Oh, How I Hate Them Untiki Neighbors...

How about you? Have you been blessed with neighbors who seem to 'get' the whole tiki thing? Or are your's like mine? Do they peek at you through the fence when you're gardening in a swim suit? Do they sneak in and swim in your pool when your on vacation? Do they use your garbage/recycle/garden waste cans w/o asking? Do they call the police when you park your RV and trailer full of watercraft in front of your own home over 1 hour longer than allowed? Do they aid and abet with the old fart across the street and call the city to complain about your weeds (all 2 of them!) Do they talk so much about you in front of their moron kids, that the little village idiots say things like, "You must not understand about property values"?
You would think we lived in Beverly Freakin Hills and our house looked like the Delta House on Animal House! It actually looks WAY better than the neighbors!
They actually think we worship (like seriously scary chit!) our tikis!! They said they heard weird sounds from our back yard one full moon night, but we were away at the time. So now we're like some Wicca Tiki Wackies?
I was telling the neighbor he looked like Fred Astaire. I was trying to remember the name and he interrupts and says, "I look like Ray Romano?" (Cuz he's like 8th gen Italian) and I said, Dude, you look about as much like Ray as I look like Milo Otis!!
Dork. Really, a human walking, talking dork.
So are you blessed or cursed on the home front?

Man Hau 'oli Tiki - it sounds like your neighbors suck!

We are very lucky to have a beatnik college prof on one side who digs our tiki exploration and a very understanding young woman on the other who may not support but tolerates my ways.

We have one ole bitty across the street that used to be a pain in the rump but it seems the more tiki totems and artifacts I load up in the yard and bar, the more scared she gets. Maybe she too believes we worship. Just so long as she leaves us alone.

Hopefully your situation will improve - if not just have a few more drinks!

:-?You don't worship Tiki? :-?

What mean's this? :-?

Do they peek at you through the fence when you're gardening in a swim suit?

No, but they can look straight into our master bedroom from their upstairs bedroom window and see us walking around. They stopped looking after they found out our lives are very boring. walk around, sit down, walk around, sit down.
Are they seeing a man or a woman when they're peeking? Squirt some mayo or ketchup in their eye as they look thru the knot hole.

Do they sneak in and swim in your pool when your on vacation?

That's really bad.

Man, sorry you're neighbors are so weird. Should I carve another giant penis to keep watch for you while you're gone? I'll put an eye on him. Then, when you leave for vacation tell all your neighbors that Ol' One Eye is watching the place.

[ Edited by: Jungle Trader 2006-02-24 20:34 ]

I LOVE it!! That'd shut them up! Although, we DO attend the neighborhood church once in a while, so that could make for some awkward moments. They kinda freak just at the sight of a blender at an OUTDOOR bar w/ all those pagan images staring at them!
As far as worshiping the guys, well, I reserve true worship for the big JC. But I adore my tiki friends and they all have their own personalities. (Is that odd?) I tell them about big events. Kinda like the turning of the bee hives in England. (The family would go out and tell the bees about births, deaths, marriages, etc... and then turn the hives 3 times for good luck...?)talk about off topic.
Anyhoo, It's so hard to not fall into being a hypocrite with these people. I would love to flip 'em off and flash 'em! But of course, that would just make things worse for us around here. It's like if I say anything even remotely pissy, they cause heartbreak for my 2 girls (they have 2 boys the same ages) or they call some authority to get even!! ARGH!! Frustrating!!
We DID put locks on the gates-liability, you know.

Hurry...the ice is melting!!

[ Edited by: Hau 'oli Tiki 2006-02-25 09:45 ]

To me, it would be worth the $150 to catch 'em red handed in your pool.

http://www.123cctv.com/cctv/exterior-wireless-cctv-cameras.html

Take the video to your church and show it to everyone, when you catch 'em!

Or you can do what we did at work, and make a thingy that "looks" like a camera, and put it up, pointing at their vantage point! That stopped the bung holes around our office from using our dumpster illegally.

Those guys suck, and extreme "active" measures are warranted.

I've had lots of neighbors that were vermin...you need to find thier fears, and exploit it. (The Greeks knew it, the Romans knew it, now, you know it)

I got several neighbors to avoid me at all costs by convincing them I worshiped Satin, and always leaving ammo shells around thier yard.

Some others were much harder nuts to crack...but eventually I made friends with some Sherrifs in my neighborhood and would just have them come by for coffee while they were sposta be working.

Maybe start by having chat with them about the weather some sunday morning, and while you are talking, pour some blue food coloring in your coffee.

You can't taste it but it makes a good impression.

Tried that. The blue coffee. No, just kiddin! That's Hi Larry us!!!
I did confront them today. It was the bloody mary in me. Get this, they asked us if we would pay 1/2 for a retaining wall about 3 feet onto their own prop line!! I told them my yard didn't need retaing. Do it yer own damn self. And by the way, you kinda suck. I let them know in some pretty harsh language exactly what I thought of them. This should be interesting...

Attaboy, fired across the bow, as it should be!

didja ask if they would go in half for the lye pit you will need?

And by the way, you kinda suck.

Fired across the bow? Holy shit! That was a shot right into the face! Way to go!

It sure sounds to me that they suck! And blow too! Wait! that defies the laws of Physics! How can something suck and blow at the same time? Wait! That defies Hoover's laws of physics!

Shit! Fudd's second law of opposition: You push something hard enough, it falls over.

gap

I think the proper thing to do is to build some giant moai to sit there and stare at them, day and night. With proximity detectors that light up the eyes an angry red whenever anyone moves around their back yard. :)

[ Edited by: mbonga 2006-02-26 18:53 ]

YES! I've been working on a tiki water fall ala Skull Mountain, but perhaps I will switch to the Moai guardians now!
Actually, after he asked me to go in half on the ret wall, I told him only if he'd kick in half for my boob job, considering he'd see 'em more than anyone else when he's a peepin! He just turned as red as my Bloody Mary and ran into the house-too funny!
I want to get my back yard done and have a rip roarin party! We went out yesterday and got a 500 watt stereo for the back yard. Some really rowdy folks, liqueur and blaring tunes oughta peel their paint!
Also, I set up the shower right next to their bedroom window. He retaliated by building a...well, not sure. It's a framed little building wrapped in plastic. My daughter says it's a greenhouse for their son, the orchid grower. All I know is it blocks my view of the Saddleback Mountains where I was born and reared! So now we're building a beach wrecked pirate ship over the pool equipment to block the...plastic and 2x4s peekin over the fence! He asked us why, because our kids are 11 and 15. (?!) His reasoning is that they'll be out of school soon and moving away, so why bother!! This explains why he won't put up Christmas lights; ya just gotta take em right back down! Or why he won't get dirt bikes for his sons, same ages as our girls. Poor lil crackers! Kicked out the minute they receive their diplomas in horticulture!

Haha - great boob job line :)

Maybe tell them your sorry for being snappy. Invite them over for a ritual sacrifice to the heathen gods. Hell, even let em pick which daughter they like less and should be sacrificed. Then have a raging party that night (full moon of course), interspersed with lots of screaming at midnight. Then just hide one of your daughters for a few weeks. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of your toiling :)

That's a good one!! The Mr and I laughed good and hard! The kids are totaly into it now, too!

The cranky old neighbor lady next door bitched about the cement truck that came to our house to pour the slab for our tiki addition, but later that same afternoon the old bat ran into the back of my car and then drove off.
She probably would have made a clean getaway, but wouldn't you know it, those darn concrete guys saw the whole thing and told me what happened.
I thought about calling the cops and demanding her license, but had an ounce of pity for the whole ridiculous situation and left it alone for a few hours.
She finally confessed by leaving a note on my door. I told her not to worry, and that I would get a friend to fix the major dent. Of course, I sent her a bill more than a year ago and I only have half of the money she owes me.
I figure that since she owes me, I can let my parrot scream as loud as he wants and she is powerless to do a thing about it. Scream on bird, scream on.
KG

[ Edited by: Kailuageoff 2006-03-01 19:40 ]

On 2006-02-27 18:26, hewey wrote:
Invite them over for a ritual sacrifice to the heathen gods.

Oh, and don't forget to drink goat's blood from a skull chalice, with a raging fire in the backround.

.... and flash your boobs at them while drinking the blood! That will show them!

One of the girls got a camp or something coming up? Perfect time for it. Just as long as the neighbour doesnt know. Or ship her to the grandparents during the holidays (just the one daughter though)

Here's the update. The 15 year old IS going away for a Spring retreat. Sooooo, we're planning some kind of theater. Nothing too crazy. I don't want the cops involved (I don't have permits for the palapa, pirate ship, etc...)We are actually thinking of telling them we want our girls to become more aware of the tiki/Hawaiian culture and that we are sending them away one by one to learn from an old tiki master and retired hula dancer. Kinda like a Finishing School for the Polynesian arts, but with a savage, tikigod like, native twist. They'll think this is the worst thing to ever do to a young Christian girl! A sacrifice to the Tiki Gods!! On return, we'll dress her up in face paint and grass skirt complete w/ clam shell or coconut shell bra and tell her to do a little ceremony "honoring" the earth of her home and the spirit of the Tikis. Complete w/ knees on the earth and a little chant, etc...
Oughta be a hoot!

Thats tops! Cant wait to hear the results!!!

Even better - make up a flyer for the tiki school and show them! Put on bogus address but no phone or internet address - they are too easily found out to be false. I'll PM you about making a flyer up, and Ill email to you to print. :)

Kustom Kahoona* - Tiki and Hot Rod Art by Hewey*

[ Edited by: hewey 2006-03-17 00:04 ]

Update:
I am pleased to announce the establishment of The International Tiki Institute! (aka TITI haha). The institute aims to perpetuate Polynesian heritage for all.

It was established by Hewey Lika Mih Tiki (Hewey Like-a-my-tiki). The brochure will also include testimonials from our former course participants "thanks to the institute, I was able to reach out to my non-tiki neighbours, and involve them in my pagan god appeasement rituals. Thanks so much..." Oh, Ive only just began...

I will also include my email address so if they do chose to ask any questions I can answer it :)

Kustom Kahoona* - Tiki and Hot Rod Art by Hewey*

[ Edited by: hewey 2006-03-17 04:18 ]

For your ritual...don't forget little figures of them...your neighbors. (with a filthy syringe in thier hearts) and placed on the fence.

I think this is a fabulous idea! I'm on board to sign the girls up ASAP! Make it look real cultish and brain-washy so the neighbors think we're just nuts!
I may even have "retreats" here at the Lanai for a weekend of Higher Tiki Awareness sessions!
This just may take off w/ a life of it's own!

Check out the brochure I got for the Tiki International Knowledge Institute or TIKI for short!

Front:
http://www.tikiroom.net/gallery/tc/bjr

Back:
http://www.tikiroom.net/gallery/tc/bjs

:)

Here's the text all written out for those that cannot read it:

TIKI
The Tiki International Knowledge Institute

Perpetuating our Polynesian Heritage for all

Message from our Founder:
Aloha!

The Tiki International Knowledge Institute (TIKI) is dedicated to the ongoing preservation and practice of our Polynesian heritage as practised by our forefathers. The influence of “civilised” society, which began with over zealous religious missionaries, has seen our society reduced to little more than a marketing gimmick to sell holidays to those stupid enough to settle in places where it snows in the colder months.

By inviting people of all backgrounds to participate in our pagan rituals, we aim to increase the knowledge and respect that people hold for our island cultures. One only needs to search for TIKI on the internet to witness the extent of people who assist us in advocating tiki culture. We believe we can inspire you to do the same, and help you to share the aloha ohana spirit with those closest to you.

Hewey Lika Mih Teakee
Founder –Tiki International Knowledge Institute

Participant Feedback:
Edward – I really enjoyed learning from some of the true tiki masters. I especially liked the workshop on involving your friends, colleagues, and neighbours in tiki based events. We had a big luau and everyone got in and did a traditional honouring of the island gods – it was wild! We are already preparing our next one to coincide with the next full moon! Thank you so much!

Tina – I really enjoyed learning how to do a Tantric hula. The moves I can do really get my boyfriends attention! My love life is so much better, and his wife can’t work out why he is so content and satisfied. Love Tina!

Davo – Mate what a top place! Not only did I have a great time partying under the stars, I also learnt heaps of stuff about all that tiki stuff! It was tops!

Activities:
Here at TIKI, we run a number of activities in which participants can immerse themselves in island culture.
· Guide to incorporating tiki culture into your suburban life.
· Traditional tiki carving and painting basics.
· Workshop on involving your friends, neighbours and colleagues to participate in traditional island ceremonies.
· Traditional island god appreciation.
· Introduction to voodoo and island black magic.
· Advanced guide to voodoo and island black magic.
· Workshop on how to hold a successful luau.
· Hula dancing lessons.
· Tantric hula lessons (for advanced students only).
· How to use traditional island weapons (with a particular focus on home security and self protection).
· Fire walking for beginners.
· Workshops on crafting traditional tiki items such as grass skirts, coconuts bikinis, traditional weapons, cannibal forks, and shrunken heads (no, we no longer use human heads, but we do have some authentic examples you can view).

Location:
The TIKI is located on a small and isolated tropical island not far from the Hawaiian islands. Its lush green rain forest, and pristine white beaches make it a perfect venue for people to get into contact with their inner tribal spirits. We have found it to be a great environment for people to escape their boss, their mobile phone, emails, and persistent tax collectors.

Contact Us:
Here at TIKI, we like to live a lifestyle as close as possible to a traditional island lifestyle. For that reason we do not have a connection to the telephone or other contact means. We do have an internet connection (hey, ebay rocks!), so please email us on [email protected] (Please put TIKI in the subject line so we can sort you from the drug and porn spam.

UPDATE: IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!!

I haven't been on TC for ages because I've been busy battling with those crappy neighbors. They have now dragged in my surrounding neighbors. They decided to take their hating up a notch. I have had the city code enforcement, animal control enforcement, sheriff and neighborhood watch called on me countless times. I have to endure visits from them all to follow through on the bogus calls!

Apparently, my palapa is border line illegal. Thanks to neighbor across the street (Mr BitterChips)I may have to destroy the entire thing due to code/permit errors. He's a semiretired Realtor selling a house 4 doors down. He thinks it looks unsafe.

The Peeper (directly next door) calls the police whenever the RV and dirt bikes/boats are parked on the street out front before/after trip pack ups/clean outs. I can't park ANYTHING on the curb! I get back from the River at 2 AM and I'm not allowed to leave the rig on the curb until storage opens?! Thanks wanker!

The Asshole, directly behind me, decides to come visit at 10 PM when I'm home alone and tell me I'm a crazy bitch (still not clear why, but I think it had something to do with my daughter's 16th birthday party.)He and his girlfriend just stood there yelling like lobotomized tards on my porch, ignoring my repeated requests to leave my property...from behind a closed front door. So I called 911 because he was just pounding on the door and yelling! Scared the poopoo right out of me! So he responds by calling the police a few days latter and telling them he thinks the residents of (our house) the next door neighbors are a security risk. So I get a visit from HOMELAND SECURITY!!!! My Ex is an Army Ops and, thank God, was the one that received my case!! He actually came in handy for once and wrote it off as a retaliation call. But now we're on the radar w/ Big Bro. Like we thought we weren't before?

The recent one is Asshole, Peeper and BitterChips are trying to get video of our dogs barking. They have all signed an intent to sue for excessive barking. I take my dogs everywhere with me, so I have no doubt that they will end up with hours of quiet back yard tape.

AND...we have to take apart the pirate ship wreck we built over the pool pump equipment because it doesn't conform to original specs. This was discovered during the palapa complaint/inspection. All that time and money, not to mention a cool ship...gone.

The city has told us they are looking into the possibility that using thatch on a patio covering could be outlawed due to the fear it would be a fire hazard (even though it's treated per code!), used for a temp dwelling, or viewed as an undesirable look associated with Third World countries barrio-type housing (?!). The banana trees are too tall. The vines are too thick. Mined you, I do not live in an HOA! I now believe the chick from the city is riding tall on her high horse and in cahoots with the 3 tards.

We can't leave the house in the evenings for a night out...the kids get harassed by Peeper's kids and I'm afraid one of them will call Child Protection Services! Or they call Animal Control for the dogs barking INSIDE the house and state they've been doing so for so long "they were worried they'd been abandoned by the owners"!! We drove away once and parked on another block and snuck up behind the house through the school yard (cattywampus to our property) and saw them all congregating out front. They had a video camera and regular camera's and were taking pix of the front yard and house! There was nothing wrong, except some ongoing re-landscaping, so I have no clue what they were doing. We popped out the front door, much to their shock, and they all scattered.

I am so tired of all of this that we are seriously considering moving to the middle of no where and scraping all human contact! I am at my wit's end as to what to do next! You would think we were the biggest ass holes to warrant such behavior from these people, but honestly, we are very quiet and keep to ourselves! We have no parties, loud music, crazy front landscaping/colors...etc.

I think this all started when we had our pool built and put in the exotic decor. One of Peeper's turds asked my daughter if she thought she was "hot stuff" (yes, that was the actual terminolgy he used-sounds like he heard that one from his folks) because we had a pool and dirt bikes and boats and thought we were rich (?). My daughter replied, "Just because someone gets something you don't have doesn't make them richer than you. It just means they are willing to work harder to pay for it." His Mom once told me he's upset that my daughter and him aren't as close as they were when they were in elementary together. She thinks he has a crush on her. She wouldn't give him the time of day, so he does the typical thing of being mean to her. She's popular, outgoing and social. He lives under a rock, shuns all things social and regularly puts down everyone. His parents treat him like he could beat Jesus at anything. Is this all just retribution for a social snub?

Thanks for letting me vent/blog. Anyone want to trade houses?

SCREW UM! You sound overly concerned. Fuck it, you own the property....carry on.

What a load of the proverbial! I'd like to say stay there to piss everyone off, but sometimes its not worth the hassles when it gets this extreme.

My girlfreind had a similar neighbour, called the cops on them for a "raging property" - it was her and some freinds when they were kids watching a movie! The cops realised it was one particular spiteful neighbour, but were still required to go out every time. Same with Council...

I can think of plenty of things to stir them up, but this has gone way too far already, and needs to be nipped in the bud.

Might be worth seeing if there are local independant mediators for these disputes or talking to the cops about harrasment. Problem is they will gang up on you and corroborate, but they also need proof (hence the video). Maybe if you can reasonably prove that they are being tools, the cops can tell them to back off.

Problem is, very hard to stop them completely.

Good luck with it! Definitely sucks.

Sorry to hear they are ganing up on you. It is much easier if you are taking them on one-at-a-time, but in a group they have the louder voice when dealing with any of the City functionaries.....

Working for my local Government I can offer the following.....

Go and spend a lot of time at your local government office that is in charge of building permits, spend some time in the zoning and landuse office, spend some time in the office that is in charge of Code Enforcement (or what it is called in your government), and then spend a bit of time talking to the police department. The more you know about what can and can't be done and how to do it, the easier it will it be to call off the horible neighbors. When they call and say your dogs are being a nusiance, you will be able to talk to the officers responding in the correct language proving that you are the better citizen and the neighbors are being a bunch of old-bitties. Like G.I.Joe said, Knowldge is Power.

And, since you are not in an Association and don't have the formal rules associated, you have a lot more power over your own property than all of your neighbors seem to think. The hardest part of the whole thing is that they are ganging up on you which makes it very hard for you to stay on the offensive. When you have confirmed that you have all of your permits and paperwork in order, you can then turn the tables and remind them that they too have something in their yards that Code would like to look at. Doesn't that plant in the back corner look an awfull lot like a Pot plant? And wasn't the neighbor kid hanging around with 'those' kids a lot lately?

Good luck, keep the faith. We are here for you, let us know what we can do to help.....

They say sometimes the best defense is a good offense. I'm sure a million fantasies have entered you brains but let's keep it legal. Start investigating their properties. Make a list of things that may not be kosher with their places and use it if needed. I agree that knowledge is power and keeping your stuff up to snuff may be the only real choice. My heart goes out to you. I fear what you're going through with my place. I hope you can find some kind of peace with all these spineless assholes.
Cheers.

What a horror story! I have moved a lot and encountered nut cases, but never like yours! Once a neighbor made me pay for a screen replacement on their pool enclosure because they were convinced my cat fell through it... The screen guys who were fixing my whole enclosure after a deck remodel, came back to my house laughing their butts off, because her screens were 15 years old and they were pretty sure the wind blew it out... They told me they would have made her sue. But I was afraid of getting into some sort of hate fest with this neighbor.

I think you should document EVERYTHING from now on. Then research laws regarding harassment. THEN go on Judge Judy with those nut jobs. She loves to tell neighbors to mind their own business and she really hates people who bug their neighbors! Think of how much fun you could get out of showing the world (okay, 10 million viewers) how darn silly your neighbors are! Don't forget to video tape them at every point. Because they really sound like they are infringing on your rights big time!

Also, who does the code enforcement gal work for? File a complaint with her boss about unreasonable complaints being taken seriously by this gal! We live in the USA for a reason. And you choose a non-deed restricted neighborhood because you are a free thinker. Let your silly neighbors move, not you! If they want conformity, sounds like they bought in the wrong neighborhood!

We are getting ready to retire....Any nice houses for sale in your neighborhood? I'm ready to build a tiki palace!

On 2006-10-21 11:26, Hau 'oli Tiki wrote:
UPDATE: IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!!

The Asshole, directly behind me, decides to come visit at 10 PM when I'm home alone and tell me I'm a crazy bitch (still not clear why, but I think it had something to do with my daughter's 16th birthday party.)He and his girlfriend just stood there yelling like lobotomized tards on my porch, ignoring my repeated requests to leave my property...Thanks for letting me vent/blog. Anyone want to trade houses?

WOW Hau 'oli Tiki,

Am I sorry to hear of your plight and to think I was bitching about my town on the "My Stupid Town" thread when I came across a link to yours!
Tiki People are the BEST people I know so again, I am sorry to hear this!
From what you wrote it sounds as if it's just you and your 2 daughters living at your house?
2 words - PEPPER SPRAY!
My wife and I live in a town that is sometimes a questionable risk, (like most of America these days!), and I was very concerned about her out walking our dogs alone if I were out of town. So I bought us both MILITARY STRENGTH PEPPER SPRAY, non-lethal but you can bet whomever gets hit with this stuff will never want to be anywhere near your place or you again...and it's legal and requires no permits. :wink:

We live in Vallejo, CA. In the San Francisco Bay Area. Not as warm as SoCal and our neighborhood is getting better. It's EXTREMELY affordable for California these days. We have have neighbors who are cool Brits also. 30 minutes from the Napa Valley, 30 Minutes from Berkeley, 45 minutes from San Francisco, 1 hour by ferry!
For all my bitching it's got a lot of perks.
I'm not a Realtor just a second generation San Franciscan who can recomend anything in your price range should it ever get that bad!
PM or email if you want to come up for a tour of the area and see if you and your daughters would like the change of scenery not to mention some GREAT choices of colleges for them! :D

I had not read this before so I searched out on your other post about thatch.

Sucks. Sounds like people who have too much time on their hands. Sounds like people who might could be distracted if some worse threat moved in like Jews, Mexicans, gays or whatever. Low life haters is what you have there. They are willing to expend a lot of time and energy in this that you are not. Or you certainly would prefer not to.

I would not suggest any sort of "offensive" strategy. That is likely just fueling the fire and they already seem more willing to fight than you. You want peace, like most normal people.

Any official, especially the police that come to your door, should be filled in. Any documentation, piles of papers, etc. and your calm words explaining that the neighbors are crazy. If they bug the cops very much, they will be known and told not to call again on this stuff. Once enough people know who they are and that they are wasting lots of time, it will trickle down that they get no responses.

IF it gets to some point that they really are getting you in some trouble, then you might turn the spotlight.

I would plant a line of cypress trees around your property along with a fence. Keep their eyes off your land.

Also, in general, if you leave the flashers on on your parked car, you can often get away with leaving it in various parking spots you would not normally be able to. May not be true there though. But, you can call the police department and find out just waht is okay and make sure you know your rights.

I said all that and I guess it is hard to imagine. So, if it was me. I would first try to keep from fanning any flames and see if they go away. If they do not, I would not mess around with them and any sort of action towards them. I would talk to the police and get their advice. I would talk to a lawyer and see what they say and I would just take the hig h and direct road. You may be able to get a restraining order and that would shut up a lot right away. They would face jail for being within X feet of your or calling you or coming to your door.

As I have had to explain to fire marshals at tiki bars, if you want to see if my thatch is fire retardant, here is the table cloth and the picture on the wall and the napkins and the bar stools... It is no more an issue than wallpaper or anything else you decorate with. Most things burn. That is not a reason to say it can't be on your property.

I am rambling here, but Chip and Andy are very right here. Know your rights and know the people in the office that enforce them. Politeness is a valuable weapon with authorities.

Here is something everyone should have. - a remote controller for the sprinklers ( or just a single rainbird sprinkler on a hose with electronic timer/clock.) when salespeople, religious nut jobs, or whiney neighbors come knocking - turn on the sprinklers, make sure the front porch gets 100% coverage.

http://www.hunterindustries.com/Products/Controllers/srrintro.html

I did some stuff last summer out in Palm Desert for
TC's/my friend, Queen K . Her neighbor is a freakin nut also!
You should pm her and talk story! She's a rebel!

p.s. after the Kona Club was open in Oakland, a fire person came in ( ON A HUNCH!?) (Hmmmm) and made them Fire retard the whole place. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall!.

I've also heard through the grapevine that city's are trying to rid thatch/ palapas / etc. in the future.

In the entire time I've been doing this stuff, I've only heard of one fire and the fool put tiki torches under his palapa!!! Doh!!!

Good luck!!!

Thanks for all the info, support and tiki-ness, all!

I spoke with the chick from the city of Laguna Hills and she told me a lot of people around my neighborhood have told her they think thatched palapas (they call them grass hut patios, moreys) are outdated, tacky and a blight. (!!!!) I asked her how many had said that, because I have folks stop by constantly and tell me it's awesome. She stated she had 2 complaints. 2. Uh, that would be The Peeper and Mr Bitterchips. This from the people who think a "new" 1997 mini van is "coolaroni". Who wear a shirt that says "Nana's Reunion" every Saturday. Who remodeled their entire house with beige tile, carpet, walls, furniture and floral arrangements. All beige. And spent A LOT. I coulda done it for $20.00 with a 5 gallon of beige paint thrown over everything. But I digress.

So Peeps asked me if I was gonna leave that thing up against the shared fence. It's my tiki that has red glowing eyes and bellows smoke from his mouth. Got him at TO6. I guess the "smoke" scares him. I said, "Oh! Well I can move him, if you think it would be better." He said that would be a good idea. So I guess I'll have to move him. To the top deck of the pirate ship, overlooking his back yard.

Interesting side note: He thinks the city already took care of all inspections. So he has built a huge green house right up against the shared fence to block "any view you may see into his backyard". This thing is huge and wrapped in some horrible green plastic. It's a mess! Looks so trailer park. Goes great with his dirt "lawn", broken concrete "patio", and dead bushes and trees. Gee. There goes my view. Can't wait til the inspector comes back out and sees that monstrosity.

On 2006-02-27 17:17, Hau 'oli Tiki wrote:
He retaliated by building a...well, not sure. It's a framed little building wrapped in plastic. My daughter says it's a greenhouse for their son, the orchid grower.

I believe "orchid" is street slang for dope. I'd have a friend narc on him for suspicion of growing with intent to sell. Heck I'll come over and throw some seeds there that..I know how to get a hold of...through this guy.

Texas Tikiphiles Unite!
Myspace Texas Tiki

[ Edited by: Unkle John 2007-01-16 16:59 ]

On 2007-01-16 16:58, Unkle John wrote:

On 2006-02-27 17:17, Hau 'oli Tiki wrote:
He retaliated by building a...well, not sure. It's a framed little building wrapped in plastic. My daughter says it's a greenhouse for their son, the orchid grower.

I believe "orchid" is street slang for dope. I'd have a friend narc on him for suspicion of growing with intent to sell. Heck I'll come over and throw some seeds there that..I know how to get a hold of...through this guy.

---

TOO FUNNY! Our neighbor in California built himself a cute little greenhouse right up against our fence. He was definitely growing and selling pot! We could easily see it through the knot holes in the fence.... My parents reported him numerous times, to no avail. My mom used to go out to her normal garden and pull these big huge tomato grubs off her tomato plants and put them through the knot holes...

On 2007-01-15 21:56, Hau 'oli Tiki wrote:
Thanks for all the info, support and tiki-ness, all!
So he has built a huge green house right up against the shared fence to block "any view you may see into his backyard". This thing is huge and wrapped in some horrible green plastic. It's a mess! Looks so trailer park. Goes great with his dirt "lawn", broken concrete "patio", and dead bushes and trees. Gee. There goes my view. Can't wait til the inspector comes back out and sees that monstrosity.

I think you should ask him where he got the green plastic, tell him how much you love it, and say that you are thinking of covering your tiki hut with something similar, but ask if it comes in purple or red, or if it comes in plaid.

My mom used to go out to her normal garden and pull these big huge tomato grubs off her tomato plants and put them through the knot holes...

I'da reached through that lil knot hole with my Fabulous Gum Stick and rake in a little somethin somethin. Wink Wink.

I believe "orchid" is street slang for dope. I'd have a friend narc on him for suspicion of growing with intent to sell. Heck I'll come over and throw some seeds there that..I know how to get a hold of...through this guy.

Sadly, no. The boy is some kind of Future Farmer, Green Peace, Arbor Day Dude. He's REALLY growing orchids and flowers. All by himself. Alone. No friends. None.

Greenman: Sweet idea! I'm crackin up! Plaid!! (incidentally, he works at Home depot and seems to bring home a lot of "freebies" which he loves to show off... hmmm.

I got a fever. The prescription is more TIKI!

[ Edited by: Hau 'oli Tiki 2007-01-17 13:57 ]

How 'bout them neighbors who object to the sounds of friendly chainsaws, musical angle grinders and rotozips.
One of my neighbors sent over a building inspector after a noise complaint. He said the whole operation was legal, but I still have to modify something-or-other...they're sending me a letter.

Has anyone else had to deal with this unreasonable type of "neighbor" ???

All the stories have reminded me of some neighbors that live next to my folks. While my brother and I were building tiki bars a few years back during the summer, she actually came over to complain once or twice about the noise. Now, we were only working during the normal daylight hours, usually starting around 9:30 or so, and finishing up at about 4:30 or 5. All the tools, shade awning, etc, got packed up and put away. You wouldn't have even known we were doing anything. But she comes by one day-- how much longer are you going to be doing that? We replied, Gee, all day.
Sorry.
She never tried calling the cops, but it's not like we were doing anything illegal.
Un-tiki neighbors do suck, but I second all the opinions of those that encourage courtesy and politeness.
My missus and I had this downstairs neighbor, and this lady called the cops on us like 5 times accusing us of "moving furniture and making noise" at like 10 at night. Of course, we weren't actually doing anything like that. Most of the time, I was just grading papers. Cops showed up a couple of times, I let them in, acted all polite and everything, and they'd leave, wish us good night, and all that. No problem. The cops were actually really cool with us, especially since the same ones came by more than once.

Ahhhh... I don't miss that.

I'm lucky- my neighbors are for the most part super cool. The neighbors downhill from me even own a Hawaiian crafts store and coach canoe racing and generally are beyond the absolute best. Everyone else is still pretty cool, despite a couple dork outbreaks here and there. Basically I moved into a small, local neighborhood in Hawaii 15 years ago and we all have known each other for that long or longer. Somebody called the cops when we were playing ukulele and guitar (not electric) on the porch a couple years ago, but I think it's the rental three doors up. They apparently only rent to people who are against fun and stuff, because a year ago the new tenant came and told me my dogs were vicious (they're truly big puppies- total wussie dogs- they're just big.) He was a dork from Manhattan beach who spent ten minutes telling me how he rode the biggest wave ever ridden in California and then after I listened to his complete bullshit for all that time tries to tell me "the neighborhood got together and asked him to come down because they're afraid". I was chuckling inside at that one- my neighborhood doesn't have 'meetings' or any crap like that. So I just looked at him and asked, "You know why they're scared to come talk to me? Cause I'm f*cking crazy." No shit. and before he could say a word I started my weed whip back up and went about my gardening. Dude never spoke to me again.

We're getting all kinds of new neighbors down on the other side of the neighborhood where there were a lot of rentals. Housing prices have gone up so much that a lot of the rentals are selling, and we're getting a lot of people who would probably be cool except they don't know how to shut up, listen and learn how things are. Instead they start right in with the bullshit of sticking their noses into other people's business and telling everyone 'how they do it back home' and in Kona in a small independent local neighborhood (read: not a development with rules and an association)- that gets you absolutely nowhere.

Whoever the poor soul is with those awful neighbors- I had a guy hassling me once who didn't like my pups. I try to keep them in but the one is a fricken circus performer. She can escape anything. So the guy is a real dick and I'm super trying to stay positive. He's trying to sell his house and I understand- that's hard. But still- he finally becomes so insufferable that I paint a 4x8 sheet of plywood: Coming soon: Skateboard halfpipe and punk rock band practice spot!" I hung it from my front gate for a couple days and got a half dozen phone calls from people I know, wanting to come skate my halfpipe. I never heard from the dork again, and he never did sell his house. He's the perfect neighbor- he doesn't speak to me.

I also think I'd consider sending in those reader cards for magazine subscriptions for them, signing them up for a few hundred mortgage companies to cold call them, get them subscriptions to really gnarley porn. filling their car with styrofoam peanuts and shrink-wrapping the entire outside would be creative. I had a customer that stiffed me for several thousand dollars and my construction crew and I would have a few beers on a Friday night and use http://www.fakecaller.com/ to call him and ask whoever answers if he ordered a hooker, if he was going to meet her for the date, etc....

Aloha! Happily being left alone at present!

[ Edited by: T_lifehater 2007-06-26 00:07 ]

[ Edited by: T_lifehater 2007-06-26 00:09 ]

This was a pretty amusing thread - although I'm sure if you're living it, it's not so hot.

You could do something really hostile, like spraying something naughty on their lawn using Round Up - which, btw, will kill anything, including, mmm, orchids or other some such greenery.

Good luck!

You can always rant to the world by contributing to the map.
http://www.rottenneighbor.com/