Tiki Bar Humor

On 2014-03-17 22:55, Bay Park Buzzy wrote:

On 2014-03-17 21:45, tikicoma wrote:

But WTF lets go to town and see if we can get this topic locked too.

Unfortunately, Lucas whine fests never get shut down... I think the moderators take sadistic pleasure in letting him go on and on through the whole Tiki Oasis season buildup year after year.

If you want to have this thread locked, then I suggest that you work into this conversation that old shithole The Bahooka, or its stupid fish problems again. Those topics are thread shut down magnet!

Buzzy Out!

You already did!

Please, this is supposed to be a humor thread. We all like funny stuff.

Can we move the bickering to Facebook where it expires and goes away? And then look for, and share, some tiki bar humor here?

A Tiki kind of guy walks into a crowded bar with a two and a half foot tiki on his head. As he approaches the bar with all eyes in the place on him, the bartender says "what's with the tiki on your head?" The tiki guy said "I wear a tiki on my head EVERY Wednesday night!" The bartender says "this is Tuesday night." The tiki wearing mans eyes got really big as he looked around the room and said "Tuesday? Oh my god, I must look like a fuckin' idiot!"

How do you open a tea lock?

A tiki walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Ku.""Ku who?"

"I don't think you need any more cocktails. You're making bad tiki knock knock jokes."

A tiki walks into a bar looking depressed. The bartender asks "Why are you sad", the tiki replies "I'm all a-Lono".

HA! they left out mezcal, and tinctures...

A guy walks into a tiki bar and notices a very attractive woman at the bar with a cocktail. When she notices him she starts waving an motioning him to join her.

He walks up to the bar and she says, “Hello.”

He’s rather taken aback because he just can’t remember where he knows her from. So he asks, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Suddenly his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he gathers his courage and nervously blurts out:

“Are you the hula-dancing stripper from the tiki party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with a stick of wet celery?”

She looks into his eyes, squints, and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s kindergarten teacher.”

After a late night with your friends, partying at your home tiki bar, put all your trash into a single black Hefty bag and put it out on the curb looking something like this:

The ultimate PEZ dispenser!

Ok, I'm gonna get totally flamed for this one... But it made me laugh quietly inside when it got emailed to me... I'm so ashamed!

You got a mean streak in ya Ace.
{:>)

Dark humor is healthy in today's world, I am all for it! :D :D :D

Sometimes its a bit of juvenile humor which I re-visit every once in a while... But I'm wearing my flame-proof bark cloth undies and decided to let it rip!

From the great Rodney Dangerfield:
"I went to a bar and asked the bartender to make me a zombie.
He said, 'Looks like God already did!'"

[ Edited by: AceExplorer 2016-03-09 09:29 ]

On 2014-06-18 00:44, Veronica! wrote:

On 2015-08-14 07:50, AceExplorer wrote:

Strange coincidence.

Nice! I hadn't seen yours, Veronica. Dang copy-cat cartoonists...!!!

Apparently my copy-cat cartoonist is smarter -- he only needed 3 simple pictures to get the same idea across. :)

Cheers!

[ Edited by: AceExplorer 2016-03-09 11:27 ]

Atomic Tiki Punk, Thrift Tiki, Lucas Vigor and Veronica walk into a Tiki Bar......

I thought it said Tiki Central Humor!!!

D'oh!!!

On 2016-03-09 11:23, AceExplorer wrote:
Nice! I hadn't seen yours, Veronica. Dang copy-cat cartoonists...!!!

Apparently my copy-cat cartoonist is smarter -- he only needed 3 simple pictures to get the same idea across. :)

And not whole crew and heavy equipment.

I still do not understand but it just never gets old.

A Pirate walks into a bar..... The bartender looks at him and notices a steering wheel on the pirates crotch. The bartender says "Hey do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" "Aye" the Pirate says...."It's drivin me nuts!"

(Sorry its just too hot at 8am..... and I need another cup of coffee) :(

Look at this great deal on Appleton rum -- it just arrived at my local Costco!

So expensive that they only have a PHOTO and not a real bottle on display.

Nevertheless, I'm adding this to my Christmas wish list. This proves once again that I'm not hard to shop for.

On 2016-06-26 07:00, AceExplorer wrote:
Look at this great deal on Appleton rum -- it just arrived at my local Costco!

So expensive that they only have a PHOTO and not a real bottle on display.

Nevertheless, I'm adding this to my Christmas wish list. This proves once again that I'm not hard to shop for.

Thread Derailment: Does you Costco carry other Appleton products? Mine only has Flor de Cana gold and Sailor Jerry or Capt Morgan and maybe Malibu or something artificially flavored. The prices are right, just wish they had stuff I was buying.

On 2016-06-26 10:42, mikehooker wrote:
Thread Derailment: Does you Costco carry other Appleton products? Mine only has Flor de Cana gold and Sailor Jerry or Capt Morgan and maybe Malibu or something artificially flavored. The prices are right, just wish they had stuff I was buying.

Derail, continued... haha!

No Appleton in my Costco either. Not even Flor de Cana. Possibly Sailor Jerry. Definitely a lot of the popular spirits like Crown Royal, Jack Daniels, Tito's & Ketel One Vodka, etc. They do carry a surprisingly decent selection of whiskies though --- recently they started carrying Eagle Rare bourbon for $25/bottle --- in addition to Woodford Reserve, Johnny Walker Black, and a few other good things. But for the most part, they stock the popular stuff which sells well, but with some "nuggets" sprinkled in for the more discriminating drinker.

I'm a fan of the Woodford and the Eagle Rare with the latter being incredibly good for the under $30 price point. It's not about the price with some of these higher-end spirits. There are some great spirits priced unbelievably low.

A Moai walks into a Tiki bar, sits down and orders an umbrella drink.

The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

Our own Sven...

...found and copied here from another thread elsewhere in TC.

What do you call a very short psychic tiki bartender who escapes from a tiki prison?

Wait for it...

Wait some more...

---> a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE.

Groaning has been proven to be very good for you. It makes you mix and drink cocktails to forget bad crap like this joke. You're welcome!

I was searching for a specific cocktail book online and came across this book.

When was the last time YOU were Tai'd up? :drink:

Edited to correct a sobriety-induced error in the text. Doh!

[ Edited by: AceExplorer 2016-09-15 13:38 ]

On 2016-09-15 09:27, AceExplorer wrote:

I think it should say bikinis expose about 90%of a woman's body.

On 2016-09-15 12:51, Heath wrote:
I think it should say bikinis expose about 90%of a woman's body.

Ooops, you're right... I composed that on the fly, and I was sober, so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

I'll re-do that and replace the bad image with the good image. Thanks for calling that out. How embarrassing! But at least I can blame it all on my terribly sober condition. :)

Dear Tiki Central friends, I'm passing this on because it worked for me. A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during the approaching hectic holidays, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Appleton's, a bottle of Pusser's, a bodle of Lemyn Hart, a butle of Cruzan wum, tha mainder of Valium perscriptin, an a jar uv Luksardo cherreez. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Chair this wid all ur frenz who need inner piss too. An telum u luvum.

Thanks so much for that post Ace. Humor is what's keeping me going today.

A specialized Polynesian outrigger jumper cable (made from hard-to-find highly conductive jungle vines) walks into a tiki bar.

The bartender turns and sez, "I'll serve ya, but don't start anything!"

This dumb joke was poorly tiki-fied by AceExplorer. Laugh, dang you! :) Go ahead, admit it, you desperately needed some humor today no matter how cheesy or bad it is.

[ Edited by: AceExplorer 2017-08-10 13:19 ]

I settled on this thread to post this photo... Go with me on this for a minute...

Thanks to Universal's Harry Potter-themed attractions, kids get to enjoy real "butterbeer" from the books and movies. Below is a hilarious (disturbing?) photo, courtesy of Comcast/Universal, of kids enjoying their "beers" in realistic mugs. Shoot me a private message if, many years from now, you read this and you attribute discovering drinking adult beverages to the Harry Potter stories and movies and visits to the theme parks when you were a kid.