunately gets miss-used by reactionary racist rightwingers to justify their causes, but that won't keep me from standing by it)

I'd love to hear some jokes about Germans!

Okay, a German, a homosexual and the Pope go into a Tiki bar...


Patrick McNeal

[ Edited by: Biotron2000 on 2002-07-24 10:31 ]


I thought Germans didn't get jokes.



totally know what you're saying bigbro and I (a) did not find Tikifish's mail REMOTELY offensive and (b) personally deprecate the whole PC overkill thang. BUT -- I guess we are all a bit sensitive in the light of the recent stuff in the "Tiki Resort" thread. Personally, I can't help but think that there's politically incorrect, harhar, and there's PLAIN BAD -- but then that's me putting my own, subjective slant on this and it's easier (if less fun, and generally depressing, I know) to watch one's step on a general basis. At least, one should on a group of this nature - we may all get on by email but we do NOT know each other backwards and I think you have to be a bit wary.

Apologies for this PC, apologetic, woolly liberal, Birkenstock-wearing FUDGE of a mail -- but hopefully you'll get what I mean without too many people getting upset (oh God -- I mean oh non-specific deity or electrical impulse or whatever).

"Two martinis, bitte."

"Dry?""Nein, I said two!"

Now for an Oregon joke.
How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One for the light bulb and two for the environmental impact statement.

I completely understand Bigbro's line of thought, that being we, as a group, shouldn't be overly concerned with being PC.

Unfortunately, topics such as religion, politics and sexual orientation reach deep into the human psyche and to most people are inextricable elements of themselves.

Subsequently, I personally have made the conscience decision to not broach such topics in order to not offend any of my tiki brethren (and sisthren (?)).

Anyway, if anyone knows any Irish-German-English-Serbian-Hungarian-Native American jokes I promiss not to be offended!

(genetically speaking, is it any wonder I enjoy alcohol!)

To a 'Tribe Called Tiki' - Aloha!

[ Edited by: Tiki_Bong on 2002-07-24 13:40 ]

I'm very fond of Christians. They're great as sacrificial offerings... :tiki:

[ Edited by: atomic cocktail on 2002-07-24 19:30 ]

On 2002-07-24 11:05, martiki6 wrote:
I thought Germans didn't get jokes.



Well we all know that the Germans response to the very powerful joke used with devistating effect by the British, was less than successful.
Hitler "My dog has no nose"
Crowd of Hitler Youth "How does he smell?"
Hitler "Awful!"
Thank ye Monty Python.

"I'd vote for Mr Hilter, but I don't know about all these here Boncentration Bamps he goes on about."
Yet more Monty Pyhton.


I loathe the term "politically correct". It's a term that was contrived by conservatives as a way to dismiss attempts by others to show considertaion for minorities, the poor, the environment, et cetera. The notion behind the term "politically correct" is that one is merely doing something because there will be personal (political) gain in doing it. By labeling an action as "politically correct" one can ignore the purpose behind the action. Similarly by prefacing a statement with the tired line "I know it's not politically correct..." one can make any racist, homophobic, sexist, or et ceterist statement one feels like and deny actually having racist (and so on) thoughts or feelings.

Conservatives hang onto their favorite crutch phrase but currently we're in an environment where what is actually "politically correct" is to wave the flag, be suspicious of your dark skinned neighbor, and scream "UNDER GOD!!!" when making a big display of saying the pledge of allegience.

Here ya go BigBro:
(and remember, you asked for them!)

Why are so many Germans born by C-section?
Ever try to get a square head through a round hole?

How do you make a German chocolate cake?
First, you occupy der kitchen.

Why do Germans have huge heads?
Otherwise the mouth would not fit in!

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?
So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

Happiness is a German cook who doesn't.

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?
The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.

The Germans are such a cruel and inhuman race, they have no word for "fluffy."

Vat, er, What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that went 'tick, tick, tick'?
"Ve haff vays to make you tock!"

German Translations

Dog: Barkenpantensniffer
Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher
Dog Catcher's Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen
Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus
Truck Repairman: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
Mechanic's Union: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker
Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper
Hypodermic Needle: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox
Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder
Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
Piano Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
Fathers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
Mothers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-

(served with a smile!)

Trader Pup

visit Traderpup.com

[ Edited by: Traderpup on 2002-07-24 19:16 ]


On 2002-07-24 10:30, Biotron2000 wrote:

I'd love to hear some jokes about Germans!

Okay, a German, a homosexual and the Pope go into a Tiki bar...

I thought the Pope was a Homosexual German!

Patrick McNeal

[ Edited by: Biotron2000 on 2002-07-24 10:31 ]

On 2002-07-24 20:50, Tiki By CC wrote:

On 2002-07-24 10:30, Biotron2000 wrote:

I'd love to hear some jokes about Germans!

Okay, a German, a homosexual and the Pope go into a Tiki bar...

I thought the Pope was a Homosexual German!

Patrick McNeal

[ Edited by: Biotron2000 on 2002-07-24 10:31 ]

No,no,no thats the bear in the woods, people are always confusing the two.

One more time around the block...
I'd appreciate it if those who want to spout a particular political doctrine would do so on an appropriate site. Or do we want to say, "this tiki site is liberals only" or
"anti-corporate only?" To my thinking that is
just elitism and unbridled arrogance and not in the tiki spirit. This tiki hut should never pull the welcome mat out from under those not marching in idelogical lockstep with a particular doctine.

I agree...I have NO tolerance for intolerant people! Into the volcano with all of you! (But only if I get to go first.)

[ Edited by: Atomic Cocktail on 2002-07-25 02:06 ]

[ Edited by: Atomic Cocktail on 2002-07-25 02:08 ]


I agree with mrtikibar and our other Young Republican members (wink). Sort off. We shouldn't yank the mat, but we shouldn't skirt topics that arise naturally during a thread just because the Tiki quotient of said topic is low. I want to hear all coherent opinions, but then I'm a liberal and we tend to be open minded (again, wink).

There are a lot of assumptions made by members of Tiki Central about the membership of Tiki Central. The notion that everyone here is liberal and indie minded is probably the most prevalent (I personally assume everyone is good looking and charming, but then I often come here when I've been drinking). There have been clashes of opinion in the past, when members felt their point of view was being dismissed or made light of. One can get hung up over a certain point, but if the general tone and attitude of the group is considered one can see that, with rare exception, this is an accomidating fun loving bunch of folk who have their arms wide open ready to embrace all who come seeking Tiki, particulalrly those who come seeking and have a full bottle of rum to share. I happen to be a Christian, y'know, a believer in that Jesus fellow. There have been many posts here taking jabs at Christians, often seemingly made with an assumption that if you're into Tiki you probably have a pagan eye view of things. I (to the best of my recollection) have never taken offense at any of these comments because I know you're all going to Hell (see "wink" above). Such comments don't bother me as I know the spirit of the group (I'm also pretty slow to be offended as I'm often drunk).

I don't want anyone to censor themselves for fear their quip or comment is not "appropriate" to this site, with the exception of those whose comments or quips are as clever and insightful as "Faggity faggity fag fag!" Such individuals should abandon the internet entirely and return to posting their thoughts on public restroom walls.

Young republicans! I resemble that remark.
But alas, I don't qualify for the youth movement. Anyway, we pour 'em and ask questions later over here and half the time
we forget what the question was.

Thank you, Mr. Tikibar, I'm with you (wink) But I still love you, Woofmutt.
(Sniff) Isn't this beautiful?

[ Edited by: floratina on 2002-07-25 09:54 ]

Woofmutt, you rule! Nice essay, and ditto to your sentiments (well, except that I'm an agnostic. No really, swear to God!). Why can't we all just get along?

Your fellow charming, good-looking indie liberal*.

*not meant as a slight to any charming, good looking conservatives, or boorish, ugly indie liberals, or... well, you get the point...

Come to think of it, I've personally never read Woofmutt to be offended by anything. Except shoddy bartending. Can we at least all agree that bad bartending is a crime against nature? Not that I believe in Universal Truths or anything, but the bad bartending thing is pretty damn close...


Trader Pup, that's hilarious, thank you! One of my alltime favourite Comedies is Mel Brooks' "The Producers" .....and also Hogan's Heroes, which never ran on German TV off course.


On the issue of tolerance, et. al:

As we have been discussing Shriners, Freemasons, and Fez worship in general here as of late, perhaps it's best to look to our cousins in these organizations for advice:

Both organizations expressly forbid the discussion of politics and religion in their temples and shrines. While Masonry (and by extension Shriners) require that you have faith in a higher power, that faith is up to you and is not discussed.

If the Shriners (who are dedicated to the joy of life, and do party a bit between funraising and social work) can all get together to get loaded without the above mentioned topics coming up, I'll bet we can too.




If we can't discuss religion here, I suppose any mention of tiki gods must now be struck from the record.

Or are we not worried about offending the Hawaiians?

(whoosh whoosh whoosh... sound of pot being stirred)

On 2002-07-24 10:19, bigbrotiki wrote:
If you start tiptoeing around peoples affiliations you end up with generic boredom. I'd love to hear some jokes about Germans!

Hey, if Sven is German and I'm French, does that mean he gets to occupy me?

I've got a joke and who-ever replies with the correct answer, will win a prize!
"2 penguins sitting on an iceberg, 1 jumps off and the other yells radio!!"

So a man walks out of a building and walks across the RR tracks, a train comes and flattens him. All these people standing around and this lady runs up and says
"Just think he used to sell computers"

Man riding in the train looking out the window, the Conductor comes to him and says may I see your ticket and the man says
"I don't need a ticket I'm going to Chicago"

Did you walk to school or bring your lunch?

Did you walk to school or bring your lunch?

Have no brakes
Cannot stop
Mahalo to you

[ Edited by: thebaxdog on 2002-07-28 09:10 ]

So this German couple are going over what to buy with the last bit of there money. After a long talk the husband goes to work. When he comes home he finds his wife with a big smile but no food in the house. After the yelling stops the wife says, I bought something better, a magic mirror I put it on the back of the bedroom door and it really works. Come here and check this out. So in front of the mirror she says mirror mirror on the door make my boobs size 44" BAM
it worked and the husband says I got to try this, so he stand in front of thr mirror and says, Mirror Mirror on the door make my dong touch the floor

And his legs fell off

Does that count as a German joke?
Somebody pleas NUKE a german gay whale for christ I mean that in the nicest way

On 2002-07-28 08:53, bamboo ben wrote:
I've got a joke and who-ever replies with the correct answer, will win a prize!
"2 penguins sitting on an iceberg, 1 jumps off and the other yells radio!!"

My guess is, it really means nothing at all.

...is the best I could come up with.

Okay. I've read every post in this thread and one thought comes to mind....

How much room do you people have to make fun of parrotheads?

Parrotheads have no tikis.

Is that a parrothead joke, Tina? Very minimalistic, but funny in a wry sort of way :)...imagine Austin Powers saying it repeatedly, with the double entendre of Tiki= member, ...and it is jolly hilarious!

Didn't this whole post start out in order to make fun of Jimmy Buffet-listening parrotheads? And then SOMEONE started with this German thing...

Do parrothead jokes actually exist? If not this group should be the prime talent pool for their creation. I'll start one:

A Mai Tai and a Margarita sit on the counter of a Tiki Bar. Sez the Margarita: "So you think you're THE BEST, eh?".....

[ Edited by: bigbrotiki on 2002-07-28 19:13 ]

We have a winner!!! Biotron is the first person in my life who came to the conclusion that it does not make sence!! I've even had people laugh at it!! Fools!! Ok,
Why did the parrot head cross the road?..................

Hay Hey! Baxdog,
Had you thinkin did'nt I!!??? Never judge a book by his cover. Ha ha he he. Another Mai Tai please for my penguine friend still sitting on the ice berg. I think I'm going insane!! Need a vacation!

That's why I love the internet...instant answers. "If it isn't in there, maybe it doesn't exist..."

So what did I win?

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