Best pick up lines (VULGAR, READ AT OWN RISK)

As the bartender "pops" open the beer you ordered, you whisper in the babes ear next to you and say, "that's my second favorite sound!" To which she replies, "Ohh, what's the first?" Your response would then be, "the sound of a woman in ecstasy!"

Hey, it worked for me. Past tense of course.

[Edited by Hanford to add the warning to the subject]

[ Edited by: hanford_lemoore on 2003-06-19 16:54 ]

"So...you f**k?"

em.

I would like to tickle your belly button baby...FROM THE INSIDE!

Not the best, not unique, but ones I've REALLY heard used in my old nightclub dj'ing days~

From a male:
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

From a female:
I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.

"Kiss it, I'm the President" - William Jefferson Clinton

It's embarrassing to admit, but the pickup line "I have a really big cock" actually worked on me recently. In my defense, the guy was incredibly attractive, and at least a little silly.

And he wasn't kidding.

On 2003-06-19 13:40, Humuhumu wrote:
"I have a really big cock"

I guess "I have a really big cunt" doesn't have the same effect on men...

Bong: The word you're searching for is "tight".

On 2003-06-19 14:26, Kailuageoff wrote:
Bong: The word you're searching for is "tight".

Ahh, no. You see it was a play on the aforementioned statement "I have a big cock", 'big' being the key word in the whole (hole - ha ha) set up.

So what I thought I'd do, is use the word - big - but flip it around from the standpoint of a woman, any woman, saying it to a man.

You see, I'm sure most people, especially men, probably understand that a 'big' cunt, wouldn't be a desireable condition. Hence, if a woman said "I have a big cunt", that would more than likely not be a big hose getter.

"Have you ever made it with an aardvark? We're really rare, ya know"

from Fritz the Cat

Shipwreckdawg!

I used to love to see the Fritz the Cat movies at the Drive-Ins (kids, we'll tell you about those later).

Heavy Traffic was a favorite! Man, those were the days, cruising in my VW van with a fattie and a bottle of Annie Green Springs vino!

Peace, love, dope and Bobby Sherman!

We've probably clogged the spam filters for the poor folks who get their TC over email. Sorry!

Oh you nawty boys and girls, let's hear 'em all. Come on lurkers.

"Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?"

Seein's how I'm female, I try to communicate pickup lines telepathically so as not to appear unseemly.

When I first met my current main squeeze, I remember he was telling me about how he likes to go caving. And I'm thinking to myself, "Sure Honey, I've got a cave you can explore."

When I was telling him how I like to go thrifting and collect tikis, he was probably thinking, "Yeah Baby, I've got a tiki for you."

take out a 10p hand it to the girl and say..
"Here's 10p, go phone your mum and tell her you won't be home tonite"."Is your dad a thief? coz it looks like he stole the stars and put them in your eyes"

Or the chat-up line for those that get turned down often..

Guy: You look great in that dress.
Girl:What, go away.
Guy:Sorry you must have missheard me i said you look like a fat pig in that dress.

And a friend swears by this chat-up line..

Take a piece of ice out of your drink, drop it to the floor and smash it then say..
"Well thats the ice broken, how about a fuck!"

This is one Mig tried on me a while ago... veeeery Silicon Valley.... (and I apologize that it's so clean)...

Guy (or gal) whips out a cel phone or a pda and says, "Gee, I just bought this, and I'm still learning how it works - would you mind trying it out by entering your phone number?"

Not that I ever tried it, but....

"What color can I order for your Mercedes?" Unknow where I heard it before.

If you were any cuter I'd have to put you on styrofoam and mount you.

"So, I hear you give good head!"

or my favorite...

"How much for a blowjob?"

On 2003-06-20 15:53, KokomoTikiBar&Grill wrote:
"How much for a blowjob?"

If I had a fiver for every time I've heard that one...

Any guy who says that right off the bat is a drunken fool who will surely get a "Talk to the hand" or a fist sandwich, or "blow" to the "head"

[ Edited by: jungletrader on 2003-06-20 18:31 ]

Ask a girl "have you ever had the alphabet"?

Best line I should have used but was suprised worked after the fact:

"I would love to just eat you out."

Why couldn't I have been that crude?

Well, it only works about 1% of the time...

My best lines:
Wanna come over for a while?
From her on the booty call:
Want some company?
"Well yeah."

What do you call 12 rabbits jumping in a straight line backwards?

So, what's a girl like you doing alone in a place like this?

The best line that anyone has ever tried with me:

You must be wearing space underwear ...
... because your ass is out of this world.

"A friend of mine said you could lick my balls...well can you?

I"m fond of:
"nice shoes ... wanna f*ck?"

although this line (cribbed from "cruel intentions," as uttered by sarah michelle gellar), seems to get quite a reaction from the menfolk, or so I hear...
"I'll let you stick it anywhere you want."

"Grab your coat, you've pulled" has been doing the rounds now in the UK for a while now.

"Suck my cock, it's fowl" is one from Sid the Sexist, as is; "Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight".

Not the best, but it's been a few years.....

Trader Woody

"As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit!"

So many slaps, so little time.

This one was tried on me in Cannes:

"Life is too short not to swim naked with me at midnight!"

Also:

"You're married? It's OK, you can get divorced."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make you my girlfriend or anything. I just wanna F**K!

For the life of me I don't understand why this one didn't work.

[ Edited by: suicide_sam on 2003-06-25 11:58 ]

Pre-mature Ejaculation Pick Up Line:

I would like to rare back and hit you about 5 or 6 times....between your legs baby!

[ Edited by: KokomoTikiBar&Grill on 2003-06-25 13:29 ]

I don't even get that one... it's just nasty!

One fellow came up to me and my friend once and said:
"Are you guys twins?"
No, we replied.
"Oh. Are you Swedish?"

Apparently someone forgot to tell this guy that when using pick up lines, you're supposed to tell the ladies what THEY want to hear, not what YOU want to hear, ahah!

You're exactly right Tikifish.

Do you believe in love at first sight or shall I walk by again?

By golly CruzinTiki, that would be a woman's pickup line wouldn't it?
Women can be less subtle then men and more direct, for instance "You're coming home with me tonight" although some of the lines I've heard here are not the least bit subtle. Play it cool guys, I've seen science shows that state in most cases the more skin a woman is showing, the more likely she is ovulating, which then means better luck for the male. That doesn't apply to women on the beach, guys. We're talkin' nightclubs. Get real. Ultimately it's the woman who chooses, and guys if you can make her laugh, chances are you're half way there. Divide and conquer!

My ex Glenn was extremely tall, and he once told me a punk chick sidled drunkenly up to him in a bar and stated:

"You're such a cute tall tree, I'd sure love to climb you tonight!!!"

Ha!...Tree! I get it.

On 2003-07-03 18:25, tikivixen wrote:
My ex Glenn was extremely tall, and he once told me a punk chick sidled drunkenly up to him in a bar and stated:
"You're such a cute tall tree, I'd sure love to climb you tonight!!!"

Ahhh.. geeez... I get that like every day, especially from like, octagenarians and crack whores.

Anyway, a gal once came up to me and said something to the effect of:

"My husband was complaining that I am not putting out enough, so I thought I'd come down here [a bar] and try to correct that".

After cleaning up the Mai Tai that spurted out of my nose, I told her to call me after her divorce was final.

[ Edited by: tikibars on 2003-07-06 19:41 ]

"I've always wanted to lick a woman from head to toe but I always seem to get stuck halfway-can I try it on you?"

Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said "come."

Beavis

I overheard some women talking about the stupidest lines, and one was, "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"

If you guys out there try these and they work you'll have me to thank ...

I love every bone in your body - especially mine

You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across ...

Found on internet;

Math Tutor pick up line:
Can I be your math tutor for the night? We can add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and multiply.

My name is unga Bunga. You might want to remember that because you’ll be screaming it out all night.

"may I please taste your pancreas?