Your Christmas Hates, Rants, & Weirdness

Here's a thread for Christmas rants and hates and general bitching. And what the heck...Christmas weridness, too.

Why this thread? Why now? My reasons are my own.

How it works: If there are things you hate about Christmas or you see something that's Christmas based and it's horrible and annoying or you're just a plain outright hater of Christmas you can come to this thread and rant away. Or maybe just post some weird Christmas stuff. Like a giant furry orca music conductor as part of a Christmas display.

Something that really gets my candy cane print flannel boxers in a bunch: New words to classic Christmas tunes in ads or hilarious holiday reviews.

The ads are just full on wrong. If you want to sell me on your amazing one stop shopping aspects write your own damned song, don't rape a public domain one that we all know well.

The idea of a Christmas tune refit with hee-larry-ass timely political lyrics or rewritten to cleverly go on about how Christmas is actually a big pain in the ass is completely tired and worn out. If anyone suggests it to you for your Big Holiday Showstravaganza they should have the nearest heavy object thrown at them with extreme prejudice. Then kick them out of the chorus.

There of course has to be an exception for National Public Radio as they would lose most of their humorous holiday content should they not be allowed to make smug wink-wink Christmas song parodies. This could lead to a loss of pledges which would mean NPR peoples would have to go and get actual jobs.

this clown thinks it's Christmas all year!

On 2009-12-15 14:48, little lost tiki wrote:

I think he oughta be, though. Frequently.

I hate it when my favorite thrift stores take up precious floor room space and drag out all that Xmas crap they've received all year. And I'm talking about all that MODERN crap, with not a stitch of cool VINTAGE xmas crap.

i hate it when other Holidays try to horn-in on Christmas....
jumping on the bandwagon and leeching off of the hype and dollars of Christmas....
either celebrate Christmas during Christmas
or just go pound sand until YOUR special Holiday happens....

That and the Pink Panther Christmas Special
where he STARVES the entire show..
jollyholiday?
i think not....

there.... that feels better....

Pound sand?

HATE: Media peoples complaining about how hectic the holidays are.

If it is that taxing on your time and energy then don't friggin do it. If you decide you actually want/feel you must do the holidays then stop the gasping and sighing and eye rolling. It's been done. We all know. Shut up and expand your field of vision: Use your hot air powered blah-blah time to mention somethin nice. Or...And here's a real stretch radio DJs...Talk about someone other than yourselves.

Please...please...please stop sending me emails that offer Xmas specials:

fabulous deals on all table lamps
no shipping charges on purchases over $100
20 to 30% off selected items
everything with an orange sticker half off
all ornaments 15% off
1 day only-Xmas extravaganza-click here
buy 2 get the third free
12th day of Xmas special
last chance to save on electronics
great deals on all cruises for the holidays
order now for delivery by Xmas
etc.
etc.
etc.

Having to open all these emails and search the links is pushing me closer and closer to bilateral carpal tunnel.

If I had his job..I'd drink too!!

MAKES A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT!

I assume the thought behind this line is "We have a product to sell...It's Christmastime...Consumers may not realize that our product could be given as a gift for Christmas so we should make the connection for them."

Some other marketing lines that should be considered:

Ideal for scrambled eggs! (Eggs.)

Perfect for sandwiches! (Bologna.)

Makes a great flotation device in the event of a water landing! (Airliner seats.)

File this under weirdness. Have you ever noticed that those roadside manger displays are getting more surreal every year? It’s pretty common seeing an exhibit with the characters from Peanuts underneath the star and Snoopy as Jesus, but a few weeks back I saw a traditional and scene the owner of the gas station it was in front of saw it fit to include a large Statue of Liberty behind the 3 wise men. If only I brought my camera.

My ability to hate having atrophied, I do have a few yuletide peeves.

Santas need to find their own helpers. Don't horn in on mine and try to lure them away with Coke.

That doesn't sit well with me and I've been known to rally other Santas to crush such toystore invaders.

Don't worry about me. I'm getting bailed out by Vixen, the ones in the first pic.

frikken spelling

[ Edited by: The Gnomon 2009-12-16 08:06 ]

I HATE the "war on xmas" garbage the extreme right and idiot followers bring up this time of year because people aren't saying "merry xmas" when they leave Malwart anymore - just happy holidays. I HATE that people get trampled in department stores the day after Thanksgiving because they're hoping to save a buck.

Here's an easy one - I HATE that my neighbors are breathing down my neck because I haven't put up any lights! Be careful what you ask for neighbors - I may just through a string of lights on the hedge and leave it at that!

"Something, something, something, Dark Side, something, something."

[ Edited by: beadtiki 2009-12-16 10:08 ]

I really like Disneyland at X-mas time.
but I hate all the people that flock their during the holidays.
yes I know this is a silly rant, as they(D-land) probably loves holidays for this reason.

I guess I am spoiled by living so close and having gone so many times on cold weds. in Nov. and Feb. that when you want to go and enjoy the park at a Holiday time, but with the small crowds.

guess I'm dreaming huh?

Jeff(btd)

I hate how my bar bill triples in size when I spend the holidays with my family(and not drinking with them , mind you).

GROG hate when Santa cum down the chimney. You sick bastard, somebody's gotta clean that up! Then the S.O.B. eat all of GROG' cookies and drink GROG' milk. THOSE WERE A GIFT FROM GROG' NEIGHBORS YOU DAMNED THIEF! Reindoor crap all over the roof, busting out shingles and stuff. That's at least a $500 roof repair every damned year!!

And, no matter how many letters GROG write to Santa, he never bring what GROG want for Christmas!!

#1 thing irking me this holiday season is not Christmas related exactly but its all the "Best (fill in the blank) of the decade","Craziest(fill in the blank)of the decade","Athlete of the Decade", etc nonsense that is everywhere.

Um...the decade is not over until 12/31/2010....ya'll one year early. And what annoys me more is that NO ONE seems to realize this.

IT'S 2009!?!?
GOTTA GO READJUST THAT TIME MACHINE....

On 2009-12-16 12:05, leleliz wrote:
Um...the decade is not over until 12/31/2010....ya'll one year early. And what annoys me more is that NO ONE seems to realize this.

And the world is going to end in 2012 .... time to start doing all the shit you have always wanted to do. hehe at least its my excuse!!

That mofo, Santa, has a sick sense of humor, too.

GROG

[ Edited by: GROG 2009-12-16 12:44 ]

On 2009-12-16 12:04, GROG wrote:
And, no matter how many letters GROG write to Santa, he never bring what GROG want for Christmas!!

That cuz Grog always ax for the wrong kind of woman

Loving the HATE here...it is delightful.

...and another thing...don't let me catch you NITS (Neanderthals In TruckS) with a frikken wreath strapped onto your grill...that just makes me want to start packin my pistol and break out the road rage!!!

i really hate peeps!
they have NO place in the Christmas lexicon....

Vamp - OMG - that's SO funny! I live in a sort-of rural area and EVERY YEAR some honyocks decide to "decorate" their penis-enhancement mobiles! (Not EVERYone who drives a huge truck is small of "stature" - but if you don't NEED a big truck - why get one???)

Yeah and these guys with the BIG trucks all jacked up high with huge tires, swingin' and danglin' their little tiny nut sacks,.........if your truck is that big, you could use a testosterone injection; perhaps the size of basketballs would be more proportionate.

i personally hate every luxury car company that tries to convince us that it is a everyday occurance to buy a loved one a super 'spensive out of reach car. oh and put a big friggin red bow on it too.

Oops! Sorry Talo, GROG buy this for you for Christmas, but since you don't want it, GROG take it back.

Any ad where they show Santa shopping at a particular store because the bargains are so great or Santa finding an item that's so wonderful he orders several thousand of them and then asks if they deliver...Ho-ho-ho!

Ads featuring the surprise Christmas visit...A son, daughter, family, or zombie uncle showing up Christmas Eve or morning are tiresome and go against social norms. Everyone knows that if you go out of your way to spend Thanksgiving with the relatives you're under no obligation to get together with them for Christmas. It's rude of Folger's or Lowe's to suggest otherwise.

And any ad for booze that suggests I should enjoy it responsibly makes me wanna grab a bottle and drink it while roller skating on my roof.

Christmas porn, who is this suppose to appeal to? I don't want to be around the person who it does on Christmas day when we unwrap the presents under the tree, one yule log is plenty.

There is NO "War on Christmas" going on.

Anywhere.

Period.

I say Happy Holidays because there are at least 12 different celebration possibilities** this time of year and I want to cast as wide a net as I can to be inclusive and hopefully get invited to the better parties.

** Hanukah
Christmas
Festivus
Winter Solstice
Boxing Day
New Years
12th Night
St Nicolas Day
National Brownie Day (past already, it was Dec 8th)
Wear a Plunger On Your Head Day (also past, it was Dec 18th)
Kwanza
The Bowling Ball's Birthday (this one should be much higher up the list of reasons to party this time of year!)

And those are just the 'usual' days to celebrate. There are many more alternative events this time of year so if I didn't mention your specific day let me know when the party is and I'll bring rum and limes.

On 2009-12-18 04:56, woofmutt wrote:
Any ad where they show Santa shopping at a particular store because the bargains are so great or Santa finding an item that's so wonderful he orders several thousand of them and then asks if they deliver...Ho-ho-ho!

Ads featuring the surprise Christmas visit...A son, daughter, family, or zombie uncle showing up Christmas Eve or morning are tiresome and go against social norms. Everyone knows that if you go out of your way to spend Thanksgiving with the relatives you're under no obligation to get together with them for Christmas. It's rude of Folger's or Lowe's to suggest otherwise.

And any ad for booze that suggests I should enjoy it responsibly makes me wanna grab a bottle and drink it while roller skating on my roof.

I want to see Woofy irresponsibly drunk and skating on his roof!

I want to strangle that daughter in the commercial where she and mom are yapping it up on their laptops and mom goes out on the deck and there's the daughter "Surprise" - she looks and sounds like mom's gonna kick her ass for showing up uninvited!

"Something, something, something, Dark Side, something, something."

[ Edited by: beadtiki 2009-12-18 11:36 ]

On 2009-12-18 06:31, Chip and Andy wrote:

Winter Solstice

Much older than Christmas is Yule, the pagan holiday that occurs on the hibernal solstice.

You've heard of the 12 days of Christmas. That is taken directly from pagan tradition. The traditional pagan Yule Log was huge. It took 12 days to burn. They'd start on one end and keep advancing the log into the fire little by little until it was all used up. During those 12 days there were pretty much constant festivities, culminating on Yule at the solstice. The practice of decorating trees with ornaments also came from the pagan Yuletide traditions. They would find a magnificent specimen, typically a fruitbearing tree or other sacred hardwood. The decorations and the blessings they would bestow upon those trees were to ensure a bountiful growing season in the coming year. Wassailing is the predecessor of caroling. The pagans during Yuletide would go from farmhouse to farmhouse singing and partying.

Continuing the Yule Log tradition in the 1800s.

[ Edited by: The Gnomon 2009-12-18 11:43 ]

All of it !

I hate having to decorate, find time to shop for people I don't know well enough to buy for, and they have shit. I mean, come on? If I want soemthing, I buy it my own damned self! I can buy for my wife, and my daughter, but, otherwise... I figure half of it will get thrown away. And who has the time for all this? Why destroy time off on all this?

What I do like? Seeing old friends and family. I'll gladly spend time and money on food and drink.

Don't get me anything. I have too much. I won't pretend I know what you want on your walls or bookshelf or back. It's a giant guilt trip.

Please let's just boil this down to a family and friends reunion party. And small children. I can do for them...

On 2009-12-18 01:58, GROG wrote:
Oops! Sorry Talo, GROG buy this for you for Christmas, but since you don't want it, GROG take it back.

DOH. but i really appriciate the thought GROG.

On 2009-12-18 11:34, beadtiki wrote:

I want to strangle that daughter in the commercial where she and mom are yapping it up on their laptops and mom goes out on the deck and there's the daughter "Surprise" - she looks and sounds like mom's gonna kick her ass for showing up uninvited!

---

"Something, something, something, Dark Side, something, something."

here here, slap that whiny bish in tha head

Hilarious science based explanations as to how Santa could do all the things he needs to do on Christmas Eve. These usually always involve speculative technologies that don't actually exist outside of the North Pole. What the scientists never explain is why Santa doesn't bring presents to all the kids who want them or why he so often brought things you didn't want.

And speaking of unwanted gifts and since Santa is apparently very scientifically advanced and this is being posted on the Internet...

*Dear Santa,

I know you're mostly familiar with snowballs so I don't hold any actual grudge but let me make something clear for you: A basketball is not a soccer ball.

Enjoy your wormholed time and space bending trip this Xmas Eve,

Woofmutt*

NO more fruitcake jokes, please. We have plenty.

Yeah yeah, everyone hates fruitcake, no one actually ever eats fruitcake, fruitcake will outlast the cockroaches that'll outlast the humans...Ha-ha-yaaaaaawn.

Some fruitcake jokes can be funny (like in the heartwarming Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special). But most fruitcake jokes are as stale as some sorta Christmas pastry left over from last year.

If you think you're funny and you wanna riff on some holiday tradition and you noticed no one likes fruitcake yet it seems to be everywhere do us all a favor and notice something else. Like maybe how old folks will tape sticky backed bows to packages so they can reuse the bows next Christmas even though the bows come in bags of one hundred that only costs three bucks. Now that's hilarious.

I hate it when people pepper spray each other when Christmas shopping.
20 Injured in Black Friday Pepper Spray Attack

Now pouring boiling oil on people? That's a tradition.

[->>King Bushwich 33rd

On 2009-12-18 06:13, naugatiki wrote:

Christmas porn, who is this suppose to appeal to? I don't want to be around the person who it does on Christmas day when we unwrap the presents under the tree, one yule log is plenty.

What a Holiday Surprise!

Here's another thread of holiday moans and groans!

I wonder if this place had Black Friday sales when it existed?

On 2009-12-18 11:41, The Gnomon wrote:
You've heard of the 12 days of Christmas. That is taken directly from pagan tradition.

[ Edited by: The Gnomon 2009-12-18 11:43 ]

The 12 Days of Christmas are the 12 days between Christmas Day, December 25th, and Epiphany, January 6th. Christmas Day, in the Christian liturgical calendar, is a celebration of the Incarnation, when God incarnated as a human being (it's not, contrary to popular misconception, supposed to be Jesus' birthday). Epiphany celebrates the unveiling of Jesus' identity as God's Incarnation. During the season of Epiphany, events like the arrival of the Magi, the baptism of Jesus, and the wedding at Cana (when Jesus turned water to wine) are commemorated. The first references to Epiphany predate the Christianization of either Germany or the British Isles. I don't dispute that the Yule log has pagan origins, but the pagan influence on the Christian liturgical calendar and Mediaeval Christian practices is usually overstated and unsupported by hard evidence, given how little we actually know about pre-Christian, pre-literate European paganism.

Which leads into my two big Christmas annoyances, besides having to buy presents for dozens of new in-laws: the constant stream of common myths and misinformation about Mediaeval Christianity, and the annual round of "Jesus wasn't who you think he was, even if he existed at all!!1!" clickbait articles.

The "R" word...

On 2016-12-01 19:09, lunavideogames wrote:
The "R" word...

Ha!
That could be soooo many things to sooo many people here.
Can think of many "R" words that would tick folks here off.

Black Friday,
I think it started organically and then savvy marketers are now beating it to death to get every dime they can out of it and thus making it not as cool as it may have been.

Er I never thought it was cool, but you get the idea.

Heck now Black Friday is a F^c%ing week long!