Writing Critique Needed

I want to slip these into my wedding invitations. Whaddayathink? :lol:

Neither Teresa nor my daughter Jenna know I slipped this in the invitation as they would think it's uncouth. But I'm old and crotchety, I think I can get away with it.
RSVP - I know people don't like to RSVP, they don't want to commit because they think the might get a better offer at the last minute. But the caterer needs a headcount so if you don't RSVP you won't get a meal. You can send back the card that I have been so kind to stamp for you or you can email me at [email protected]
Church Seating - We have invited 200 people and the church seats about 180. I suggest you show up early or wear comfortable standing shoes. Also, the ceremony will be short and sweet. Don't show up 50 minutes late and expect to see me kiss the bride.
Kids - Please leave your children at home so that you and the other guests can enjoy the evening.
Gifts - Teresa and I have each spent the last 30+ year collecting stuff, we don't need another set of Target mixing bowls. Enjoying your company on our special evening is gift enough. However, if you feel you have to, there will be a box provided for any gifts which will fit into an envelope
Thank you,
Mike

I concur!

In a perfect world, Mike, you probably would never have to even ask these things...but I guarantee ALL of these things will happen, especially kids coming...and crying and then acting up with their parent's doing nothing to stop it. I have played at countless weddings, and have seen it time and time again. People filming the actual ceremony, the flowers, the lights, everything perfect...and the kid wailing away in the back ground. It happens.

By warning people up front to conduct themselves in the proper manner...it may result in some people just deciding not to come, and you having a small wedding...if you are cool with that, go for it!

Great idea but it does make it seem that you’re "old an crotchety” Most of us know better!
Wish you and the lucky lady much happiness.
David and CeCe

"I want to slip these into my wedding invitations."

"Neither Teresa nor my daughter Jenna know I slipped this in the invitation as they would think it's uncouth."

Are you thinking of doing this?
Or have you already done it?

:lol: Skip, I haven't done it yet - I'm trying to decide if I can get away with it :)

What the heck? You'll only lose the friends that are uncool and get a standing ovation from the ones you like!

GO FOR THE GOLD!

And if crotchety means not crying while the minister talks about responsibilities, obviously the crotchetier the better!

You have only heard from men so far.
Weddings are of the ladies world.
Men just show up, and try not to f up!

So... you need to ask at least 7 ladies about this.
I think you will get a majority of horrified don't do its.
As for me I too would say don't do it, I agree with you, but it would do more harm than good.

And you are going to start your new life with your new wife with a cloud
of I don't know, not good.

you should be able to share and agree on most things with her, And this is a big one in the
world of the ladies.

Good luck.
And congrats!!!!

Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes.
Skip, weddings are definitely a woman's realm. I suggested that since she got to pick out the wedding dress and the bridesmaids dresses, I should take my groomsmen and pick out our attire. And she wouldn't see them until she walked down the aisle. My son suggested tophat and tails with shorts and flip-flops. My fiancee suggested that it might be a cold and lonely honeymoon if I did :lol:

Whatever you decide, suit up & look your best!
no beach flops!

ATP and I are both troll sociopaths and now sadists to boot, but both of us have been in long term relationships and know the right things to do to keep them that way. ATP makes the most awesome dinners for his honey, and I, Lucas the sociopath just do everything my gal and daughter tell me to do, when they want me to do it, 100% of the time.

When it comes to weddings, women need to call the shots. It is my theory (and also because I am a hardcore supporter of feminism) that women are generally smarter then us dudes, usually make better style decisions...and we as men are just better off listening to them....

no shorts, no flip flops, no "instructions" slipped into the wedding invites. MDM, if she wants you to wear a white tux and sing the theme from MASH at her wedding, just do it!

And thank me later~

I'll throw my 2 cents in.

Edit the gifts section to read, "In lieu of gifts please donate to the charity of your choice" or something like that.

It's a wedding with a set time as is stated on your invitation. If they can't get to the church on time than they're SOL. There is no need to include anything in your note about that.

Instead of leave your children at home you could include something like "Due to limited venue space, Adults only please”. I took that from an etiquette website.

Including your email address in addition to the stamped reply envelope should be good enough. I suppose you could even create an Evite if people don't want to go to the trouble of sending an email or going to a mailbox. http://www.evite.com

Just in case, here are the lyrics for the MASH theme song :lol:

Johnny Mandel – Suicide Is Painless

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

I try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate
But now I know that it's too late, and

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give my seat
For that's the only painless feat

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger watch it grin, but

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied 'Oh, why ask me?'

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

'Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

And you can do the same thing if you please

Lori has some good thoughts, maybe we should let her stick around for a bit :lol:

I was married for 30 years, long enough to know any power a man perceives to have in a marriage is an illusion :D

Yes I will do what I am supposed to do like a good little puppet king of my domain. I was just kidding about the insert :lol:

Great, you got us all riled up....and now you pull the rug out from under us!

You devil!

:)

On 2014-02-18 18:44, MadDogMike wrote:
I was married for 30 years, long enough to know any power a man perceives to have in a marriage is an illusion :D

Yes I will do what I am supposed to do like a good little puppet king of my domain. I was just kidding about the insert :lol:

That sounds more like you Mike, I'm such a sucker for these joke posts.
The first post, the old and crotchety one sounded more like me.

Mike,

I was recently remarried and set some guidelines for our 50 person nuptials so I didn't see anything wrong with most of w3hat you had proposed. But since you were only joking I won't offer my 2 cents.

If you reconsider you can also make yourself a wedding website and include some of these handy "hints" on there. Wedding websites are all the rage these days.

FWIW, I allowed my new husband full power in the choosing his and his men's (our sons) attire and it was lovely! I did go shopping with them so it wasn't a surprise but the decision was entirely his.

Best wishes,
Lori

[ Edited by: LoriLovesTiki 2014-02-19 06:25 ]

Although I agree with all of your content, some of the guidelines might be taken wrong and people do tend to do what they want anyway. Here are some thoughts. Feel free to use my name and address for the donations.

RSVP REQUIRED for catering purposes. Stamped envelope enclosed, or via email at [email protected]

CHURCH SEATING capacity is 180, there is additional standing room in the entrance lobby.

ADULT RECEPTION, there is no child care available.

DONATIONS to our favorite charity "The XXX XXX" are preferred over gifts. Include link here.

Something I wish I had written on all of our invitations:

"NO teddy bear shaped cookie jars will be accepted as wedding presents."

... but then, who'd have thought it was necessary?

Reminds me of the Mad Magazine cartoon in which the newlywed couple throws a wedding gift [an ugly glass container] into the garbage. Months later, an elderly aunt visits and asks them if they found the $1000 cash inside.