Beyond Tiki, Bilge, and Test / Bilge
An open message to Tiki Central-Cliques and exclusions. where did the ALOHA go?
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palapala
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 2:51 PM
We call ourselves Ohana on Tiki Central...To paraphrase"Stitch" in Lilo and Stitch; I'm now feeling shakey about the upcomming Portland TikiKon speakeasy event. Please , someone out there, give me a reason to feel better about this, and renew my faith in Ohanakind! Make me something Tripical. You know,a mai-tai,with 3 shots of rum! [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-03 14:52 ] [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-03 15:06 ] [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-03 18:31 ] |
LLT
little lost tiki
Posted
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 3:05 PM
PALAPALA! Buy some of the snooty patooties a drink if they still act snooty things may not change Don't let the cliques get you down |
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palapala
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 3:09 PM
Thanks, Ken! |
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leleliz
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 3:14 PM
I say focus on the people you enjoy being around, ignore the ones who make you feel unwelcome to their "clique" and above all have a good time no matter who you interact with. Don't let anything spoil your fun or keep you away from events because in the end the only person's happiness that was affected was yours. If you feel directly slighted I say a face to face conversation with those persons/person may help clear the air...but that is only if you want to go that far . Why waste the energy on that when you can exert that energy on something more fun though. :) |
PTD
Psycho Tiki D
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 4:27 PM
palapala, First and foremost, I am here for my love of tiki. That is "my" love. Everything else is secondary. The bonus of the "secondary" has been the amazing people I have met along the way. I can't think of one single instance in which I have been a social setting the Ohana has not made me feel welcome. The TC'ers here in my hometown and surrounding areas are the greatest bunch of people I have ever met, all of them. I have had my share of ribbing and I have given my share back as well. I am sure there are more than a few out there who don't like me or my posts and if so, they can tell me why if and when they meet me. Obviously there are groups of people that spend more time together that feel more comfortable around their core group than they do with newbies and that is o.k. I myself don't linger for conversations for any length of time, but I digress to my learning disabilities and am not easily entertained. I need visual stimulation and find myself happier listening than talking. From your posts, I see you are more into crafts, other events and food and drinks. I, on the other-hand, post more on the general, collecting and tiki music threads. In fact, I don't think I have ever read any of your posts because I don't generally go to the threads you are on. You would be the person I would want to speak to about those subjects, since I don't know much about them at all. I have been on this board just slightly a month longer than you and I would not consider myself "new" nor would I consider myself a veteran. Somewhere in the middle and happy to be there. Give it a chance. It was brave to bring it up, so now that it is out, you will now for sure when the event happens if you were right or dead wrong. I tend to think you will be surprised in a positive way. PTD |
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Hakalugi
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 4:43 PM
Why wait until then? I just sent you a PM. |
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pablus
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 4:53 PM
I don't care for several people on TC but that wouldn't stop me from going to events or drinking with them or writing a song about them or being in a band with them or marrying them. For real though - aloha isn't shared. It's given. |
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dewey-surf
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 4:53 PM
Palapala, remember these few things:
MAHOLA! [ Edited by: dewey-surf 2009-08-03 16:54 ] |
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leleliz
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 5:02 PM
What in heck is Mahola??????????? Unless you are saying to "Dance" which is what it means according to Google :wink: :P Dewey-Surf was so excited with his penguin quote he created his own hybrid of Aloha and Mahalo! [ Edited by: leleliz 2009-08-03 17:04 ] |
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Hiphipahula
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 5:12 PM
Do not take this to heart some TC folks as well as general people in life just do not play well with others. Blow them off and have fun! Most of our parents, family, schools, community and just plan old common sense of life teaches us to have manners and social skills. These skills some people just were never taught, included in their brain waves, it's beyond their control for some reason unknown and they will never understand, believe that they are poorly mannered or simply do not care, they think it's you with the problem. So, why care what they think of you, give them no thought or mind at all "BE BETTER, NOT BITTER" you will score every time :) My Mama told me many times, "You will not like most people in life you meet, that's why we don't each have 40 billion friends, so you must learn to live within life" Mean people, whatever their walk in life do suck! Give them not one thought! "BE BETTER, NOT BITTER" [ Edited by: Hiphipahula 2009-08-03 17:14 ] |
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Hakalugi
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 5:21 PM
Although not a valid excuse, for many in these tough times, the spirit of ALOHA has unfortunately been replaced with the spirit of ASHOLA. |
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dewey-surf
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 5:31 PM
Oh Crapola, I meant Mahalo!!! I had a rough day D!#*& IT! HOWS THAT FOR SPIRIT! :x [ Edited by: dewey-surf 2009-08-03 17:31 ] |
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leleliz
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 5:35 PM
I got one word for that rant Dewey-Surf: MAHOLA! |
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dewey-surf
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 6:09 PM
I'm smiling and waving leleliz......just smiling and waving :) |
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palapala
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 6:30 PM
Lotza Mahaloz to you all for caring enough to put your thoughts and feelings down. [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-03 18:33 ] |
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GROG
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 6:39 PM
Just be glad you're not Kinny. |
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bananabobs
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 7:16 PM
Well ole Palapala of mine, You will have a great time and meet some lifetime friends...(Um, I'd pass on Kinny's suggestion of bugger flicking that will gross too many people out, we keep Kinny away from people for that reason) My wife is not a drinker/TiKi/party/loud music/crazy kind of person and she has had a blast. Oh one more bit of info, If you judge people on the way they look...plan for a short evening. |
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TikiPug
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 7:27 PM
Maybe you're just too sensitive? There is almost 10,000 registered users on TC. I have a sneaking suspicion that in a group of 10,000, not everybody will get along. I have a bunch of friends on here, but tend to hate TC members whose initials are BB. |
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palapala
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 7:30 PM
'taint about looks at all! Make me something Tripical. You know,a mai-tai,with 3 shots of rum! [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-03 19:51 ] |
BB
Bora Boris
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 7:36 PM
I knew it! :-? |
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woofmutt
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 8:02 PM
Palapala made a similar post in the Bilge thread Has today's TC crowd lost it's original warmth? earlier today over in Bilge? Palapala's post in that thread: *"I feel that some folks in the Seattle area TC group are elitist and exlusionary. What the hell happened to the sprit of ALOHA???? Life is too damn short to treat people badly... I'm now feeling nervous about the upcomming Tikikon on Portland, because I'm not really known by many folks.. It can be hard to make connections in a new social environment. And here's my reply to that post: *In any group of people who a common interest as a "bond" there's going to be lots of variances in likes and friendliness. This is true whether it's Tiki, dogs, old cars, or religion. (Big churches are well known for having cliques and attitudes and those are people who claim to share a common faith that makes them better people.) Do you really think that all the people at a cat show are great friends or even friendly towards each other just because they happen to like cats? Just because someone is into Tiki and you're into Tiki doesn't mean they're going to be into you. You can't take it personally. There have always been people on Tiki Central who, judging from their posts, I have never been interested in getting to know. And at Rockabilly shows and some Tiki events it's been fairly clear to me that there are others who have no interest in talking to me. How do I know? The classic "Excuse me..." and they walk off 3 feet to either stand and stare into space or talk to someone who they obviously consider to be much cooler than me. I could take it personally but I'd really rather people were bluntly honest than pretend to be friendly while quietly thinking I'm a dork and wishing there was someone cooler to talk to. (Or pretending to be happy to see me after they'd previously given me the brush off.) You pretty much can't change people's preferences about you. You can only decide to not act like them. When I show up at an event and see the people who made it clear they had no interest in me I just look right past them and have a good time anyway. Focus your time and energy on your actual friends and loved ones and not on people you assumed would be lovely and friendly but who proved themselves otherwise.* For this new thread Palapala added some new content and I wanna address that as well...Plus bonus comments on the original post. Enjoy! "We call ourselves Ohana on Tiki Central..." Wrong. Some people on Tiki Central choose to refer to themselves or their concept of Tiki Central as "ohana." I personally can't stand the term. It implies a touchy feelyness I ain't particularly ever noticed as much of a constant around here. "To paraphrase"Stitch" in Lilo and Stitch; Which is a nice sentiment, yes. But it came from a fantasy cartoon. "Some of the People in the Northwest behave in an elitist and exclusionary way. Maybe they actually don't "know" any of this. Maybe they're jerks. Or maybe they're just not that into you. What's wrong with that? We live in a more or less free-to-be-you-and-me world. If everyone were required to get together with people they didn't care for the porn industry would go bust. *"Other folks who hang out with them may not feel the same way, but perhaps are afraid to be frozen out themselves,and let it happen. I'm a sensitive soul, and it makes me sad and bruised every time."* Again, maybe they don't know. You're working from an assumption that there is a lot of thought and calculation behind people's behavior. Most people put about as much thought into their actions as a crow does into pooping on your windshield. But maybe they do "know." I know I happen to hang out and think very highly of more than a few people who others might consider to be absolute jerks. Do I do this because I'm "afraid to be frozen out"? Puh-leeze. Who my friends and acquaintances happen to dislike is entirely up to them and has nothin' to do with me. (Unless they're actual bigots. Then screw 'em.) Similarly the fact that family or other friends dislike some of my friends means absolutely nothin' to me. For you to paint everyone at a table you didn't get invited to with such a broad brush really doesn't display any of the sensitivity you claim to be so full of. And frankly I find it genuinely offensive as you have no friggin' idea what people may have said about you. Such as me telling others that I think you're a nice person, you're just a little intense. "I'm not aking anyone to choose sides, or defend themselves." That's nice of you, but unless someone did something to intentionally hurt your feelings or smear your name then no one did anything wrong. There's no need for apologies, no need for explanations. Oh, unless you might have made an innuendo that anyone who is friends with someone who isn't friends with you was somehow responsible for the behavior of the others. Then you might want to apologize. I'm just saying. "I want to be a friend to anyone who shares my love of poly pop and good times together. If you think a love of polypop means we're all part of some unified front then you seriously have paid little attention to Tiki Central. There are regular lively debates about Tiki which feature widely varying opinions. And Tiki Central's past is heavily studded with numerous temper-tantrumesque grandiose exits from people who just couldn't take the environment anymore. And guess what all the "So long Tiki-suckers!" types biggest complaint has always been? They don't want to have to be nice to people they don't like. That said, the reason I keep coming back is because Tiki Central has the funniest, swellest collection of people on the internet. And it's still a fairly well behaved civil place. I don't know how we continue to be so gawdam fabulous, we just are.(Still, I wouldn't want to sleep in the same room with a lot of these people. And the ones I do all have restraining orders against me.) "What ever happened to the spirit of ALOHA???" I'm sure it's out there somewhere, but it's not "The guarantee of Aloha." *"I'm now feeling shakey about the upcomming Portland TikiKon speakeasy event. Please , someone out there, give me a reason to feel better about this, and renew my faith in Ohanakind!"* You're responsible for your own happiness. You can go to an event and enjoy it for what it definitely is (good drinks, cool clothes, nice music) or you can feel like an outsider and imagine you're a victim of some clique that probably isn't even giving you a passing thought. "(BTW, I'm thinking about having an "uncool kids" table...)" And where would the supposed "spirit of Aloha" and sense of "ohana" be in all that? How about just being open and friendly (which you are) and just ignore those that don't feel the same towards you? Being a better person is the best revenge. |
CAA
Chip and Andy
Posted
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 8:11 PM
The spirit of Aloha is something you have carry in yourself, not expect it from others. Enjoy your friends, ignore the others. That doesn't help the way your feeling right now, but I think some nice rum would probably help. |
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woofmutt
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 8:20 PM
"...but I think some nice rum would probably help." Oh yeah, booze is always the solution! That's the other reason I keep coming back here. Thanks fer the reminder! |
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Mr. NoNaMe
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 8:57 PM
Yeah, lets blame the crutch. [ Edited by: Mr. NoNaMe 2009-08-03 20:58 ] |
UB
Unga Bunga
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 8:58 PM
Palapala ALOHA! |
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RevBambooBen
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 9:19 PM
Blah Blah Blah! |
UB
Unga Bunga
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 9:20 PM
Rev. Blah Boo Ben. |
MB
Mrs Bamboo
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 9:37 PM
meetcha in the elevator. |
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Formikahini
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 9:54 PM
Maybe I'm the kind of person who upsets you - unintentionally. At these events, which are very short and very precious, I am trying to see more old friends than I can possibly squeeze into the alloted time (or even a month). I want to meet certain folks too, with whom I've corresponded or whose posts I have read and admired. I'm also trying to buy cool stuff for my home. And rehearsing for/performing in the show. Attending/assisting a seminar. Avoiding Bamboo Ben. Maybe eating and sleeping a little.....(naaaah!). But that means there is SO little time for me to meet and spend quality talking time with somebody whom I just happen to meet. And I LOVE meeting people - don't get me wrong. I'm not all insulated/isolated/wrapped up in my own little world (um, usually). All of us were at one time new/fairly new to this World O' Tiki. I attended my first event (the closing of the Kahiki in 2000) knowing my traveling buddy (who barely knew a couple of people there) and one other guy. Before it was over, I had met a number of people with whom I would later become fast, fast friends, and others who are lovely acquaintances. But there's not time for me to hang out with every person who crosses my path at these events. There's not time for me to hang out with my friends at these events. But I always leave having met some great new folks - who then become the people I try unsuccessfully to spend quality time with the next event!! Upshot: Hoping she doesn't sound like a total, socialite bitch with this post, P.S. You don't really have to avoid Bamboo Ben. |
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TikiPug
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 9:58 PM
Going down? |
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Tikiwahine
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 10:45 PM
Tiki Central isn't the center of the universe, I'm sure you will have a great time meeting people, some who may have never even visited tiki central. I agree wholeheartedly with Miss Formikahini's message to you. |
JT
Jungle Trader
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 10:53 PM
I little bit o mescaline and you'll be jus fine. Say hello to my leetle frend. |
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monkeyskull
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 11:11 PM
Palapala, I've enjoyed your company a few times, and I'm not about to argue that your feelings are entirely without merit. But I think posts like this, in a public forum, are counter-productive. And I think you might want to consider how it feels to be on the receiving end, even when you don't name names. Since I'm clearly alluded to as one of those who "may not feel the same way, but perhaps are afraid to be frozen out themselves,and let it happen, " I'd like to make a few points from my personal perspective that I think merit consideration.
[ Edited by: monkeyskull 2009-08-03 23:19 ] |
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palapala
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 11:21 PM
Thank you for all of your input... "Hi! My name's Palapala,and I want a big drink, and a bigger laugh! |
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Hakalugi
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 11:30 PM
Now we're talkin'! Okay, two sperm are swimming along and one asks the other; "Hey ya think we're nearing the egg yet?" The other responds;"No Dumbass, we just passed the tonsils!" |
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mrsmiley
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Mon, Aug 3, 2009 11:32 PM
I'm just here for the Aloha Spirits-everything else is secondary! Sorry, Palapala it looks like I won't be able to make the Portland event-I would have been the one handing out ZAZZ pins! |
RB
Rum Balls
Posted
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 7:01 AM
Well, I'm guess I'm a little late to the all the fun in this thread... :) A few days ago when I posted a note that I would be "solo" for Saturday night's Tiki Kon event and was looking for a dinner table to crash, Palapala quickly invited me to her table. Now THAT'S "aloha"!
And yes, the first round is on me! |
TK
Tiki Kupcake
Posted
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 9:26 AM
I'm kind of surprised by this thread. I have had nothing but Aloha from the NW tiki crowd. I think they are a great group of ppl and love hanging out with them. |
LLT
little lost tiki
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 9:58 AM
Man! disappointing to say the least.... |
TK
Tiki Kupcake
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 10:20 AM
You know the more I think about this thread the more it rubs me the wrong way. If you have a problem with someone then you need to say it to their face. If you don't like the way that someone is treating you then tell them. You don't post a passive aggressive thread saying you won't name names, but there are certain ppl who are doing things you don't like. That is only going to make what you don't like stronger towards you and will alienate others from getting to know you, as well because they won't agree with the way all of this was approached. There is no Aloha in this thread or the way this is being handled. I adore my fellow NW tikiphiles, but pointing fingers, making accusations, and not saying names makes us all look bad, including yourself. It saddens me to see the way this has all unfolded and how it may affect upcoming tiki events in the NW. You really need to talk to the person that you will not name and clear the air. Just remember, not everyone has to like everyone. |
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palapala
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 10:25 AM
Thanks, Rum balls! Please, Woofmut and Monkey skull, and Cupcake,I promise no more whining and accusations. Make me something Tripical. You know,a mai-tai,with 3 shots of rum! [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-04 10:27 ] [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-04 10:38 ] [ Edited by: palapala 2009-08-04 10:46 ] |
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telescopes
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 12:20 PM
Woaaaa! Stop the presses. I thought all NW people were weird, not just NW tiki people. I have to agree with those on the thread who take the attitude, it's what you make of it yoursef. When I went to Dallas a few weeks ago, there waiting for me at TV's were four of the nicest people who took the time to make me feel welcomed. They came out in heavy traffic to meet a stranger and share a drink with him as well as provide a little conversation about tiki in their town. |
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White Devil
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 1:04 PM
|
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Johnny Dollar
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 2:00 PM
will this be on the final? |
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tiki-riviera
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 2:05 PM
Everyone hates me, so I'll name some names... Monkeyskull - Talking to this guy is better than AMBIEN. Can't cook, mug collection barely worth Woofmutt - Wears an Ascott, eye monocle and Panama hat, then says things like "Once in Burma I was Sweet Pea - Is legally tone deaf. Once when I was on a diet, she told me Ho-Ho's would help you Dogbytes - Triple dips at parties. If you buy a cool car, she'll run out and buy a cooler one just Mrs. Riviera - Marries up. Power hungry. Pokes holes in her friends condoms. Eats Wonder Bread. I could go on and on, but your probably better off not associating with the NW crew.. |
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jonelle
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 2:26 PM
Heyyy...hang on a second....Sweetpea gave me Ho-Ho's to help my diet too! Dammmnnn youuuu Sweeeeetpeaaaa! (shakes fist at the sky!) MAHOHO! ;o) |
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sweetpea
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 3:25 PM
ack! Jonelle has found my secret-squirrel hiding place! |
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woofmutt
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Tue, Aug 4, 2009 3:53 PM
My stars! These delicious yellow cakes with the creme filling might not me Slimmies but actual Twinkies??? Good lord, this is as terrible as that dealing I had once in New Caledonia with the supposed Earl of Dorkcheister. Quite a trial that was. Quite. |